This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by dirtdart21 on 03/03/2002.
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posted by dirtdart21
My fiance' and I are having a disagreement on having an open bar vs. a cash bar. My concern is the amount of money an open bar will cost. What would be a proper way to deal with this issue? I have suggested only having an open bar for an hour. And a secong part to this concern is who pays for this? I have heard bride's parents, and I've heard grooms parents, and I am not really sure? Please help...this is our only disagreement about the whole wedding!
Jodi Bailey
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posted by syringa
Cash bars are more acceptable in some areas of the country than others. In my area, they are fairly common if mixed drinks are offered. There are several ways to handle the situation. You can host only certain things, like beer and wine, then if your guests want other drinks they pay for them. Or, as you mentioned, you can host the bar for an hour or for a certain amount of money, such as $500, then when the time or money runs out, the guests pay.
As for who pays for the bar, there are no etiquette rules specifically related to this issue. The groom's parents sometimes offer to pay, but they don't have to. If the bride's parents are covering most of the costs of the wedding, they might be the ones to pay, or you and your fiance can handle the cost.
One thing that might help you in deciding what to do is knowing what the laws in your state say regarding the responsibilities of the hosts when alcohol is served. In my state, cash bars are popular because they limit the liability of the hosts if someone drinks too much. If the guest purchased their own drinks, then the hosts aren't held responsible for their actions, which may include damage to property, harrassment of guests, fighting, and other situations besides car accidents.
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posted by feb-bride
Jodi - I would not do a cash bar unless they are considered acceptable in your part of the country. Where I'm from (Northern California), it would be considered rude to expect the guests to pay for their own drinks, considering that they're already buying you a wedding gift.
What we did (because we are not made of money) was to only serve beer, wine, champagne (for the toast), soda, and water. We had about 125 guests and spent less than $700 on all drinks.
As for who pays, there don't seem to be any "hard-and-fast" rules anymore. When I got married, my husband and I paid for everything except for the wine, which my father bought for us.
If you're uncertain about who will pay for this, the best way to handle it is to find out up-front what your parents and your fiance's parents plan to contribute. Perhaps you can ask your parents what (if anything) they can contribute and your fiance' can ask his parents.
Hope this helps. Good luck and congratulations!
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posted by wynelle
I agree. In the South, cash bars are considered in poor taste for the same reason. If you want to invite someone to your wedding and reception, then don't expect them to pay for their drinks. Would you have a cash bar in your home if you invited friends over for a birthday party? If you can't afford an open bar (and a lot of us can't, or aren't willing to!!), then only serve beer, wine and soft drinks. As for who pays, traditionally, since it is part of the wedding reception, the bride and/or her family are responsible; but as times have evolved and more bridal couples are hosting, both sets of parents are offering financial assistance.
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posted by octbride
Whatever you choose it is always best to put a limit on how much people can drink. My cousins reception was ruined thanks to someone getting too drunk. Her brother just got married and what he did was hand out drink tickets, I think that everyone (of age) got three each and they had to hand them over when they got a drink.
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posted by feb-bride
One thing about drink tickets - if you have an alcoholic at your reception, drink tickets won't guarantee that he won't have more than his share of drinks. Just because he only has three tickets doesn't mean that he won't ask non-drinkers for their tickets.
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posted by MissW
I am a future bride who is also dealing with this dilemma...my family is full of recovering alcoholics and we do not want to make my relatives uncomfortable, but his family is full of drinkers and we have been told that they will leave if alcohol is not served. In order to avoid paying for his family (and a good portion of our friends) to just get drunk, we have opted for a cash bar. (We live in Missouri, so it takes a lot to be considered bad taste or rude) We will supply soda, tea and a champagne toast, but everything else will be paid for by the guests.
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posted by wynelle
Oh.. I love a bride with a sense of humor!!
Welcome to the group, Miss W.
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posted by tish9774
Hi. I am from the east coast and people would drop dead if you asked them to pay for a drink (or to dance with you, but that is another matter) and my guy is from the midwest and has gone to weddings where your only drinks came from a soda machine in the hall. Since our wedding is in NJ, I won and we will have an open bar. If you haven't made a ton of plans yet, then maybe you should look for a reception center that has open bar included. We are paying one flat fee per person and it includes a sit down dinner, open bar, cocktail hour, the cake, floral centerpieces for the tables, and a bridal suite in the hotel. The price ($70 per person) was a little higher than we wanted to spend, but we made up for it with the extras they give us. If you haven't set a date yet, you could have your wedding on a Friday night and in an off peak month like January and you would be amazed at how far your money can go. Also, I went to a wedding in Phoenix and the bar consisted of a margarita slurpee machine, vodka, wine, rum, and beer. They bottles were purchased in advance at a discount liquor store and since the margaritas were such a hit, many of the liquor bottles were returned. Hope you find what's right for your wedding.
By the way, Wynelle, what is a junior member?
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posted by wynelle
I have no idea. I hadn't noticed that I had changed from "starting member" until you pointed it out. I think it has to do with how long you have participated. I started with this group almost 2 years ago when my daughter, then my sweeite's daughters were engaged, and now its my turn! This Saturday, in fact...
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posted by feb-bride
I could be wrong, but I think the "member status" designation has to do with how many posts you have on the site.
Wynelle - This Saturday, huh? I bet you're excited!
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posted by Summerbride
You'll probably want to have a "limited open bar" which is what another bride suggested. YOU pay for soda, wine and beer, and stop there, or you COULD offer your guests the option of a "cash bar" if they want a mixed drink. I think as a host, you need to provide your guests something to drink, but if they want a Stoli's on the rocks, they can pay for it!
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posted by kmonte
i agree with tish..im from nj and people would drop dead if they had to pay for their own drinks..most catering facilities around here include the open bar with the reception package..for example, my reception package is $47.95 per person with the 5 hour top shelf open bar and all the food and stuff. so it does depend on where your from. if a cash bar is acceptable where you live then go for it.
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