What is up with people? long sorry

[ljeagle]

Grrrrrr I just been thinking today and The more I think the more upset I get. I have told u all be-4 my MOH and BM was getting married in May also. Well my brides maid fh is having trouble with his divorce so they have put it off. We use to talk every day M-f. Well since her wedding was put off she has not been calling or answering my phone calls like she use to. When we do talk and I say something about the wedding she changes the subject. OK I under stand but lord u could be a little helpful u are a BM.

Now my MOH lord help her. I have talked to her I can't tell u how many times since Christmas and she forgot to tell me one major detail. They called the wedding off and she broke up with him. She called last week and ask if I could watch her two boys so she could go do a few things she needed to do. Well I had to work so I couldn't make time to help her out. She called again Sat. and I wasn't home and left a message to see if I could watch the boys so she could go out with Heather (BM). She knows the only time I get with my fh is weekends why even ask me to do that when she knows I can't. Well I wasn't home so I called her yesterday and left a message telling her I wasn't home and didn't get the message until it was to late. She called back today and didn't act to nice about every thing. Well we talked every thing out and I said so have u picked are dresses out for your wedding yet. She laughed! I said what is going on. She said we broke up if u was around u would know that. I said hold it when did this happen. Thats when she told me Christmas eve. OK I called Christmas Eve and told her how Kenny gave me my ring and she didn't tell me this. I know we have talked about her wedding since then. She goes in to tell me Her and Heather feel like I have left them out of my life. OK I have a job a wedding to plan and my fh On weekend. When do I have time! She ask if I would go out this Sat. with them. She knows I can't do that and I don't want to go to a bar with out FH. The only time I get to see Kenny is weekends and maybe 2 hours during the week. I told her I can't take the only time I have with Kenny to go to a bar. If they wanted to do something we could plan to go to lunch one day. She gets all mad and says what ever and hangs the phone up. WTF!

I have more things to worry about then pleasing them. Maybe I haven't been able to spend as much time with them as I use to but who has the time. B-4 Kenny and I got together the only thing we all did was go to diner and to bars on the weekends I'm so ready to forget them and ask 2 of my sisters to be in the wedding. This is total stressing me out and I know if I say any thing to FH about it he is just going to get mad and say no they don't need to be in the wedding. He don't like them any ways they are always trying to get in the middle and cause trouble. I know this is long I'm just mad and have no one to talk to. grrrrr

[roseprincess]

well, I'll be the first to respond and let you know that you're justified in feeling the way you do. It's not your fault that their weddings collapsed and yours is still on. And it sounds like you've got your priorities straight. You will have to cool off and talk to them about whether they're committed to helping you & supporting your marriage or would rather step down.

[Heather]

I agree with Rose. How stressful!

[fallbride]

Don't you love the drama of friends sometimes. I am sure you have seen my post of my drama going on. I am glad to say the wedding party should have all the drama queens out of it now. Maybe your drama queens and get together with mine.

[cru5h]

I agree with Rose as well. Your friends are being a little immature about all of this.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Yeah, it sounds like just because they're upset about THEIR weddings/relationships falling apart they're going to punish you for being happy. Kenny was SO romantic on Christmas Eve and how he gave you the ring! I can see why if she JUST broke up and you call gushing about your amazing proposal she'll be all woe-is-me, how dare you get this amazing proposal when my fiance just dumped me!! Is it FAIR to you? No, of course not. People have different ways of dealing with loss. It sounds like these two girls "bonded in misery" and decided that you're a b!tch for getting married and being happy. And so they commiserate and keep YOU out of the loop, and they need to villainize you for getting married, so they say, oh, if you weren't so all about your wedding you'd know. It's their behavior that has affected the friendship, not yours. I guess the next step depends on what you want from the friendship. Do you want to be there and give them a shoulder to cry on and maybe lay off the wedding talk because talking about it only stabs them that they're NOT getting married? It sounds like it's too painful for them right now.

[Cirig]

This is rough. But for most people, there comes a time when you *have* to leave friends behind. It's not always easy- ussually isn't. But it seems as though you are past that part of your life, and they are still there. Lots of times friends are willing to keep in touch and still be friends even thoguh one has moved on- but then there are cases like yours. By the sounds of it, these girls are not going to be real friends, unless you are in their immediate circle.

So, b4 I keep going on- I think it would probably be best to let them go, peacefully. Ask your sisters to be in your wedding. They will always be there, regardless of what stage in your life you are at.

[ladedah]

I say I have to agree...i got rid of two BM who were pains in the behinds...and subsequently released them from my friendship....Can I just tell you that while it sucked at the time...it was the best thing I have ever done...I am having such a good time with my attendants now and we don't just sit around talking about the other two's drama all the time.

Release of PITA friends = decreased stress, increased happiness

[ljeagle]

I have enough stress right now and don't need all this drama. Candy called today and I didn't answer the phone. I just wasn't in the mood to listen to her. She left a message that said "call me we need to talk" I just have to much on me right now to worry about them thinking I have put them out of my life. Thanks Ladies I just have no one to talk to.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

It sounds like she's trying to reach out to you to work through the issue. If you don't call her back, then you ARE shutting her out of your life. Not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what you're wanting. [I've "broken up" with friends and am all for ending a friendship that's draining and brings more negativity to your life than postive feelings.] But that's the big question: Do you want to maintain a friendship with them?

[roseprincess]

LOL, I'm glad other people fleshed out what I was trying to say... I was too tired and steeped in my own drama last night to be able to effectively communicate what I was thinking.

I agree w/ Cirig that you seem to be past that part of your life where these are people you will be spending quality time with. They know your sitch & everything that takes up your time, and aren't willing to meet you halfway, like go to lunch instead of bar-hopping on a Saturday night. That's not what a real friend does. And, if Kenny doesn't like spending time with them, you'll have added stress during all the main events leading up to the wedding. It really sounds like they need to get *their* priorities in order, like you have.

It's been a whole month since Christmas, your MOH could've called at some point and simply said "let's talk about ME for a sec", then told you about her broken engagement. She CHOSE to play the victim. Don't let her manipulate you into thinking otherwise. And the whole babysitting-her-kids thing so she could go out with the BM? Ugh, don't get me started on that. I say dump 'em both.

ETA: oops, was posting at the same time as LJ & MTGH. I agree that you should call her back. But be prepared for a) her wanting to kiss & make up, or b) her wanting to announce that she's done with you. Just sayin'...

[ljeagle]

I see how she must feel but it is not my fault she kicked Jay to the curb. We all new it would never happen. We just all thought she was looking for a way out of her parents house and a daddy for her two kids. What bugs me so much we have talked since Christmas about tones of things. She had told me she talked to the youngest babies daddy and they was getting along better. He has done her so wrong in the past and he started out to be the best guy ever and just breaks her heart. But she keeps running back! I know we have talked about her wedding. I remember asking her if the dress was going to show are shoes. Cause I wanted to know if I was going to be able to wear my slippers. I have ankle problems and if I wear hill and have to stand for a while I go get a cortazone (sp) shot a few days b-4 the event. So I needed to know if I needed to talk to the doc and see if he would give me two shots in one month.

Any ways I can go on and on. Sorry! I am going to call her back just trying to cool down alittle...

[Jennifer]

Can I just get an AMEN! I had the same drama with one bridesmaid other drama with a few others. It was so bad I questioned our friendship. However, just remember that at the end of your day...you will be married to the man you love. You can't let them stress you out on top of everything you are already going through. The month prior to the wedding I had headaches and chest pains every day from drama and stress. Since the wedding...nothing. Me and my friends are ok, life is back to normal and I am not running around worrying about wedding details.

Take time...enjoy every detail and plan you have made, and just try to realize that no matter what happens...everything will work out.

[PlanetClaire]

Devil's Advocate......

Would it really kill you to spare your friends 1 night? I think that would make the world of difference. I have always been annoyed by friends who are available to do stuff until they get a man in their lives and then they are always too busy. But as soon as there is a problem of any kind with the guy they are on the phone wanting to get together etc... Friendship is a 2-way street.

Your friends don't have to like Kenny and he doesn't have to like them; as long as there is no bad-mouthing of each other. All my friends don't get along and I don't force interaction. But friends are as imporatnt in our lives as our spouse is. I don't see the harm in going out with them 1 night, even if it means not seeing Kenny. They're probably just being bratty because they miss you and instead of just saying that it comes out in passive/agressive behaviour.

Yes it is immature of your friends to be upset because their plans were cancelled and yours weren't. But I would be a little upset too. Not at you but I'd feel kind of sorry for myself!

I come on here to talk wedding plans with you all because it is all consuming!! I'm sure my friends are bored stiff at all the details and planning and I have to accept that and can't force them to be as insterested as I am. That's why I come here where we all share that passion/obsession.

I'm just suggesting you think about it form their point of view. And yes I have let friends go, actually a lot of them but I think it deserves a good think through before you do that!

Good luck!

[ljeagle]

I don't mind to get with them during the week and do something. As long as it is not a bar. FH and I have made a rule I don't go to a bar with out him and he don't go with out me. They are wanting me to go a hour and half away to go to a bar that we went on my B-day. I went by my self and it didn't go over well at all. Yes I was drunk and that didn't help at all. It's a wild bar and it just is not something I want to do. I even told them that night this would be the last bar I went to with out FH. My MOH don't work so she can do any thing she wants during the week at night when her mother is home. My bm works days and she has said she is free during the week after work. I see the problem is they don't have a DD to drive there butts around. I'm going to call her tonight after I know the kids are asleep so we can talk. I think a big problem is she is lonely and she is use to us never going any where with out each other. She was fine when her and Jay was together. The only time she wanted to do any thing was week days. Now she don't have any one she wants me to party on weekends or watch her kids so she can party.

[feb-bride]

I am on the fence on this one.

I agree with everything PlanetClaire said regarding the fact that friendship relationships are as important to maintain as marital relationships. I realize that you only see Kenny on weekends right now, but I don't think one night out of your life is asking too much for two women who are supposed to be your best friends.

When my best friend lived in town, she only saw her husband a couple of days a week because of his work schedule (worked nights and slept during the day), but she ALWAYS made time for me, and vice-versa. I love her husband, but there are times when I want her to myself, and we're close enough to make sure that we don't lose that connection that existed before we met our husbands.

Then, I saw ljeagle's reply about being willing to spend a weekend evening with the friends, just not at a bar. If you're offering to spend a Saturday evening with them as long as it's not at a bar, then they should be willing to meet you halfway on that.

It seems to me that your friends are still at a point in life where they want to hang out at bars, etc. If that's no longer your style, then that's fine, but be prepared to lose the friendships, or at least expect the dynamics to change drastically.

I hope everything works out for you.

[Jacqueline]

i have to aggree with rose