Reception Questions ( oh so many ) :)
This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by gelfling84 on 03/03/2004.
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posted by gelfling84
I know i'm going to ask a lot of questions but please answer any you can. We are having an open house reception. My Aunt and Uncle who i currently live with have been kind enough to open their home to hold the reception however in the process my aunt has taken over the planning. There are a few issues I simply don't know how to handle.
1) Is it acceptable to have a first dance, father/daughter, mother/son dance, garter/flower toss?
2) My aunt is insisting that we have a recieving line for atleast the first hour, I'm completly fine with having one but A)should it be for a complete hour when the reception is only 2 hrs long and B)Who should stand in it? I've been told the bridal party, and his parents. My parents are divorced my father never remarried but has had a long term girlfriend of 17yrs. Should she stand in the line as well and if so how do I introduce her to friends and family? My aunt says I should have her stand there and introduce her as my stepmother. She has also said that if she doesn't stand there my aunt and uncle should, as my mother past away last year and i have been living with them since. My other concern about having my aunt and uncle stand there is they blatently dis-approve of my fiance and are only holding the open house to save apperances in front of friends, needless to say my fiance isn't happy about them standing there.
3) Our wedding ceremony is at 10:30 but the open house isn't until 7pm How do i entertain out of town family (fiance parents and siblins, my father and possibly grandpaernts, sister, and sisters children) between the two, While still being able to help set up at the house by 5pm?
Thank you in advance for your help and putting up with such a long post.
Nicole
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posted by feb-bride
I will answer your questions in the order asked. If I don't have an answer for one, I'll just put "no response" for my answer. Since you are having an open house reception, I am assuming that guests will be able to come and go as they please. If that's not the case, let me know because I might have to modify some of my responses.
1) The only problem with the first dance, father/daughter dance, etc., is that if people are going to be coming and going as they please, there might not be a "right time" for this. I don't think you need to have the guests dancing in order to do this, though. When my best friend got married, the reception was in a restaurant. There was no dancing for the guests, but the restaurant was kind enough to play "their song" and they did share a dance as husband and wife. You can have bouquet/garter tosses as well.
2) Usually, only the bride, groom, and mothers are in the receiving line. The fathers are usually mingling and greeting guests, and the wedding party is usually NOT in the receiving line. In your case, since the reception is only two hours, you should do your receiving line at the ceremony site as soon as your wedding ceremony is done. I would not do it at the house. And in your particular situation, I would only have me and my husband in the receiving line - no parents or your aunt/uncle.
3) Is there any way you can either have the open house earlier or the ceremony later? That is a HUGE gap for your guests. You should provide them with something to do. For example, if you are getting married somewhere that has a nice museum or other touristy-type things, you should set up a tour. In my opinion, the guests should not have to pay for this.
I have a question of my own, and please don't take this the wrong way, but if your aunt and uncle are so disapproving of your fiance', then why are you even having your reception in their home? How does your fiance' feel about having the reception in their home? It this was me, I would save up the money and have the reception somewhere else if the people who were offering something to me did not like my fiance' and let him know it. That's just me, though.
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posted by angel17
I agree with everything Feb Bride wrote and questions shes asked. When you answer her, please include the # of guests you are talking about so I can better tailor my answer.
But in the meantime:
2)It makes no sense introducing your fathers girlfriend as your step mother since she isn't (and especially since you are not living with her and it seems you were with your mom before moving in with your aunt and uncle).
3) whatever arrangements are being made for the day you are the bride and should not be setting up anything. If you can't afford to hire outsiders, recruit friends to help. I'm also wondering about why the reception is being held so late in the day. Lets assume you change your start time and keep an evening open house. By 7pm your guest will be expecting dinner - calling it an open house does not change this and as you are talking about only having a 2 hour reception you don't have time for a receiving line. You'll barely have time to eat and mingle/take pictures with your guests.
See, I started answering anyway, I'll post back more when you've given more details.
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posted by Holly
Hi,
1) It is acceptable, but if it's a come-and-go style of reception, then it may not work out the way that you want.
2) I don't think you have to do a receiving line. If you did one, I agree with the previous posters and say that you shouldn't introduce your dad's girlfriend as your stepmom (what is your aunt thinking?) and just have the two of you in the receiving line. But if it is a come-and-go reception, I would think that a receiving line would be awkward. It may just be easier to greet people as they come, and thank them for coming. Otherwise you could be standing in a receiving line all night.
3) In my opinion, it's too big of a gap. Guests should have something to do to entertain themselves. Also (and correct me if I'm wrong here), are you thinking about setting up your aunt's house after the ceremony, and before the reception? Would it be possible to get everything ready a couple of days before, or even the day before the wedding? It seems that setting up the house could be stressful at this time. If food needed to be set out, then could your aunt and uncle do it? I think you will likely be busy doing other things.
I also agree with feb-bride, about holding your reception at your aunt and uncle's house. If they really don't approve of your fiance, it could be very awkward for him. Are there any other options for you? Could you hold it at your dad's house, or a park pavillion, or a room in an arena?
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posted by catina
1) If you want a dance, go for it. But it's not neccessary.
2)I would pass on the receiving line. Or, have it right after the ceremony, just you and your fiance. How do you normally introduce your father's girlfriend? Are they living together? Definitely don't include your Aunt and Uncle in it.
3) Can you move the time of the ceremony up? It is quite early.
Maybe your father could help you with a reception instead of your Aunt and Uncle?
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posted by syringa
The only way to successfully have such a big gap in time is to have a small ceremony attended only by a small number of guests, then have a larger reception later. To ask all of your guests to attend a morning ceremony and then to come back again in the evening just won't happen. Guests will decide to attend one or the other, but not both events. You really should have some type of reception right after the ceremony even if it is cake and punch at the church.
Definitely do the receiving line at the church, then greet guests as they arrive at the reception rather than having a receiving line there.
You as the bride shouldn't have to be involved in the set up and clean up for the reception. You may want to rethink this entire scenario and look at it from your guests' perspective.
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posted by gelfling84
Thanks for all your answers. We are only having family at the ceremony. I'm not too happy about the gap but am unable to change the times. However it will only be family that has to be entertained in between. I'm just not sure what to do with them. The town we live in has nothing really to go see other than a crummy museum and a zoo. We are having the open house at my aunt and uncles because they offered. My fiance and i talked it over long and hard and although it isn't our first choice it is the easiest and most cost effective and we are working on an VERY small buget. Waiting to save money isn't worth it (due to current living situations both mine and his).
At the open house we are looking at maybe 75-100 people. Most of them will come and quickly leave.
I know in a perfect world I wouldn't be involved in setup or clean up but i live no where near perfect so it seems setting up is unavoidable however i don't have to help with clean up.
nicole
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