Who pays.............????? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

ringem1 · #1 01-28-2008, 01:37 AM

Ok so to get some more opinions and to help clear up some of mine and my moms headaches I am asking for some clarification......ok so we are going to Hawaii to get married and my best friend(my MOH) is going and we are confused as to who pays for what. I mean her flight should be paid for I know since we invited her but what about food and everything else?? I guess I should explain that my fiance and I are renting a big house for everyone to stay so she wouldnt have to pay for that but what about flight and food??

AngelRoseFyre · #2 01-28-2008, 03:17 AM

I think you should probably pay for the flight and any big meals (like reharsal dinner and such), But I think she should be able to fend for herself for the rest (unless she is really struggling financially right now, then maybe pick up some cheap groceries for her to keep at the house)

sparklesweetie · #3 01-28-2008, 03:53 AM

Hrm - I guess I see it differently. I think that if you can afford to pay for it, then it's great and very generous of you. Otherwise I don't think it's expected that the bride and groom pay everyone's way. I mean, if you were having a conventional wedding at home you don't pay for your guests travel costs, right?

Just my thoughts though.

Kim&Bob2004 · #4 01-28-2008, 06:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparklesweetie

Hrm - I guess I see it differently. I think that if you can afford to pay for it, then it's great and very generous of you. Otherwise I don't think it's expected that the bride and groom pay everyone's way. I mean, if you were having a conventional wedding at home you don't pay for your guests travel costs, right?

Just my thoughts though.

My thoughts also, that to pay for the flight was very generous of you, and not expected. I did pay for a few of my guests travel, like my Aunt and her boys and a cousin and his family, but I wanted them there and it was the only way they could all afford to come...

Julz518 · #5 01-28-2008, 01:48 PM

I agree as well. It is very generous of you to pay for their flight, and make the housing arrangements... but I don't think it was "required" So I think the bridal party can fend for themselves for a few meals. You should pay for the rehersal dinner, of course.

However, compared with the cost of the flights and housing, stocking the fridge (particularly with breakfast food, since it's hard to "get out" for breakfast) really is a VERY minor expense, and I'm sure your guests would appreciate it.

Brandonsgirl · #6 01-28-2008, 02:52 PM

I agree with the posts right above...you're being VERY generous...but your bridal party agreed to be there so I think they should have some costs for the wedding...it shouldnt all be up to you!

Maybe a few things here and there...but I wouldn't pay for everything!

tripsdown · #7 01-28-2008, 03:57 PM

Actually with any kind of destination wedding, even if you invite people that does not mean that you have to pay for all or anything. There is no one set rule to follow. At our company we have seen some people pay for maybe three nights at the resort, or a set $200 per person or nothing at all. Another situation is that some see what it would have cost back home then the parents give some money towards family members traveling. But it is very rare that someone pays for all.

Basically when someone asks me this question I tell them that you don't have to do anything, but do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to pay for the whole thing, then go for it. If you want to pay for the airfare, then go for it. I would not pay for the meals except for the main group dining because that is a very personal nature that you don't want to go over and offend. Maybe the two of you can take her out for a breakfast, lunch or dinner outside of the group.

I know there is no magically answer just go with what you feel comfortable with. This is your wedding not anyone else.

Best Wishes on your special day!

Lindsay

ringem1 · #8 01-28-2008, 05:27 PM

Wow..thank you everyone!! You have all been helpful. See I feel that my fiance and I have been financially burdened because my mom thinks that we should pay for everything because we invited them. I told her that they didnt turn us down when we told them it would be a little more costly than a traditional chruch wedding. The whole reason my fiance and I choose Hawaii (not just because his aunt does weddings on the beach for a living) but because we were running into too many headaches with family and friends over the chruch wedding.

Brandonsgirl · #9 01-28-2008, 06:19 PM

Well it's your big day...and I'm glad that you're going with what is easiest for you...so don't put the EXTRA burden on yourself with these "who should pay..." questions...the people that mean the most to you will be able to make it...and maybe if someone can't afford to go and you really want them to go...you should help them out...

Julz518 · #10 01-28-2008, 06:42 PM

Yeah, don't stress over it!

If you haven't already committed to paying for all the bridal party's travel, then don't. Instead, talk to them each indivudally and say "this is how much it is going to cost to travel to Hawaii. Can you swing that?" If they say yes, then great! If they say no, then offer to help them out. If they are all true friends then hopefully no one will get bent out of shape over you helping one person, but not another. I know my girls would be ok with it!

As for your guests: they are all on their own!
If there are a significant number of people who can't make it, then maybe you can have a cookout or something to celebrate with them when you get back... a less informal bash with none of the "church wedding" hassle, but yet still a chance to celebrate with those friends.

Heather · #11 01-28-2008, 11:58 PM

Yeah, I was going to ask if you invited them to be in the bridal BEFORE you told them it was going to be in Hawaii. It's expensive to fly there, even from Chicago... You said you told them it will be "a little more costly than a traditional chruch wedding" which is kind of stretching it, lol. I think it's a lot more costly. I've never been there, so I'm just going off what my girlfriend said about her honeymoon.

If they are/were fully aware of the location and the expense involved and still said yes, then I don't think you're obligated to pay for their flight. However, it's a very nice gesture if you could contribute to it.

Guests are totally on their own if they choose to attend.

Good luck and let us know what you end up doing!

ETA: I just did a search out of curiosity and the cheapest flight I could find four months from now is $563 per person. I don't think that's too bad if someone is traveling alone.... But if they're going to book or you're going to book for them, do it soon. Prices will go up!