What do you think? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Heather · #1 01-24-2006, 12:18 PM

I hate to post and run as Bebe would say, but would like to know what you guys think of this:

DEAR ABBY: My question concerns wedding etiquette. If my co-workers give me a wedding shower at work, am I obligated to invite them to my wedding? -- ANOTHER CONFUSED BRIDE IN MARTINSBURG, W.VA.

DEAR CONFUSED BRIDE: If someone hosts or attends a shower for you, in my opinion, good manners dictate that the person be invited to your wedding.

fallbride · #2 01-24-2006, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

If someone hosts or attends a shower for you, in my opinion, good manners dictate that the person be invited to your wedding.

I agree with that when you invite them to the shower that your BM host. I do not agree on the workplace thing. I feel that people in the workplace are happy for you and trying to do something nice for you with noting expected in return. We through one of co-workers a shower, and nobody was expecting to be invited to the wedding. We were just happy for her and wanted to do a little something for her.

Jacqueline · #3 01-24-2006, 01:31 PM

as i am not in the USA i can only give my opiaion which is that they are just trying to be nice

maybe you could have a post resction meal for both your and FH co-workers

just as a way of thanks for being there that is what my slef and dave are doing with out cubs and scout groups

cru5h · #4 01-24-2006, 01:48 PM

Oh that is TOUGH. I'm almost against inviting coworkers at all since, in my cases, I've not remained friends with any after I left. There's a good probability that I wouldn't in the future either. I think the work wedding shower is just that. It was a surprise. The host wasn't delegated part of the wedding party. It was really nice and deserves sincere thank-you cards and a reciprocal effort (only if you feel the same way about any of your coworkers who attend) if the shoe ends up on the other foot. Gonna go with, "no" to the invitation to the wedding.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #5 01-24-2006, 01:51 PM

Yeah, I say no, too.

Complicated Woman · #6 01-24-2006, 01:51 PM

I think it would probably, for me, depend on the amount of people at the work shower and the extent to which they go to make the shower nice. If they're dropping a lot of money on gifts and supplies and it probably cost them more/as much to put on the shower as it would for me to pay for their meal -- I'd probably try to figure things out and invite them, because that would indicate to me that they might think they're coming.

However, if it was just a little thing to do something nice, maybe a small cake and a card, I would assume that it was just a sweet gesture and I would be grateful.

Cirig · #7 01-24-2006, 08:05 PM

I say your not obligated, although it would be a nice gesture.

sparklesweetie · #8 01-24-2006, 09:59 PM

Fortunately, the girls at work are pretty predictable, and I'm pretty sure they'll have one for me there. (I'm not assuming, and will not be hurt if they do not.) I asked my mom about this last night, actually, b/c she and I were talking about shower stuff. (Hehe, I cheated.

I copied a bunch of theme ideas and games from here and sent them to her.) Anyway, I asked if she wanted to include my work people or keep it family and friends. She didn't care, but after I thought about it, most wouldn't make the extra trip to come, so that was that. I am inviting them to the reception, but again, I only know of maybe two or three that will show up.
I guess the point of my long ramble is that I wouldn't invite work people if they threw a surprise shower if I didn't have the room/money/etc. for them.

Solar_Flare · #9 01-25-2006, 12:09 AM

If my co-workers threw me a shower at work, I wouldn't invite them to the wedding. To me, doing a little party at work is like basically throwing a person a mini-wedding party so they can show the bride (and/or groom) that they are happy for her and hope that her wedding goes perfectly. I wouldn't feel like I should be invited just cause I was at a workplace-party. That's like buying someone a christmas gift just so you can get one from them. It's the thought that counts.

TheaterDiva1 · #10 01-25-2006, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

DEAR CONFUSED BRIDE: If someone hosts or attends a shower for you, in my opinion, good manners dictate that the person be invited to your wedding.

Well, my shower was three days before my wedding. If someone had shown up who wasn't invited to the wedding, and I invite them at that point, wouldn't it be obvious it's not a real invitation - that I'm only following protocal? A last-minute invitation screams "I didn't really want you there, but now I have to invite you."

Besides, I thought workplace showers were the exception to that rule - especially if it's normal for the company to have a shower every time someone get married.

cru5h · #11 01-25-2006, 03:14 PM

See, they asked Abby, not Ms. Manners. She'd know better

PlanetClaire · #12 01-25-2006, 09:43 PM

Isn't Abby dead? Or is it Ann? LOL

I say, not obligated to invite. There are so many established friendships at my work that most of the people were invited already anyway. I work with a lot of Italian/Greek/Portugese folks and here in Toronto they have HUGE, and I mean HUGE weddings! They invite everyone but you are "expected' to pay for your plate/meal at the reception. I didn't know that the first time and was rather embarrassed as the groom, with whom I worked, shunned me afterwards and I didn't know why!!

feb-bride · #13 01-26-2006, 06:42 AM

Co-worker showers are the exception to the "must-invite-to-the-wedding" rule. "Dear Abby" (who is actually Abby's daughter) is wrong on this one. She needs to be flogged with a wet noodle.

deputysgurl · #14 01-26-2006, 01:08 PM

Since I am having a shower at work, and I am pretty close to the girls at work, they are only invited to the reception. Since I can only have 100 at the chruch. But if I wasn't close I would say no, do not invite.

Heather · #15 01-26-2006, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

She needs to be flogged with a wet noodle.

LOL!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #16 01-26-2006, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

Co-worker showers are the exception to the "must-invite-to-the-wedding" rule. "Dear Abby" (who is actually Abby's daughter) is wrong on this one. She needs to be flogged with a wet noodle.

Oh, my god!!

I'm in hysterics!!

Ah! {Gasping to catch breath} Man, you brought it back old school Abby with that line of hers!!

I need to give you a standing ovation for pulling that one out, Feb!

feb-bride · #17 01-27-2006, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

Oh, my god!!

I'm in hysterics!!

Ah! {Gasping to catch breath} Man, you brought it back old school Abby with that line of hers!!

I need to give you a standing ovation for pulling that one out, Feb!

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on the "real Dear Abby" line.

I think Dear Abby's daughter isn't nearly as good at the column as her mother was. They need to stop calling it "Dear Abby" and call it "Dear Daughter-of-Abby-Who-Doesn't-Give-As-Good-Advice-As-Abby" or "Dear Abby Wannabe."

deputysgurl · #18 01-27-2006, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on the "real Dear Abby" line.

I think Dear Abby's daughter isn't nearly as good at the column as her mother was. They need to stop calling it "Dear Abby" and call it "Dear Daughter-of-Abby-Who-Doesn't-Give-As-Good-Advice-As-Abby" or "Dear Abby Wannabe."

That is great. I like the "Dear Abby Wannabe" it suits her better.