What to do about last names?

[CSmith]

I know there's a topic already on the front page about this, but I didn't want to hijack it, so...

I'm recently engaged, and the topic of what to do about last names has come up. I wouldn't have any problem with my fiancée wanting to keep her last name or hyphenate, but she wants us both to have the same name without her taking mine -- she'd like us both to either hyphenate, or combine our names in some other manner. To be honest, I'm not thrilled about the prospect; I'm an only child, and so was my father, meaning that if I change my last name, it will "die out" (sort of, my last name is Smith, so it's not like there won't be any left, but I'm the last of my family line, I guess).

Am I being unreasonable by wanting to keep my name? Is there a solution that would be a good compromise? I've heard about each person taking the partner's last name as their middle name, and I might look into that.

[Heather]

Originally Posted by CSmith

Am I being unreasonable by wanting to keep my name? Is there a solution that would be a good compromise? I've heard about each person taking the partner's last name as their middle name, and I might look into that.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, especially being an only child. If it's something that means a lot to you, then I wouldn't compromise for something like this. But, it doesn't sound like she's opposed to the option you mention here.

Would you consider adding her last name as your middle name? Honestly, it's not like you would use it very often and you would still have your first and last name. In fact, I'm not sure you would have to legally change anything, I think you can just start using it wherever using your middle name is appropriate.

(Welcome to Pash by the way!)

Welcome to Pash!

I think Heather's got a good idea. I can understand why you wouldn't want to change it, and she shouldn't push you to do so if you're not happy about it.

[The future Mrs.]

why does she not want to take yours officially? usually girls only want to keep their last names for business purposes, or if she is a movie star. LOL

is it business related or a sentimental thing?

Not all women choose to keep it because of business reasons. I'm keeping mine for both professional reasons and because I'm the only female Lastname .

[NovemberGal]

For a lot of women, the last name they were raised with is really tied into their ideas about their identity, whether it's an established business name or not. I really struggled with giving mine up, for no other reason except it is ME. I compromised by making my maiden my middle, and I use the full three names for my byline.

[PlanetClaire]

Keep your own names! Changing ID is a PITA! And in my case having to change it back again is a bigger pain!!

[feb-bride]

I'm not a movie star, but I kept my maiden name, and it wasn't strictly for business reasons. I kept my maiden name because I think a woman should not be forced to change her last name.

I think that in this case, if you want to keep your last name, you should. If your future wife wants both of you to have the same last name, she can change hers. Otherwise, she can keep her maiden name and you can keep your last name. It doesn't make you any less married just because you have different last names.

[RJE080703]

Personally I had no intention on keeping my maiden name because it meant nothing to me. My biological father was the closest thing to a sperm donor as they get. He was and is a piece of shit and no longer in my life... And even as far as I am concerned he doesnt exist for my daughter's sake...

I personally in my case saw changing my last name as a blessing that I had been waiting for the day since as far back as I can remember.

[The future Mrs.]

you probably think that your case is unique but ironically its not. I CAN"T WAIT TO GET RID OF MY LAST NAME. my father was a p.o.s too and my brothers and i were all looking into changing our names anyway, because we wanted no association with him.

so i am very excited about getting rid of it!
Gina

[feb-bride]

That's awful that you both felt like you had to flee your maiden names because your dads were crappy. I am so sorry to hear that your dads suck.

I adore my dad and didn't want to drop his name just because I was getting married.