Difficulty getting a date set - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

cdlane · #1 01-09-2009, 03:39 AM

My fiance recently came back from Iraq - and yes we have had our ups and downs, but have gone through the counseling... Anyways, I have begun to run into a problem. He doesn't want to set a date. He loves me, I know this, but still doesn't want to set a date.

The reason for this is that 2 of the men he was wanting to stand up in our wedding will be getting deployed this summer, however, there is a possibility that they will be back by the time I would like to have the wedding (May 8, 2010 - to keep with our anniversary of when we started dating). But it's not positive as to if they will be or not.

Is it wrong of me to still want to go ahead and set a date? I mean this allows his 2 brothers to stand up in the wedding instead of just being ushers. Or should I just let things settle down and ride it out - even though it'll put us in a crunch to get everything arranged in time if they are able to be home in time for the wedding.

lisabrookeskift · #2 01-09-2009, 06:17 PM

Being in a relationship with a man in the military, who has been deployed, I imagine you're familiar to some degree with the military culture itself. These guys (and gals) get extremely close to their comrades to the degree that it can be like family.

It sounds like it's very important for his two "brothers" to stand by his side at your wedding. The timing is such that it's unclear when they will be back. I understand why you're sentimentally attached to the date as well - and that it might get sticky with last minute plan changes and all of that to accomodate them.

Think about the big picture here: Is it more important in the "big picture" for you to have the wedding fall in a certain time frame from when you began dating or is it more important for you both to be able to have the people you want be there in the roles you want them?

Whether or not you two want to marry is clearly not the question - but when it will happen. You two have worked through previous trials and tribulations together via counseling which is great - I imagine you'll be able to navigate through this.

Think "big picture" and what the two options would mean to each of you from that lens.