Sooo...ummm...change of plans - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

alongroadahead08 · #1 03-27-2008, 11:43 PM

Well it's been a while, and lots of interesting things have happened. As most people know I've had problems with my MIL since FI and I have been engaged. It's mostly gone unnoticed, because we wanted to forget and move on. Well something happend a little over a week ago, that really got FI steaming. I looked at him kiddingly and said "you know mom and dad's offer to elope to Cabo San Lucas is still open!!" I was honest to god kidding, because he's expressed how he wants his family involved. Well, his mom has pushed him over the edge sooo much, that he actually said he would consider it now. I was kinda baffled and figured he'd just get over it. Welllll, I came home last night and FI said, well I made a decision. I said "oh and what's that" he said we're going to Cabo. I was like

seriousy I never expected him to change his mind. So as it stands right now we are going to still get married on October 4 by the JOP with only a ceremony including parent's siblings, and grandparents and then leave on Monday for a 6 night stay in Cabo. Catch being my parents will be there..but they are paying...so I could care less. LOL. Anyway...just thought i'd keep you updated. Looks like things are going to change drastically here soon. NOt looking forward to the conversation with his mom, that will be one interesting conversation, but we're tired of trying to please a woman that doesn't care about her son and what he wants.

Anyhow...keep us in your thoughts when we tell her what's going to happen. I"ll keep you posted. Hope everyone is well.

sparklesweetie · #2 03-28-2008, 12:12 AM

Wait, I'm confused. You're getting married here then going to Cabo on your honeymoon? And your parents being where?

Sh@ks18 · #3 03-28-2008, 12:28 AM

I think her parents will be in Cabo (as a coincidence) while theyre there on their honeymoon/wedding, right? Thats what i understood.

Good luck and keep us posted! I thought you were gonna say the wedding was off, phew! I'm glad he's standing up to his mom and not letting her run the show.

ringem1 · #4 03-28-2008, 02:51 AM

Wow sounds awesome!! keep us posted!

Kim&Bob2004 · #5 03-28-2008, 05:31 AM

So you are eloping and telling his folks before hand?

I'd say wait until afterwards, but that would be mean!

sparklesweetie · #6 03-28-2008, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongroadahead08

So as it stands right now we are going to still get married on October 4 by the JOP with only a ceremony including parent's siblings, and grandparents and then leave on Monday for a 6 night stay in Cabo.

This sounds like they are getting married at home then going to Cabo for the honeymoon - it's what confused me.

Julz518 · #7 03-28-2008, 02:11 PM

Congratulations! I think this is a HUGE step in your's & FH's relationship - he's finally standing up to his mom!

As I understand it, the "big change" is that they are just going to have a ceremony with the JOP, and not the whole weddign blow out... That way his parents can still come, but there won't be any "details" to bicker about. All they need to know is the date, time, and place. No food, no decorations, no guest list - so hypothetically there is no longer anything for FMIL to control!! I think it's a wonderful plan!

And since they aren't "investing" in the wedding, her parents are paying for the 4 of them to go to Cabo - call it a honeymoon if you want... but I would call it the "reception"!

alongroadahead08 · #8 03-28-2008, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

Congratulations! I think this is a HUGE step in your's & FH's relationship - he's finally standing up to his mom!

As I understand it, the "big change" is that they are just going to have a ceremony with the JOP, and not the whole weddign blow out... That way his parents can still come, but there won't be any "details" to bicker about. All they need to know is the date, time, and place. No food, no decorations, no guest list - so hypothetically there is no longer anything for FMIL to control!! I think it's a wonderful plan!

And since they aren't "investing" in the wedding, her parents are paying for the 4 of them to go to Cabo - call it a honeymoon if you want... but I would call it the "reception"!

Dead on girl...dead on!!!!!!!!

Since my parents no longer have to pay for the wedding as planned they are paying for us and themselves to go to Cabo. The main reasons we don't have a problem with them being there is 1) we all get along wonderfully, 2) I'm with Julz and don't consider it a "honeymoon" as much as a celebration (reception if you will) of the marriage. And 3) we're getting seperate rooms, and will be able to do seperate things, as not to be nose to nose with my parents the whole time. I'm sooo excited that we no longer have to walk on eggshells at our OWN wedding to appease this woman any longer. She'll know date time and place, and if she chooses to come that's wonderful. I fully intend on giving each bridesmaid back the money for their dress, and my parents the 200 they gave us to start buying stuff. That's the only money we had down on anything so we are getting off scott free. No one will be out anything, and we'll finally be getting the wedding we wanted in the first place and finally have control over it.

This is so heartbreaking to me for FI though. He's so hurt by his mom it infuriates me. Doing this is going to be like throwing fuel on the fire, but our backup plan when we tell her if she whines (as she will) that you can take this option or not see us at all (we were thinking of actually getting married in Key West as well.) The reason we aren't marrying in Cabo is because it's too much of a headache to get a license down there.

So anyway, basically it boils to a JOP where we live, and 2 days later enjoying a 6 day stay at a fabulous condo in Cabo San Lucas. I'm FINALLY excited about my wedding...I was beginning to dread the whole day. Minus marrying the best man i've ever met!

Sh@ks18 · #9 03-28-2008, 04:05 PM

Make sure you tell MIL a day or a few days before so she wont find a way to spoil this too.

todaysdestinationwedding · #10 03-28-2008, 04:07 PM

Congratulations on your new wedding plans and honeymoon escape. I am behind you 100% on this decision.

Your FMIL is gonna find out early she can't control anyone....too bad my 1st husband could never cut the apron strings...probably would have saved him a divorce he didn't want...

I am much happier with my 2nd husband and his mother is a dream.

TheaterDiva1 · #11 03-28-2008, 05:11 PM

Whoa... what did his mother do that made him change his mind?

alongroadahead08 · #12 03-28-2008, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheaterDiva1

Whoa... what did his mother do that made him change his mind?

Well it was a collection of things. As you probably remember it's been kinda bad since we've been engaged. I think he was able to shrug the instances off because it was just he and I and he's dealt with it his whole life.

Well between throwing a fit because of the plate we bought from Elizabeth on here (which it had nothing to do with your work, just the plate in general it's not "traditional" which is why we wanted it), to buying a coral pink dress that looked like tinkerbell blew up on it (after we advised her it was not flattering on her) to totally stomping on the idea of getting our dog (she went as far as to say she doesn't think i'll keep my house clean enough and she'll be sure to point that out) to the thing that pushed him over the edge....the rehersal dinner. She volunteered from day one to host the rehersal dinner. It's been set for at least a year that we would do it at his fathers barn and have a nice assortment of foods for after the rehersal chill out and then go and decorate the hall. Well as you might remember as well she and her ex (FFIL) have had an on and off again relationship for the last 4 years since their divorce. Well here recently they are supposidly "off" and she told us this about 2 weeks ago.
We hadn't heard from her for a while, and out of the blue my sister called me. She had run into FMIL and FMIL said she had a great idea. Her great idea was to have PIZZAS at the RECEPTION SITE for the rehersale dinner. That's it. I'm instantly infuriated because she's changing plans because she can't suck her divorce up for one minute to let her son have his day. I relay message to FI and he's instantly ticked. She is supposed to mention it to us over Easter weekend. Saturday we celebrated Easter and she brought it up. Steve stood up to her and told her that he didn't like the idea, and wanted to keep it at his dads. She said "of course you would, you don't have to do the cleaning of the house and barn, or plant flowers and make it look nice." Steve turns to her and says, "and we never told you we weren't helping" she got mad and said "we'll talk about it later." Well later never came because she didn't talk to us the rest of the night. She didn't say goodbye to either one of us, she didnt' tell her son about his GRANDFATHERS SURGERY he's supposed to be having, and has yet to update us on his condition, and she was supposed to meet FBIL at our hosue to pick him up, and she called and wanted to meet somewhere else as to avoid our house.
After all this I jokingly mentioned my mom and dad's offer again, and he said he'd consider it and to give him a couple of days. I never expected him to change his mind as he is so family oriented, but yesterday he came up to me and said, i'd like to have a small ceremony here like JOP so that my parents can still see me get married, but I do not want a reception, and I'd like to take your parents offer of Cabo. You want to talk about being blown away! The decision was totally his and he made it.
Not only did this woman give us greif, she's branched out to my sister who is MOH telling her what she should and shouldn't do, and to make sure FI's sister would be sure to be involved. I think that's the straw that broke the camel's back for Steve on top of everything else and he's decided to do it this way. And as nasty as it might sound, I can't say i'm not happy he decided for it to be this way.

feb-bride · #13 03-28-2008, 05:57 PM

I am glad that things are working out for you. Did anything specific happen to make your FI change his mind?

alongroadahead08 · #14 03-28-2008, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I am glad that things are working out for you. Did anything specific happen to make your FI change his mind?

See above...I think we posted at the same time. Teehee

justnmary · #15 03-28-2008, 06:26 PM

I agree with Kim, I wouldn't tell FMIL until after you came back from Cabo and when she asks why she couldn't get a hold of you, then tell her....can you say....."RUN BABY, RUN!"

Leslee&Jake · #16 03-29-2008, 02:09 PM

YAY!! I am glad you are getting to have what makes you happy!!!