reception without ceremony
This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by onesweetcent on 06/17/2004.
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posted by onesweetcent
Is it okay to have a reception to celebrate your marriage if you do not have a "real" wedding ceremony? We are thinking of getting married at the court house or in a very small wedding with just us, his children, and our witnesses but, we would like to celebrate our marriage with our family and close friends afterward.
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posted by teddy6
Sure, that's fine! Just realize that its the ceremony that carries the "gift obligation" so people may not bring gifts (although some probably will anyway).
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posted by catina
I really think there's nothing wrong with having a reception afterwards, if you're doing a Civil wedding. Not inviting alot of people to the ceremony due to space etc, but inviting them to a reception afterwards, is perfectly okay in my opinion.
I also really think the old "it's the ceremony that carries a gift obligation" hog wash these days. Anytime I get invited to a wedding, I don't buy a gift because I was invited to the ceremony and am obligated to. I buy a gift because I want to give something to the couple to help them start their journey in life together. I really don't think people invite everyone to the ceremony, because then they'll get gifts. I think it has more to do with wanting them there to witness their committment to one another. Sorry, I'll stop now. This gift obligation issue really bugs me. But that's just me.
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posted by teddy6
Catina,
You are right. I do think we get a little carried away sometimes with this etiquette of "gift obligation" bit. I wouldn't even know the various "rules" if I didn't spend so much time on these boards! I certainly didn't know them prior to planning my wedding. I often wonder who made up all these rules???
But I agree that most people don't follow these rules even if they know of them. For instance, my fiance was in a wedding last weekend. When we arrived in town we learned, not from the bride and groom BTW, that they had already been married a few weeks prior in a civil ceremony due to miltary housing rules(Honestly I did think it was a bit odd that they had never even mentioned this to my fiance, but that's a whole other story!) Anyway, by etiquette rules, I suppose we were not obligated to give them a gift - since what we were attending was really a renewal of vows. But of course we gave them a gift. As you said, most times when I give a gift, it is not out of obligation, but because I want do give the person something nice!
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posted by dilydaly7
I think that if you have just a reception, you should definitely make it understood that there was, in fact, a wedding. Some people may be confused by their invitations. Therefore, I think sending out a formal wedding announcement which says you were married in "a small ceremony" either before or with your reception invitations makes everything clear that you are simply celebrating the marriage that has already taken place, not actually getting married. A wedding announcement usually implies a gift obligation, although you will probably not get as many as you normally would have if you had had a big ceremony. If you decide to register, *do not* include where you have registered in your announcement, as that is just shoving the gift obligation right up in their face. Instead, let your family and wedding party know, and they can inform who asks. Thank you notes for gifts given by those who didn't attend the ceremony should be especially grateful. Also, at your reception, you should consider getting up and saying a few words to both your guests and to each other towards the end of the evening (if you want to, you can put it in the form of a toast to your guests) so that those sensitive guests who feel gypped of seeing the ceremony will get to see you express your love to each other publicly, and also feel like they are appreciated.
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posted by Marge129
Onesweetcent, have the reception. Just don't have it too long after you get married.
Margie
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posted by syringa
It is fine to have the reception the same day as the wedding. It is quite common to have a small ceremony followed by a larger reception. If you feel the need to inform guests that the ceremony will occur, then at the bottom of the invitation you can say something like: "Jane and John will be married in a family ceremony earlier in the day." This lets guests know that a wedding occurred and gives some idea of why no one was invited to the ceremony. However, there is no need to mention the ceremony at all. Guests will understand from the invitation that a ceremony has, or will, occurred at some point.
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posted by TheaterDiva1:
This whole thing about gift pbligations has been bothering me too! Sure I want gifts but I hope people I invited bought gifts because they wanted to, not because they think they HAVE to! I've never felt obligated to give a gift - it's simply something I want to do.
-Maggie
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