limited reception space - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

garysbride · #1 02-01-2006, 04:13 AM

I have a delima...the place where I would like to hold my reception holds a max of 125pp. I am very active in my church. There are more people I'd like to invite to the ceremony itself than I am able to invite to the reception. Is there a way to do this? Another couple in my church got married last year and only sent invitations to those who were invited to the reception as well, but made a general announcement that all church members were invited to the ceremony: with the disclaimer that not everyone could be invited to the reception due to number limitations.

Any advice?

Complicated Woman · #2 02-01-2006, 04:22 AM

I would do what that couple said.

I serve as a youth pastor in my church and my fiance is on the board, and we're just going to invite people to the ceremony and then have a dessert/coffee setup downstairs for anyone who would like to say hello to us and hang out for a while but we can't afford to invite to the reception. We're also making an effort to keep the guest list really small, so we don't get any "How come so and so was invited and I wasn't?" Also, consider a time other than a Saturday so that people are less likely to come and expect to attend the reception.

Best of luck and welcome to Pash!

555Ann555 · #3 02-01-2006, 04:23 AM

Oh that's a tough one...

Firstly welcome to Pash

It's always great to get new members

On the reception issue I think your best bet is just inviting those you can have at the reception and be honest with the rest.

Our site holds 100 max so I've had to cut our list quite a bit, but I've managed (so far!) by being quite strict about which 'groups' are invited, like no work colleagues...

ETA: Good point CW! We're having our wedding on a Friday afternoon partially because it's easier on the friends we can't invite as they'd be working anyway...

ljeagle · #4 02-01-2006, 06:45 AM

Welcome to Pash! Why not invite every one to the ceremony. Then have two reception one for the church people with just Cake and punch. Maybe the day after the wedding or after church service one night. Then invite the others to a reception right after the ceremony. Just inform your church that you don't see any other way to do this.

TheaterDiva1 · #5 02-01-2006, 02:39 PM

There's bound to be hurt feelings. Don't you think people will notice that a select few get to go to the reception and they'll be left out? Plus, a ceremony invitation carries a gift obligation, so that's like saying "You can come to the church and bring a gift, but you can't come to the party."

Garysbride: assuming budget isn't an issue here (I don't know, since you didn't say), etiquette says you should first plan how many people you want, then find a space to fit. Can you find a more accommodating space you'd still love?

Complicated Woman · #6 02-01-2006, 02:42 PM

I'm *pretty* sure that ettiquette allows that you may want to invite church members to a ceremony and not a reception, and that is ok. It's the only exception to the "invite everyone to both" rule. Again, definitely keep it very close as far as who you DO invite from church to attend the reception -- I've had to rule out some people I might have otherwise invited because it would open up a can of worms.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #7 02-01-2006, 03:09 PM

Welcome to Pash!!

I agree with CW. We were recently discussing this, weren't we? I forget where... Was it about your wedding, CW--or someone else involved in the church? But I agree it would be ok to have a general announcement in the church bulletin--anyone who would like to witness the ceremony is welcome to attend. It WOULD be nice to have a quick little cake cutting for everyone. But then only send actual invitations to close friends and family for the "real" reception to follow.

Looking forward to getting to know you better and hear more about your wedding, Garysbride!

feb-bride · #8 02-01-2006, 03:22 PM

Throwing my input in here.

According to etiquette (and plain ol' good manners), you can't specifically invite people - even fellow church members - to the ceremony if you're not inviting them to the reception.

The only way around that is by having the church print something in the weekly/monthly bulletin. Since churches are public places, anyone (even those who don't belong to your church) can attend a wedding ceremony. This way, those who are not invited to the ceremony/reception will still know the date/time it's taking place. If they want to attend the ceremony, then there's no gift obligation because you did not specifically invite them.

deputysgurl · #9 02-01-2006, 03:32 PM

Hello and Welcome to Pash.

I agree with Feb on this one.

Lizbet · #10 02-01-2006, 04:05 PM

Welcome to Pash!

I don't have any words of wisdom on this query, but I wanted to say, "Hi, it's nice to have you here."

Chillchacha · #11 02-01-2006, 07:32 PM

I used to be highly involved in my church and we had this come up quite often. Our church was tight knit, you know everyone knew everyone, so we would do a general announcement of weddings. Most people where invited to the wedding because they where usually held at the church we attended and after there would be cookies and punch for those who where not invited to the reception. For those who where not getting married at the church we would have cookies and punch after the church service on the Sunday before the couples wedding. I was the Jr. High pastor so if the couple was in our youth group (college and career group) all the youth groups pitched in like $10-25 from our budgets. If the couple was from the adult congregation either the church paid for it or a member would as a gift to the bride and groom.

It is nice to meet you Garysbride

Kim&Bob2004 · #12 02-01-2006, 07:53 PM

When we were planing our wedding this never was a consideration. I just assumed that if one was invited to the ceremony then they would attend the reception kind of as a gift to the attendee. Like saying, thank you for sharing this most blessed day with us sort of thing. I guess I would want to know what time of year your wedding was, the time of day.... and if there was a way that the outside could also be used for people to mingle. A sit down meal is nice, but maybe in your case you might need to rethink. I have found that most people at our wedding and other weddings attended, tend to want to leave within an hour or so after the wedding. People demanded at our wedding that we cut the cake before we were done eating, and at a friends wedding recently people were milling around bored waiting for the cake to be cut and then they ate it and left.......

Maybe it's just a northwest thing..........????????

BTW, WELCOME!!!!!!!!!

whiddle · #13 02-02-2006, 01:00 AM

garysbride Welcome to Pash!

I think the best way would be to have a general announcement to church members so that they can make the decision to come and not have an obligation to bring a gift. I would have a cake and punch reception after the ceremony at the church for those not invited to the actual reception.

I would not invite anyone from the church to your actual reception to avoid why them and not me questions (except the pastor/minister...whatever).

Good Luck!

lisa82 · #14 02-02-2006, 05:25 AM

Welcome to Pash!!!

I know i'm not going to be very much help, but i'll give you the 2 best examples I can think of.

When I was little, one couple at our church got married right after the church service, everyone was invited. Then afterwards we had a great big potluck dinner and dancing. It was alot of fun! And it cost the couple next to nothing. The entire congragation was more than happy to contribute to their special day, and it was a fun time for everyone.

The other is my brother. Him and his wife had a very small ceremony at her parents house, only immediate family, then we all went out for dinner. Then for our "church family" they had a snacks and coffee type thing. Many of the congregation insisted on bringing them gifts, which they weren't expecting but greatfully accepted! And my brother and sister-inlaw handed out cute little handmade potpurrie (sp?) flowers (with a tag that had their names and wedding date on them) that my sister and sister-in law made.

Sorry I can't be of more help!

SuzyBride · #15 02-03-2006, 01:19 AM

Don't really have any suggestions, just wanted to say welcome!!!