Would you do it all the same? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Clarity · #1 01-13-2008, 01:55 AM

To all my married friends, I know some of you got married in a big church wedding, some by the JP, some in the back yard, or some other ceremony. My questions is if you could do it again knowning what you know now would you do it the same or differently? ie big church wedding first time; big church wedding again or simple private ceremony or JP?

The reason I ask is I've never been married so I assumed I wanted a "wedding" Jeff only asked that we be married in a church by a preacher. Since we have an untraditional family/ joining two ready made families - we are a bit different. Tonight we were talking and he said as far as him he just wants to marry me, he doesn't even care if the kids are there because its about him and I no one else. (Don't worry he's all about the kids they love each other very much That's another story) Anywho, I got to wondering how bad I would really miss a big/semibig wedding if we had a very small private chruch wedding and took the money we would have spent on the other on building onto his house to make room for all of us. So I wondered what some of your experiences brought you. Those of you that eloped or went to the jp or super small wedding, did you really miss all the foo foo? Those of you that did the whole shabang, would you have rather have had a small affair? I'm just contemplating right now. As usual any advice is very helpful.

NovemberGal · #2 01-13-2008, 02:40 AM

Well, I think there is middle ground between "big church wedding, whole shebang" and "private ceremony." We had 150 guests, which seemed large to me until I started hearing all these people talking about 200-300 guests.

You can do "the shebang" with a church wedding and reception and still keep it small, so that you feel like you had a "real wedding and reception" but still keep costs reasonable. Like, what do you consider 50 guests? Or 75? That's on the smaller side for "big church wedding" but is definitely larger than the private JOP that my friend had, with 10 of us there and going out to Red Lobster for lunch after.

I would not have wanted to change one thing about our wedding. Truly, not one thing. It was perfect for us. More people would have been too many for the space, but I wouldn't have wanted to leave out anyone who came (we actually invited about 180, exact 145 attended; 180 would have fit but it would have been really tight).

SerendipityCrafts · #3 01-13-2008, 05:50 AM

I did the big deal the first time I married but honestly, I would have been married in track pants the second time round because, this time, it wasn't about the "show" or what others expected of us. We married for US and we did it as we wanted. The only reason we dressed up was because we our friends and family agreed to come

Our minister and friend married us. Our minister/married friends read for us. We had few guests and we did most everything ourselves. It was a good compromise between a shindig and private ceremony.

Clarity · #4 01-13-2008, 06:32 AM

See that's kind of what I'm thinking. We, especially me, aren't flashy-do=things-for=appearances kind of people. Heck I've lived in my house 3 years and still haven't hung pictures on the walls. My engagement ring is low profile (but beautiful to me) they way "I" wanted it. If it was up to him I could have knocked someone out with it. Even our dating isn't "spectacular' we both love sitting on the front porch grilling, or even just snuggled up to each other on the couch watching plain ol' everyday TV. But I wondered how everyone felt afterwards. My mother was married by the JOP and for years has dreamed of a wonderful showy wedding for her "ONLY" daughter. She & my dad renewed their vows on their 30th ann. and she went NUTS! My dad said he came home one time to her dying little doves for the decorations. He said it looked like the great white hunter met rainbow brite. lol I just wondered if anyone regretted it. I have always heard people who missed the prom missed out and had issues with it. I didn't go but I never really gave it to much thought. I always thought it was too much money and I'm not a frilly person anyway (back then people wore HUGE puffy tafatta YIKES) I do know I want to marry him, I want to be his wife and even though they say you should call your spouse your best friend, he is so it'll be great to spend every night with my head laying next to him and growing old with him. ok enough sappiness.

sparklesweetie · #5 01-13-2008, 03:36 PM

I picked the last one as we got married outside in a gazeebo.

We were opposite of you, neither of us really wanted to get married in a church. So that was our best bet.

I really don't think I'd do anything differently, other than choosing a different location that could have held everyone. I ended up with two guests list b/c the chapel could only hold 60 or something like that. So some people just got invited to the reception. It worked out ok, but there were people that didn't show up to the ceremony which would have allowed some of the others to attend. But oh well.

My advice is to go with your gut. If you think you want something semi-small, go for it. While a wedding is a very important day, putting the extra money in something like a house is an investment.

If that's what you choose to do, that is.

Heather · #6 01-13-2008, 04:07 PM

"She-bangs, she-bangs. Oh baby when she moves, she moves."

I wouldn't change anything that we did, at least as far as location, guest list, etc. For me it was small things - would have red roses instead of white - things like that.

Clarity · #7 01-13-2008, 07:21 PM

well we don't really want the typical "CHURCH" wedding & personally I would love to just get married at the creek. It's the one location that no matter what's going on in our lives we both can relax and just breathe. Even when we split up we would meet at the creek to just sit on a rock and talk. BUT he would prefer to be married before the eyes of God but not with the hoopla. To me I keep thinking of what I learned in Sunday School that you can have church with just to people gathered at tree.

Honestly, he's the one that has been raised in a steady church. I have always been more about the big Guy than the big building.

Right now what I would really like to do is have a very small private ceremony in a Church with a preacher, with just my Mom & Dad, his mom and his older brother (he's the only one I'm close to he's like my brother) and the kids. But he has a huge, huge family that would be upset (2 more full siblings that only really come around for major events or when they need him to fix something) and then I have my grandparents who make a specticle of themselves on a daily basis. I know I"m just over thinking this. But we've been working so much on finances lately that I guess I was trying to think on a more girly level

maroki13 · #8 01-13-2008, 10:13 PM

I wouldn't change anything about our ceremony or reception.

We had a ceremony (officiated by my uncle) at the chapel of the university where we both graduated. We only had about 100 people in attendance, so it wasn't a huge affair. But I loved everything about our day, from having the ceremony in a location that was special to us, to celebrating immediately after with the people who had been in attendance at our wedding. 100 people was just the perfect amount for us...we got to talk to everyone and didn't feel too rushed, didn't feel that our space was crowded, didn't feel like we spent the whole reception trying to make sure we talked to everyone...we were able to step back a couple times and look around and marvel in our newly married status.

We chose to get married in August because the weather is usually gorgeous here that time of year, and true to that we had an amazingly beautiful day, and it was important to us that both our ceremony and reception locations had outdoor areas where people could chat, take pictures, relax, enjoy the weather, etc...and we certainly took advantage of it!

Julz518 · #9 01-14-2008, 04:49 PM

Well, I'm not married yet, so I didn't vote...

But, I have a lot of married friends who have all kinds of different weddings.
I have never heard anyone have regrets about a larger wedding (except maybe that there were too many people to say hi to, or they spent too much $$).

However, I have friends who eloped (i.e. just them and a JOP, no friends or family present) and they wonder what it would have been like to have had a "real" wedding.

I think something in-between is the way to go. Only invite the people you think are MOST important... and don't get too extravagant.

todaysdestinationwedding · #10 01-15-2008, 03:26 AM

OK...I have had 2 weddings. My first was a 400 guest, home church, local hall reception/dinner/dance affair. When my 2nd husband proposed I did not want the big showcase wedding again. To be honest, it seemed I worked 24/7 the entire 5 months planning between the engagement and wedding, right up to walking down the aisle the first time around. After it was all over, there was so much that I did not even remember about it. It was a giant whirlwind. Would I do this again...NO!

For my 2nd wedding we wanted something small, unique, romantic and something we would always remember. We lived in two different states 12 hours apart and having a wedding in either of our hometowns would have grown into the huge wedding we did not want. His only request was that we be married in a church.
We chose a destination wedding in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee in a beautiful little church with a river running behind it and a breathtaking view of the mountains. We had 4 attendants and 42 guests....our wedding and luncheon reception was everything I could have hoped for...Would I do this again...Absolutely.