This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by Tiff on 05/04/2004.
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posted by Tiff
Is it terribly rude to not have an open bar? Neither my fiance or I want one in the least (due to cost & personal reasons), but we're getting a lot of flack about it. One friend told me that it would be like inviting someone to your house, & asking them to buy drinks from you. But if you were inviting a friend to your house for a very nice dinner, they usually wouldn't drink like a fish, either. What's your call?
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posted by wynelle
Its not rude to not have an open bar. It is rude to have a cash bar. If you want to hold down costs, then it is perfectly appropriate to limit the alcohol served (ie to wine and beer) or to even have a non-alcoholic reception. If someone can't go 4 hours without a drink, then they may have a problem.
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posted by feb-bride
If you don't want to serve unlimited liquor, you can have a non-alcoholic reception, but I think it's in poor taste to have a cash bar at a reception. IMO, it IS like inviting people to your house and expecting them to pay for their beverages.
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posted by SkyeCPHT
We're having a non-alcoholic reception, the main reason being we simply can't afford it -- not even the champagne toast part
. But I don't think it will be so bad, because our reception is in a separate room of a restaurant; people can go to the bar in the restaurant if they want a drink badly enough. We were catching a lot of flack about it too, but we just said, you know, it's our decision, we can't afford it. I'd rather have a non-alcoholic reception than to make people pay for their own drinks at a cash bar. Good luck!
cristin
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posted by Amanda
there are many options that you can have besides a cash bar. here are a few,
1.Only serve beer & wine i believe that's called a california bar
2.Serve wine and one kind of fancy drink like mahi-tai's
3. Have a dry wedding, pop, juice, coffee, tea, milk ect
4. Just have a champangine toast
5. have an open bar for a certian amount of time (like after dinner) which is still a faux-pas
6.have someone host an after party with all the liquor they can drink
it is hard to decide to have an open bar or not. a cash bar does seem tempting sometimes but it is unfair to the guests. but it is also unfair to you when the guests have one sip of a drink go dance, lose their drink, get another drink, and so on untill one person has orders 27 drinks but only has fully drunken 5. at my future brother in law's wedding that happened that their liquor bill came to 6 grand! 6 grand for 95 guests!? that's $63 a person!
check into where you are having the reception, some places have a pre paied bar price which is alot cheaper than paying after, that way the hall is in the loss for all thoes un drunken drinks.
side note i used to work in a reception hall and this guy i worked with when he cleared the tables and people had left un finished drinks, he would finish them. very wrong and he did get fired for it but it was so funny to see him get drunk in 1/2 and hour!
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posted by Sarah76
I'd like to add my tuppence about open bars, because I think it's an interesting cultural difference. I'm from the UK, and over here cash bars are very common. What usually happens (and what I'm doing at my wedding in August) is you serve a certain amount of free alcohol to the guests: in our case, a welcome drink, half a bottle of wine per person during the meal, and a glass of champagne each for the toasts. Then, from 9 pm-midnight, for the DJ/dancing part of the evening, guests can purchase alcohol from a cash bar. The rationale here is you are providing four drinks per person already (which I think is quite a lot); people tend to drink dangerous or wasteful amounts if it's an open bar; and we just can't afford it! So, probably what some North Americans reading this are thinking is, it's rude to have a cash bar, you should just not serve any alcohol after 9 pm. But in the UK the idea of a dry reception would be greeted with HORROR. I have told a couple of my UK friends that Americans sometimes have dry receptions and they just can't believe it. Everyone likes getting merry at weddings over here. Guess the Brits are just a nation of cheery drunks! So everyone over here would rather have the option of paying for their own additional drinks- if they wish to drink more- than not be able to have any more alcohol at all.
Just thought I'd chip in my thoughts- and this way, if any of you guys attend a UK wedding in the future, you won't be too offended! Personally I'm glad cash bars are acceptable here. One thing I've decided since I started planning my wedding a year ago (and reading postings on forums, and wediquette books) is that people get way too offended about too many things.
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posted by HeatherR
Sarah my thoughts echo yours- where I'm from a dry reception would be met with horror as well, people would rather have the ability to purchase their drinks rather than not drink at all. (I'm in NY.)
We provided an open bar all night because a lot of people had the expense of traveling, hotel, etc... (The hotel was right next door to the location so no one had to drive anywhere.)
I can tell you there were hungover on the way home the next day, but at least it didn't cost them anything to be that way.
Heather
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posted by syringa
I am a wedding coordinator in the northwestern U.S. Dry receptions are becoming increasingly common here and no one thinks anything about it. The bride and groom make the decision of what to serve and guests accept it. If a group of people want to have a drink together afterwards, they can go somewhere together to do so.
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posted by vegas bride
we have a couple of problem drinkers in the family and have decided to have a dry reception. most people we have told support the decision. We both have very strong feelings about this and luckily we are being supported.
By the way, a little background... last year my mother drank herself into the hospital and almost died due to her liquid diet. My parents told everyone it was the flu and consequently my parents still drink. i want my actions to show my 16 year old sis that drinking does not have to be a part of every function and meal.
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posted by 6amandaf6
Vegas Bride - good idea; its a battle to show teens now-a-days that responsible drinking can happen and we don't have to drink ourselves into oblivion every time.
Tiff - its not rude to have a dry reception. Like with Sarah76, we had a limited amount of $ to spend on alcohol, and after that people were expectd to buy their own. And we had a heap on the bar too, ($2000) so its not liek we skimped. But if people want to get absolutely trashed, I wasn't going to pay for it. We wanted peple to celebrate with us not provide a cheap night on the piss! And noone seemed to mind; in fact a lot of people bought their drinks the whole night anyway since they decided to drink spirits.
My thoughts; f you can't afford alcohol, don't. No point stretching your budget to accommodate other peoples opinions. I can't believe people have the nerve to complain about no alcohol. In my opinion, thats more rude than having a cash bar!!!!
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posted by HeatherR
Exactly Amanda- I agree, but I think that people would rather have the option of at least being able to purchase a drink rather than being told they can't drink at all. I agree with Syringa as well, if people really want to drink that badly, they can go somewhere after the reception to "celebrate" in their own way.
Heather
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posted by Marge129
I think I'll add my opinion now...
Every wedding reception that I've been to where there was NO alcohol only lasted about an hour. It's sad to say, but receptions are more fun when there is alcohol.
I think that cash bars are perfectly fine. We offered an open bar on beer and wine for 4 hours... cash bar for all liquor and anything after the 4 hours. No one seemed to have a problem with it at my reception, and we had no problems with people getting too drunk and there was NO underage drinking.
Margie
Rude Not To Have Open Bar?
) One wedding coordinator at a hotel told my FH and I something which I think is useful to remember (we were stressing over how much alcohol to provide): : "You are not entertaining your guests, but inviting them to celebrate with you on your special day."
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