last name

[McKsly]

Hi there,

I'm getting married this summer and my WTB and I still haven't decided on what we are doing with our last names. We both like our last names but can both see some drawbacks to them too.

I was hoping to get some opinions from the forum. To keep this unbiased I won't tell you which name is my WTB's and which is mine. I'd appreciate your thoughts on a man taking his wife's name in general as well as your specific thoughts on our actual names.

We are not excited to hyphenate because the name becomes very long and we don't want our kids to have a hyphenated name. We also are not excited about keeping our own separate last names because when we have kids we want to have one family name.

Anyway, here are the names in no particular order.

McKechnie - Long and hard to pronounce but has a nice Scottish heritage

Sly - Short and easy to remember/pronounce, but some people think of the word "sly" in a negative way

Thanks in advance for your ideas!!

[SerendipityCrafts]

I don't have the legal right (in Quebec) to use DH's last name so, I am not going to be much help. I chose to hyphenate my last name in social circumstances only because I am/was known by my maiden name but I can switch it out whenever I feel like it.

Are either of you going to be the last to carry on your own family name?

Have you thought about what last name you will give your children? Would you like your name to be the same?

Either of the names are alright by me. I don't see a negative connotation in the name Sly and I don't have a hard time pronouncing McKechnie.

[feb-bride]

I find it so refreshing to see that a man is willing to consider taking a woman's last name!

I don't see a problem with either of those last names. If you are undecided, I would probably first consider if one of your last names will "die out" if you changed last names (e.g., if either you or your FW are the last in the family with that last name).

[justnmary]

I didn't even know it was legal for a man to take his wifes name. I guess I just never heard it before now.

[sparklesweetie]

Originally Posted by SerendipityCrafts

I don't have the legal right (in Quebec) to use DH's last name so, I am not going to be much help.

How come?

Something else to consider - if you should decide to change yours, be prepared for the massive amount of paperwork involved. You will get hassle from officals and others just because it's not the accepted procedure. Not that it should stop you.

Good luck.

[RJE080703]

I have actually heard of this once before. A girl I graduated with got married last summer, and her family is very very very well known in our town and well respected. He on the other hand was from another area of the state. They decided to live in her hometown and raise their future children in our town because it is small and very close nit. Because of all this he chose to take her name because of the history and reputation the name gives them. If she would have taken his, they would have to start all over becuase no body would recognize his name.

I dont necessarily agree with their reasoning on why he decided to take her name because she is riding on the skirt tails of her parents and everything they ahve done in this community instead of making their own way.

But each is to their own! So I say its a decision you and your future wife must make together and for your own reasons.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Originally Posted by sparklesweetie

How come?

Because I live in a stupid repressive province. In all other provinces, you have the choice to keep your madien name or take your married name but in Quebec, you can't take your husband's name. Period.

Believe it or not the concept behind the law, was to empower women and protect their rights ???? I personally don't see how a government telling me what name I can use or not use, is empowering.

I can use his name socially and I can even open a bank account under my married name but I can't file taxes, change my drivers licence or even be admitted to a hospital under my married name <<<<<<<< this makes for a LOT of confusion when you have visitors come to the hospital asking for you using your married name!

When we move out of this outrageous province, I will be able to use his name and I will do so happily!

Canada (Quebec)
In all Canadian provinces except Quebec, customs relating to maiden names in marriages are the same as in the rest of the English-speaking world. In Quebec, however, the custom until 1981 was similar to that in France. Women would traditionally go by their husband's surname in daily life, but their maiden name remained their legal name.[1] Since the passage of a 1981 provincial law, intended to promote gender equality as outlined in the Quebec Charter of Rights, no change may be made to a person's name without the authorization of the registrar of civil status or the authorization of the court. Newlyweds who wish to change their names upon marriage must therefore go through the same procedure as those changing their names for other reasons. The registrar of civil status may authorize a name change if: 1) the the name the person generally uses does not correspond to the name on their birth certificate, 2) where the name is of foreign origin or too difficult to pronounce or write in its original form, or 3) where the name invites ridicule or has become infamous. [2] This law does not allow a woman to immediately legally change her name upon marriage, as marriage is not listed among the reasons for a name change.[3]. However, she can use her husband's name socially and may eventually apply to change it under the "general use" clause.

[Julz518]

Well, I'm goignt o go against the grain and say I REALLY like McKechnie! Just because it's different...

BUT, it is totally up to you two. Are either or you "attached" to your last name, either personally or professionally?

I know it took me FOREVER to decide whether or not to change my name... which is wierd bc when I was little I couldn't WAIT to change it! But now I'm older and have an established career and a few degrees and licenses under this name, and so I feel it is kind of integral to my identity. However, my fiance was quite offended when I told him I wanted to keep my last name.

To make a long story short, I determined that the MOST important thing to me was to have the same last name as my kids. And our pre-marital counselor pointed out that by getting married I am "changing" my identity, so why not change my name? So I am changing it personally, but I will keep using my maiden name professionally (and both will be "legal"). So I get to have my cake and eat it too!

What I would suggest you do is the following:
1) Determine if you both want to have the SAME last name, or if you are ok having different last names. Which one will your children take?
2) Is there any "heritage" to either last name - are either of you the "last one" or are their "untangible" benefits to either name?
3) Which one of you would suffer more "consequences" by changing your name? Which name do people expect you to use? How will it affect either or you legally or professionally?

Good luck! And I also applaud you for being willing to take your wife's last name! (I tried to talk my fiance into that, but he dislikes my dad too much to have the same last name. )

[NovemberGal]

I like McKechnie a lot (but I tend to like Irish/Scottish names) and don't think it is at all hard to pronounce--assuming I'm pronouncing it correctly! I'm thinking it's either muh-KEHK-nee (that's the best I can do at phonetics right now) or, less likely, muh-KETCH-nee?

I think Julz has covered it well, although I think you've already answered the first question--you want one name for everyone in the family, whichever name that is.

You say you don't want to hyphenate, but Sly-McKechnie (or McKechnie-Sly) doesn't seem all that long or complicated to me, as far as hyphenated names go.

Also, keep in mind that if you change your name, you will have to pay a fee. Women (in the US at least) get a free name change when they marry, but men do not (yet--it would be nice to see that bit of equality of the sexes, as well!).

[Dr. Nic]

Here's something my girlfriend told me. It confused me and I was totally surprised, but this is the way I understood it:

Let's say we have Sarah Synthia Robbins and William Joe Smith getting married.
Apparently sometimes the woman will change her middle name to her Maiden name, and her last name will be her husband's:
Sara Robbins Smith
or shorten the middle name ot just the inital of her Maiden name:
Sara R Smith.

This was my understanding of it. Now maybe I'm still horribly confused... anyone else heard of this? I dunno. But it's something to consider, since you said you didn't want to do the hyphenation thing.

[NovemberGal]

Originally Posted by Dr. Nic

Here's something my girlfriend told me. It confused me and I was totally surprised, but this is the way I understood it:

Let's say we have Sarah Synthia Robbins and William Joe Smith getting married.
Apparently sometimes the woman will change her middle name to her Maiden name, and her last name will be her husband's:
Sara Robbins Smith
or shorten the middle name ot just the inital of her Maiden name:
Sara R Smith.

This was my understanding of it. Now maybe I'm still horribly confused... anyone else heard of this? I dunno. But it's something to consider, since you said you didn't want to do the hyphenation thing.

This is actually extremely common, if not the most common, at least where I am. In fact about 95% of the married women I know (including myself) did this. A few other I know use both maiden and married together as their last name but not hyphenated ("Robbins Smith, Sarah" vs. "Robbins-Smith, Sarah"--but the Robbins is part of the last name, not the middle name). More confusing that way.

But even if you make your maiden name your legal middle name, it can still be a tough decision. It isn't used much. I had to really think hard before giving up my maiden name. I use all three for my byline at work, but otherwise it just isn't used much.

[feb-bride]

I've heard of that. However, if I'd done that, it would have really hurt my mom's feelings because my middle name is in honor to her favorite uncle (who died right before I was born). Besides, your middle name is seldom used, so I don't really see the point in doing that.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

This is actually extremely common, if not the most common, at least where I am. In fact about 95% of the married women I know (including myself) did this.

I had never even heard of anyone doing this until I started posting to wedding boards. I don't know too many people that hyphenate either (unless it's a work byline). They either keep their maiden name or take his on. Perhaps it's a regional thing?

[NovemberGal]

That's funny, because growing up I literally did not realize that's not what automatically happened when you got married--your maiden name became your middle and your married name your last. I didn't know anyone who did it any other way. That does make me wonder if it's regional.

Feb, it was a tough decision for me also because like you, my middle name was after a relative--my dad's mother, who passed away shortly after our wedding and before I'd gotten around to changing my name. But my middle name was never a strong part of my identity, whereas my maiden name was (and is)...so I kept the maiden name and dropped the middle. I don't think it bothered my dad--every female relative and most of his friends did the same thing, so I don't think it occurred to him that I'd do something different. I thought about it a lot, though.

[sparklesweetie]

I hadn't heard of it either until a friend of mine who married shortly before me did it. It makes sense though, to be able to use both names, which was her purpose.

[SerendipityCrafts]

K silly question for those of you who dropped your middle name ..... if you had wanted to, could you have just added your husband's name to the end? ie Sarah Louise Connor Smith? Your maiden name becoming not part of a hyphenated name but, just a third name/second middle name? LOL

I have never used my middle name when I sign anything but I wouldn't want to drop it either. I dunno, it's my name ... my parents gave it to me. Like most around here, we are embarrassed by our middle names ... but if I had 4 names, I would probably sign stuff ex - Sarah Connor Smith or Sarah Smith

[NovemberGal]

Yep, you can choose to just add your husband's name without dropping anything, and have four names (two middle names, generally, but there are those folks--I know all of TWO of them--who double the last name without hyphenating). I thought about doing it, but four names seemed weird. I'd never have used the original middle name, so I just dropped it.

Although one of my credit card companies never did get it right, and instead of dropping my middle initial and adding the new last name, they just added DH's name. So I'm First MI. Maiden Last.

As far as I know, there are no legal restrictions in the US about how (or whether) a woman can add, drop, or combine the various names involved when she gets married.

So does this mean that most of you married ladies here, who took your husband's last name, dropped your maiden and kept your middle name?? That's so unusual here...

[wynelle]

I've always been called by my middle name (except when I was naughty, then it was firstname middlename. Or if I was really really naughty and they used all three)

When I married the first time, I went by Middle Name, Maiden Name Husband's Last Name. (I grew up in the South, it was traditional to use "Routinely Used Name, Maiden Name, NewLastName)

Anyway, I happened to be on active duty in the military, and they informed me I could not do that. I was to be First Name, Maiden Name, NewLastName. So I said to hell with you---and I've used all four names since. Including when married to second and third husbands. I couldn't bear having my initials on my c ar vanithy plate being PMS It's enough that I know I'm a beotch, but I don't have to announce it to the unsuspecting.

[justnmary]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

Yep, you can choose to just add your husband's name without dropping anything, and have four names (two middle names, generally, but there are those folks--I know all of TWO of them--who double the last name without hyphenating). I thought about doing it, but four names seemed weird. I'd never have used the original middle name, so I just dropped it.

Although one of my credit card companies never did get it right, and instead of dropping my middle initial and adding the new last name, they just added DH's name. So I'm First MI. Maiden Last.

As far as I know, there are no legal restrictions in the US about how (or whether) a woman can add, drop, or combine the various names involved when she gets married.

So does this mean that most of you married ladies here, who took your husband's last name, dropped your maiden and kept your middle name?? That's so unusual here...

Like I said, I never heard of a guy taking his wifes name. Where we are it's custom to drop the maiden name and take the hubbys name while keeping your middle name. There are some that hyphenate but I only know one person that did it. Other then that, all this other stuff is greek to me!

[ladedah]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

So does this mean that most of you married ladies here, who took your husband's last name, dropped your maiden and kept your middle name?? That's so unusual here...

I kept my middle name....dropped my maiden name entirely....honestly until I came here I didn't know anyone who didn't do that.....

[Jaydea]

We've decided to hyphenate. We decided to make our own branch, it will make our last name extremly long but but it will be different

If it were me I'd go with the scottish sounding name. In this day in age I think it is fine for a Man to take his wifes surname. It is a hard disission to make, that is how we decided on hyphenating as we didn't really want to give up are respective surnames. At the end of the day, it is truely up to you and I would go with whatever you felt comfortable with.

[Complicated Woman]

I prefer McKechnie, as far as names go. I don't have any personal problem with a man taking a womans name, but I do feel there is a significant social stigma attached. Be prepared to explain it to all your buddies, relatives and co-workers as well as any officials you need to contact to change your name. Let us know what you decide!

As far as what we did, I dropped my maiden name and took my husbands. I love my middle name and would feel weird getting rid of it...

[jasonjuicer]

I'd go with Sly.