a minor rant.... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

clairon13 · #1 01-25-2006, 04:21 AM

not-so-hidden-agenda: what i'm really wanting from y'all is permission to say something to the people involved in the following scenario.
reality check: i do realize i had a truly beautiful wedding, and at the end of the day it probably isn't worth it.
forging ahead anyway (ie rant): ok, one of my best friends from college is married (she was first) and just had a baby in november. they came down to her in-laws for christmas, and i got to see her then, and i asked if she'd be able to make it (again) just a month later for our wedding. she said they were planning on it. ok, the day before the wedding, her husband calls my roommate (not me!!) to aske when the rehearsal and dinner was (hello, i didn't even know if they were coming in to the wedding or not!). that kind of alarmed me, b/cs i hadn't planned on feeding two more people, but then when our RD plans changed it didn't matter anyway, and then they didn't even come. ok, phew, right? well, then, the seating situation at the brodnax, our ceremony/reception venue, was, well, limited. i had to be on the ball about rsvp's, esp since we sent out invites a little later than we ought to have. i got confirmation from all my friends/family, and rickey had to hedge/guess a bit for his family, but we had a good, rough estimate. when the brodnax told us we coulnd't have rows of seating to be converted into tables/chairs later, i kinda freaked out, but then realized it would be intimate, and well, it would be different. but the new arrangement basically gave us ten seats less, which was ok as long as our estimate was right on the money! ok, one of the weird things i noticed at the wedding as i was walking down the aisle was that my friend from college and her husband were there--w/ his parents!! i mean, they totally weren't invited. the thing i noticed was that another really close couple to me had to stand thru the entire ceremony b/cs there wasn't enough seating. i let it pass the day-of b/cs there was too much going on, and it really, really was a wonderful day, but yesterday rickey and i were talking about it, and got really bugged. what i'm imagining y'all to say is to get over it, and i pretty much am/have, but i wouldn't mind asking my friend why her in-laws came or why they thought it was appropriate to come??? is this totally weird to anyone else???? i am NOT close to these people--i know them by sight!!!
ok, taking a deep breath... i guessi just needed to let it out, in all honesty, i probably won't say anything b/cs it's not worth stirring anything up, but it bugs me. (rickey told me later that they ate a ton of food..... go figure.

)

555Ann555 · #2 01-25-2006, 05:19 AM

It would certainly have annoyed me to Misty, who would do that???

Just bring along extra guests to a wedding they haven't even rsvp'd for?!

But... Though I know it'll still piss you off I think you might be better off not bringing it up with them now.

I would be tempted to just ask her straight out 'what were your in-laws doing at my wedding?' But I can't really see what benefit that would have on your friendship other than clearing the air.

I don't know Misty, I think what she did is most certainly wrong but it's hard to tell what the result would be if you did pull her up about this...

ljeagle · #3 01-25-2006, 07:47 AM

I know it wasn't right for them to do that but I think bringing it up now would just cause trouble...

Jacqueline · #4 01-25-2006, 11:24 AM

i would have got the hump to

but as you said you had a good day

as i cant hold my tounge that well i would probly say something but davev would not

Heather · #5 01-25-2006, 01:03 PM

I don't know. This is a tough one. I would maybe say something like:

"So what made your in-laws decide to come?"

If you really want to know what they were thinking, ask in a light tone. I'm not sure I could stop myself from at least asking...

Cirig · #6 01-25-2006, 01:14 PM

I would say something like Heather suggested. Or "I didn't realize that your in-laws would have wanted to come, or I would have sent them an invitation"

OR- just don't say anything. She was wrong to bring them- but at the same time, it's only going to cause a fight if you bring it up.

cru5h · #7 01-25-2006, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I don't know. This is a tough one. I would maybe say something like:

"So what made your in-laws decide to come?"

If you really want to know what they were thinking, ask in a light tone. I'm not sure I could stop myself from at least asking...

Same here. Why are people so socially retarded? I don't understand it.

Complicated Woman · #8 01-25-2006, 01:58 PM

Probably the best thing to do is just let it go. Do you really have to see these people and deal with them regularly? If not, write the situation (and them) off and move on.

But I'd honestly do what Heather said and ask anyway, in a light, non-accusatory way. I would just have to, it would drive me insane, even though I do think it would be pointless. What makes people think stuff like that is a good idea???

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #9 01-25-2006, 01:58 PM

Wow! That's some nerve! Hmmm... How do you set boundaries when they were already broken and there wasn't anything you could have done at the time? I don't think ignoring it is the answer, because this is something that is ALWAYS going to bother you when you see her or talk to her. It's not healthy for you or your friendship to keep it "simmering" for your entire relationship. I think eventually it would come out in a big outburst--years later, even, and then what would that solve? IF you tried to address it with a "light tone," would you be successful? I know when you're aggravated, it's REALLY hard to maintain a "jovial" discussion about it. You can START that way, but I think it would likely end up in a big emotional entanglement where you both get upset. I think the most direct way expressing your feelings about it so it's not an accusation is always the best way to handle it. "So, ___ , I'm REALLY glad you and [hubby] made it to the wedding. Since the venue was so small, we had a really difficult time narrowing down the guest list and finding room for people. I don't want this to simmer and affect our friendship, so I'd like to address [hubby's] parents coming. I feel pretty angry about them showing up uninvited. Close friends of mine didn't have a place to sit. And some of our friends and relatives had to be cut from the guest list because of the small venue." She'll probably make all kinds of excuses, but at least you addressed it, she knows how you feel, and you did it in a direct way.

Cirig · #10 01-25-2006, 04:05 PM

Good Point MTGH!

PlanetClaire · #11 01-25-2006, 09:16 PM

I so wish I were able to communicate calmly and clearly like MTGH suggests! But for me that sort of positive communication requires a particpant engaging in the same sort of technique. As soon as they came out with a "Well I didn't realize it would be such a problem in any kind of "tone" that I didn't like, I'd lose it!!