Pre-marital questions? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

JessLynn · #1 01-31-2008, 10:04 PM

I have a question for you guys.

When you went for pre-marital counseling (pre-cana) what kinds of questions did the officiant ask you? Josh asked me this earlier and I wasn't quite sure what to say. It's not like we are trying to prepare or anything, I just kinda wannt know how far this guy is going to delve into our personal lives. Is that weird?

If it helps, he is a Reverend from a United Church of Christ.

Julz518 · #2 01-31-2008, 10:11 PM

We're getting married by a UCC minister, and she's been pretty laid back about everything. But, since she lives out of state, we've been doing our counseling with a local Methodist minister. Let me preface this by saying I'm sure every minister is different. But this is my experience:

Every week she asks if there is anything we want to talk about. If we've been particularly stressed out or something has been bugging one of us we'll talk about that. (For example: Rick went through a period this summer where we seemed to constanlty be putting me down, so we talked about that). She usually asks how the wedding planning is going, and tries to keep me on track. We talk about our plans for the future - finances, careers, kids, where we want to live, when we want to retire... all those things that you are SUPPOSED to talk about before you are married. At the first meeting we talked about how we met and the families we come from and all that jazz.

It seemed that after that first meeting the minister was ready to give her blessing... it kind of feels like the rest of the meetings are to make sure we stay focused on our relationship through the hectic wedding planning process... as well as help us with the ceremony and details like that.

Marksbride · #3 02-01-2008, 05:39 PM

We talked about our future plans. How we felt about children, our living situation, our family backround, finances, etc.
How to work through difficult situations.
I was really nervous at first, but it was a great experience!

Good Luck!

ladedah · #4 02-01-2008, 05:56 PM

we also spent our first meeting just talking about us..our backgrounds, how we met, etc...

Then as the meetings went on we talked about pretty much what julz said, finances, having children, careers, etc...then we talked about communication styles and how we argue....skills to help us understand each other...then the last few meetings were about the ceremony, etc...

Andy was totally dreading it...but said afterwards he was glad we did it.

JessLynn · #5 02-01-2008, 06:04 PM

I'm actually kinda worried about it becuase Josh is just so freakin quiet around people that he doesn't know that well. He's ten-times as quiet when you are trying to get him to talk about himself...

NovemberGal · #6 02-01-2008, 06:14 PM

Don't worry. DH is very private too, but he actually ended up enjoying and appreciating the time to focus on our relationship. And it got a lot of good conversations going at HOME, with just the two of us. Keep in mind that ministers are trained to be good listeners and to help people talk about things, without being obnoxious or overly prying. They aren't going to grill you or force you to tell things you don't want to tell. They may try to draw you/FH out, but they aren't there to make you uncomfortable. They also aren't there to judge you. They aren't going to refuse to marry you or anything just because FH doesn't like to talk about himself.

ohiobride · #7 02-01-2008, 07:59 PM

I think as a denomination, the UCC is fairly liberal and open-minded, so I wouldn't be too worried.
Our counseling was very laid-back -- more like the new minister at my church getting to know both of us, but also we talked about a Christian marriage, goals both personally and as a couple, and he basically just let us know that he's always there if one or both of us want/need to talk. My aunt is also a pastor and was the primary minister at our service, but my local pastor had a reading and was there to assist. I was very glad we availed ourselves of his offer for counseling.

KaileK · #8 02-25-2008, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

Don't worry. DH is very private too, but he actually ended up enjoying and appreciating the time to focus on our relationship. And it got a lot of good conversations going at HOME, with just the two of us. Keep in mind that ministers are trained to be good listeners and to help people talk about things, without being obnoxious or overly prying. They aren't going to grill you or force you to tell things you don't want to tell. They may try to draw you/FH out, but they aren't there to make you uncomfortable. They also aren't there to judge you. They aren't going to refuse to marry you or anything just because FH doesn't like to talk about himself.

I agree. We took this test and then discussed the answers, it was really neat and even though sex was brought up, we didnt feel uncomfortable

It gave us a lot of insight to each other!!!!