It's time for a book giveaway!

[Sharon Naylor]

My new book "The Bride's Diplomacy Guide" is out, and it's your guide to having those tough conversations with meddling moms, bitter bridesmaids and wacky vendors.

So share with me the diplomacy issue you're currently having, and I'll help you with advice and enter you into a drawing for a free, autogaphed copy of the book. To see it, visit www.sharonnaylor.net.

[SerendipityCrafts]

My wedding is over so I am playing for my nephew (who will be married this year)

The biggest diplomacy issue seems to be uninvited guests; specifically children. How can one address the invites so that it's obvious to the recipient, that their children are NOT invited. Addressing an invite to Mr. and Mrs. So&So, doesn't seem to do the trick.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and how should you handle it if some guests do show up with friends or children that were not included on the invite?

[lala]

How do I find a good balance between a conservative, close knit family (mine), a family that would rather not be around each other (his), and really loud, wild, fun loving friends (ours)? Without making anyone uncomfortable or feel repressed?

[JessLynn]

How do I tell his overly religious mother that not only is she not wearing white, ivory, or cream, but that we're not going to get married in a church because religion isn't as important to us as it is to her, and that we plan on serving alcohol at our reception even though she is very verbally against it?

Sounds like a lot, but over all she is a great woman and she doesn't give me a hard time, she just cries a lot

[Julz518]

My BMs are driving me nuts... but all for different reasons (not necessarily related to the wedding). How do I keep the peace... and my sanity?? I'm afraid by the time my wedding rolls around I'm going to resent them all b/c I've been catering to them for so long! But at the same time, I don't want to burn any bridges before then...

[Sharon Naylor]

Originally Posted by SerendipityCrafts

My wedding is over so I am playing for my nephew (who will be married this year)

The biggest diplomacy issue seems to be uninvited guests; specifically children. How can one address the invites so that it's obvious to the recipient, that their children are NOT invited. Addressing an invite to Mr. and Mrs. So&So, doesn't seem to do the trick.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and how should you handle it if some guests do show up with friends or children that were not included on the invite?

You're right...people are not getting the message that kids aren't included when you address invitations to Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So. So I suggest adding a separate insert card (you can print it out on your computer) with the message reading: "We wish we could invite all of the children to our wedding, but we don't have enough space. So we have arranged for licensed and pre-screened babysitters to be on-site (or at the hotel) for the wedding hours. The kids will enjoy pizza and snacks, and there will be crafts. Please let us know if you would like your children added to the Kids' VIP list. Thank you for your understanding!"

As far as guests who show up with dates they didn't let you know about, that's extremely rude, but you'll just have to let the site manager know what's happened and their staff takes it from there as far as setting another place at that table. And it's up to you how you want to handle talking to them after the wedding...some people are comfortable saying 'Hey, pay up!' and others prefer to let it go. And they might never invite that guest to another event again.

[Sharon Naylor]

Originally Posted by lala

How do I find a good balance between a conservative, close knit family (mine), a family that would rather not be around each other (his), and really loud, wild, fun loving friends (ours)? Without making anyone uncomfortable or feel repressed?

It's understandable that you want to create an atmosphere where everyone gets along, but you really can't cater to such disparate groups with such different personalities. So plan the wedding YOU want the way you want it, and perhaps create a table arrangement plan that puts a little distance between his side and your side, such as tables on either side of the dance floor, and your friends' tables in another section. You know which cranky relatives won't want to be seated next to the fun, loud table, so work some magic with your seating chart and let everyone create their own wonderful time at your wedding. People tend to clump into groups at weddings, and the focus is more on the food and the music than anything else.

[Sharon Naylor]

Originally Posted by JessLynn

How do I tell his overly religious mother that not only is she not wearing white, ivory, or cream, but that we're not going to get married in a church because religion isn't as important to us as it is to her, and that we plan on serving alcohol at our reception even though she is very verbally against it?

Sounds like a lot, but over all she is a great woman and she doesn't give me a hard time, she just cries a lot

Okay, this is going to take a gentle approach, because you're about to tell her things she doesn't want to hear. I suggest that you take her out to breakfast, or lunch or dinner, as a 'wedding planning meeting' and let her know how happy you both are to include her in the plans. "We do have our plans set as far as the ceremony site...it will be in a place that we love, and we're very happy about it. We know that religion is important to you, and we'd like your ideas on a scripture passage that we can include in the ceremony or print in the programs." Don't get into how religion isn't important to you...that's just going to upset her. If you treat her as an authority on the subject, she may be more inclined to accept your decision. If she fusses, just say, "We've talked about it a lot, and we agree on this decision. The wedding has to reflect us and our choices, so that's why we decided to marry at the site we chose. But we're honoring your beliefs with the reading or the passage, so we hope you'll agree to that." Compromise is key.

I'm getting married in April, and my FMIL is very religious. She wasn't happy about the no-church thing, but we agreed to get our rings blessed by a priest. That made her happy, and it might be a good idea for you to consider.

And just let her know that it's not appropriate for any guests to wear white or ivory to a wedding, according to etiquette. But you would love to find out which colors she loves in pastels. Some moms believe they have to match the bride's mom's dress, which isn't a rule. Moms appreciate getting to pick their own color. And be sure to specify any other colors that are not up for consideration, like the green of the bridesmaids' dresses, red or black.

[Sharon Naylor]

Originally Posted by Julz518

My BMs are driving me nuts... but all for different reasons (not necessarily related to the wedding). How do I keep the peace... and my sanity?? I'm afraid by the time my wedding rolls around I'm going to resent them all b/c I've been catering to them for so long! But at the same time, I don't want to burn any bridges before then...

It sounds like you need to plan a Girls' Night, where your bridesmaids join you for a stress-free pre-wedding event that gets you laughing together. It could be a night out dancing, or pizza and a movie at your place. Make it a rule that there will be no wedding talk allowed -- just say YOU need a break from it -- and you can re-connect with your friends. What would be most fun for you all to do? If budget is an issue, just plan a spa night at your place where everyone brings their favorite nail polish and beauty products, make it a pajama evening, play great music, serve healthy smoothies (which is way better than alcohol, which could get the drama queens complaining about their dating lives and so on), take photos...just make it a fun event.

And let them know that while you love them very much, you're getting really stressed about the wedding. So you need some Tenderness Time from your friends. They'll get the message that they should be catering to *you* right now.

[Sharon Naylor]

I'll pick the winner soon, so please send in your stories!

[Julz518]

Related to my last post:

One of my BMs is pregnant. I am TOTALLY fine with this as far as my wedding is concerned. However, I've recently "discovered" that she is kind of self-centered and unreliable. (back story: we were BFF's in HS, and she was always "the mother" to our group of friends, giving advice and whatnot... but now she's "mothering" to the point of meddling, and doesn't seem to have time for any of her friends who don't want her to meddle or arent' interested in gossiping - i.e. ME).

I have been trying to get together socially with her and her husband for a while now, and she always backs out at the last second. This last time, my FH even called off work to get together with them, and when I called her to finalize our plans, it turned out they were out of town! It wasn't an emergency - they were helping her BIL move... something you would think she knew about in advance. This is also the same BM that took 6 weeks to get back to me after I sent her the "will you be a BM" gift.

I'm starting to get a little worried that, even though she says she'll be fine for the wedding now, that she's going to back out at the last second. Between her pregnancy, their financial instability, and her BIL also getting married next June, it just seems like a real possibility.

Is there a tactful way to address this with her, or should I just mentally prepare myself for it? When she announced she was pregnant I already tried to give her a way out (it's an outdoor June wedding, and she'll be 7 months)...

[Clarity]

How to you regain control of your wedding plans when an overzelous grandmother who has completely over the top taste and a want to be crafty mom who has no real talent try to fix everything for you and when you don't agree or dislike something they say you are becoming a bridzilla? When truthfully you are biting your tongue way more than you usually would.

[Soon To Be]

Originally Posted by Sharon Naylor

You're right...people are not getting the message that kids aren't included when you address invitations to Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So. So I suggest adding a separate insert card (you can print it out on your computer) with the message reading: "We wish we could invite all of the children to our wedding, but we don't have enough space. So we have arranged for licensed and pre-screened babysitters to be on-site (or at the hotel) for the wedding hours. The kids will enjoy pizza and snacks, and there will be crafts. Please let us know if you would like your children added to the Kids' VIP list. Thank you for your understanding!"

That's a great idea, and I'm glad you addressed this. My mother, fiance and I had this conversation while going over the invite list. We're keeping the wedding under 100 people, and family is going to take up so much room. What would you do if the kids were older? Like a teenager? If you invited someone to a wedding, would they automatically assume that their teenagers are invited (if the couple is a family friend, but I have never met their kids)?

[Sharon Naylor]

Julz518! Julz, just send me a private message with your address, and I'll get the book right out to you!

Thank you everyone for participating, and check back often for my newest contests!