I feel Bridezillaish

[litlbit]

So this is one of those things that you think happens to everyone else, not to you.

I have to FSIL who I love to death. They're both bridesmaids in the wedding. I'm a little closer to one of them and we were hanging out at her house on Wednesday night after taking her kids trick-or-treating. So she and I start discussing the bridesmaid dresses that we're ordering this month and I mention that her sister hasn't given me a date that would be good for her to do it. So Beth (the one I'm talking to) sighs and says, "You can't say anything." I look at her like, "What? What are you talking about?" And Beth tells me that I can tell FI, but not anyone else in the family, so I agree and tell her to spill.

"Kristen (FSIL 2) will be eight months pregnant at your wedding."



I'm excited to have another niece or nephew (unless you count the fact that the father is the biggest possible loser on earth), but I feel bad because I'm upset she can't wear the same dress as everyone now. I haven't said anything to her because we're not supposed to know yet but... ahhhh... I just feel bad for thinking of my wedding over her baby.

So when she finally tells us, do I ask her if she still wants to be in it? I know some pregnant women step down. And she'll be eight months, so I don't want her to be uncomfortable either. Thing is, she has to say something soon because we're ordering dresses this month.

I just wanted to have a mini-vent. I told my mom and I think she's mad for me! But it's always nice to be able to hear from brides. Thanks for listening ladies!

[Heather]

This is always a tough situation for a bride. I wouldn't say anything at all, and no one should be mad or upset with her of course, lol. Just play it like you don't know, and hopefully when you order the dresses, she'll tell you. If she doesn't, then don't even worry about it. It'll be her job to make sure the dress you choose fits her properly when the time comes.

If she does tell you, you can ask her if she's still comfortable being in the wedding, but be prepared for her to stay.

[NovemberGal]

You need to let her announce this herself, I think.

I always feel that pregnancy should not be a reason to ask a bridesmaid to step down, in and of itself. It IS a reason to have a conversation with her and let her know that you'd still love to have her in the wedding, but want to make sure she is safe and comfortable--if that means stepping down, fine.

However, you have to still want her in the wedding. If you really don't want a pregnant bridesmaid, you need to tell her that once she's announced the pregnancy. I'm not suggesting this, because I don't agree with it, but there it is.

As for the dress--if she stays in the wedding, is the dress you've chosen alterable to be suitable for a heavily pregnant woman? If not, can you choose another pattern in the same color so she blends in as much as possible?

Is she paying for her dress, or are you? If she is, it is on her to deal with a dress that either needs to be drastically altered, won't be used because she needs to get a different one, or won't be used because she won't be in the wedding if she chooses to step down. If you ask her to step down, it would be best if you offered to pay her back for the dress if she paid. Dresses can be sold on the internet, taken to consignment bridal shops, or (VERY occasionally--check with your shop) returned if unaltered.

The pregnancy is very likely the reason she hasn't set a date. You are welcome to keep pressuring her about the dress (politely), and if she continues to put it off past the time you'd need to order, try to open a conversation by telling her your concerned she hasn't gotten her dress and asking if there is anything wrong that's making her reconsider her role in the wedding. Hopefully that would encourage her to talk. If she really keeps putting it off, with Beth's permission you might need to say that you were asking Beth if she knew why the other SIL was waiting, and Beth told you in confidence. Explain (if she still hasn't announced the pregnancy) that you won't tell anyone else, but that you need to know if she still wants to be in the wedding.

But you first have to decide if you want her in the wedding, which is a choice only you can really make.

[feb-bride]

I don't think pregnancy in and of itself is a good reason to ask someone to leave your wedding party. It should be up to the pregnant woman if she wants to stay in the party or step down. If she wasn't pregnant, would you even consider asking her to leave the party?

[litlbit]

I'm not considering asking her to leave. I didn't want to give that idea. I just feel guilty for not being happy about. Unfortunately the dress we picked will in no way fit a pregnant woman and there's not much available that would fit a pregnant woman in the right color. So she'll most likely have to have it made.

She's supposedly going to tell her mom this week. If she doesn't then yeah, I'm just going to ask her about going to try on the dresses and see if she tells me. If she doesn't I know her sister will pressure her to tell me before the dress gets ordered.

So yeah, didn't mean to come off as, "OMG I don't want her to do it!" More like, "I feel bad that I feel like my wedding is so important." I swear I'm not mean enough to actually tell her, "Uh, no pregnancies in my party."

[m_t_rose]

I agree I think if you kinda put the pressure on just a bit to order the dress she will tell you and then you can start to work it out. I hope everything works out for you and you BM's

[TheaterDiva1]

Have you ordered the dressed yet? Can you pick a different style dress at this point? If it's something she can "grow" into, you don't have to worry about her not wearing the same dress. My MOH was five months at our wedding, but we had ordered the dresses well before she got pregnant. They were two-piece dresses with A-line skirts, so altering for her was pretty easy.

[litlbit]

We were actually planning on going next week to order the dresses. What's funny is that originally I told the girls to pick whatever they wanted as long as they were all the same color, but they ended up loving the same one and asked me if I was fine with them all wearing the same one (of course I was, they all look gorgeous in the dress and I want them to be comfortable). So if she agrees to go get fitted this weekend it will have to come up. And they have to be ordered by the end of the month so we have to figure out what dress to do if she stays in it.

*sigh*

It was just another thing for me to kind of worry about this week on top of a million other things (school, work, money, ugh). So yeah, hope I didn't sound like an evil bride or something, I'm just stressing because we can't even do anything about looking at other dresses because technically I'm not supposed to know.

Thanks for listening all.

[when2worldscollide]

Originally Posted by litlbit

It was just another thing for me to kind of worry about this week on top of a million other things (school, work, money, ugh). So yeah, hope I didn't sound like an evil bride or something, I'm just stressing because we can't even do anything about looking at other dresses because technically I'm not supposed to know.
Thanks for listening all.

You don't sound like an evil bride, not even in the least. In my opinion, you have every right to feel bad about this whole thing. I would be too if something like this will come up and the party in question will not tell me the situation in right away when there is still time to fix whatever needs to be fixed e.g. dress style.

Your FSIL has agreed to be BM at your wedding, probably not foreseeing that she will get pregnant soon, but since she has not back out or anything, i guess she should be considerate enough to at least inform you of the situation... unless of course she is still very very young and still single.. in that case I will understand the hesitation and even fear on her part to announce the pregnancy... but still, i will not think of you as bridezilla for feeling the way that you do right now.

[litlbit]

Actually she is kind of scared to tell her mom, which is why she hasn't told anyone aside from her sis yet. Her boyfriend doesn't work, expects her to take care of him and the child they already have, and cheats on her all the time. It would be safe to say that FI wants to castrate this guy or worse right now... But that's all another story...

I figure we have until the end of the month. I need to order the dresses by then to make sure they get in and are correct. She'll have to say something by then so I'm gonna let it roll off my back until then. Thanks for all the support and views ladies.

[litlbit]

Well, a slight follow up. SIL (Kristen) still hasn't announced that she's pregnant. But tomorrow I'm going with her and Beth (other SIL) to get their dress sizes. So I'm texting Beth this morning asking when they want to go and is Kristen planning on telling me or what? Beth said that yes, she's going to tell me and she's going to talk to the people at the shop to find out how it can be altered to fit her pregnant body. As Beth said, "She's determined to be in it." That's fine, as long as she's sure she's up to standing for a half hour three weeks before her due date. So I have a question. Here's the dress...

http://davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_...id=6590&cfid=7

The satin is pretty heavy (read: not flowy). Do you think it can be altered and still salvage the overall look? I don't want her to spend a fortune on alterations only to have it turn out wrong or not fit her. Should I try to hel her find something more plain? I do want her to at least have the same strapless look as the other bridesmaids, even if it ends up being a different dress. I guess I can wait and see what they say at the shop about the alterations. Just wanted to see what you guys think I'll end up having to do. I have a swatch in case we end up having to have it made or something.

*sigh* Just an update. And I hope it works out. I really don't want her paying a fortune for alterations. That's probably the biggest thing that worries me. Thanks for listening to me (again). You girls are awesome.

[Julz518]

It appears that that dress is fitted through the waist... that will make it VERY difficult to alter to fit a pregnant body - she'd have to order a HUGE size and the alter everything EXCEPT the belly part... And no, I don't think you'll be able to salvage the overall look.

However, if you could find the same dress, but with an empire waist instead of a "long" waist, I think that would look fine.

[ladedah]

What is her build right now? I had a friend who was in a wedding and found out she was pregnant and would be over 7 months at the time of the wedding...but she is really tiny and petite....so the bridal shop had her order a very large dress and altered it to her....of course the dress was empire waisted with a more taffeta fabric....

it's possible to be done, but you may want to think about other options...


Would something like this work??

http://www.houseofbrides.com/product...cat=649&page=1

I also found this:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2060087_buy-...ridesmaid.html

[RJE080703]

What about something like this, same color, and you can always have it simply altered to remove the straps and make it fitted around the bust line to be strappless?



Just an idea. Yes its chiffon, not satin, but I think the satin will accent her belly more than free flowing chiffon would.

[litlbit]

Yeah I thought the dress might be too fitted. I guess we'll see what the people at the shop say tomorrow too.

She's normally an average build. She didn't gain much weight with her first, only belly. And she carried pretty low. Of course I know that changes with each pregnancy for some people so I guess we'll see...

Yeah, I'd be happy with anything strapless. I don't know if it would even be possible to do any kind of gathering like the other girls, but chiffon is more forgiving... thanks for the advice and opinions girls! I totally need it!

Last resort I may see if we can order the same color fabric (probably in chiffon) from DB. Does anyone know if they'll do this as a request? Of course then she'd have to find a seamstress... I'm stressing myself out here. One thing at a time. So dress shop tomorrow and go from there.

[Sharon Naylor]

Seamstresses are *very* experienced with taking bridesmaid dresses and fabric and altering for a pregnant bridesmaid...so don't stress too much

Just start looking now for a great seamstress -- your dress shop may have one on staff, or they might be able to recommend someone who works out of their home.

I agree that an Empire waist is the best choice for her...this way you don't have to worry about a fitted look, and Empire is IN right now even for non-pregnant bridesmaids.

I hope it all works out for you, and since I'm sure the bridesmaid is terrified to tell you about this, just hug her and let her know you'll find a great solution. What matters most is that she's going to be in the bridal party. She has a lot going on, so I really think the seamstress is going to be a great solution and will put you both at ease!

[litlbit]

Okay just got back from the dress outing with SILs and it went good. The gathering is actually higher than it looks on the model and the satin is drapier than I remember. I'm sure my altered memory of the dress was a result of panic.

I feel so much better now though. And Beth is down a size from the first time she tried it on! She's way excited and I'm excited for her! Kristen's boyfriend's aunt is a professional seamstress so we're going to show her the dress and be positively sure it can be altered. Ahhh, so glad that worked out. Thanks for all the support girls! What would I do without y'all!

[shanah_cheyenne]

Okay, I know that this thread is over a month old since the last post, but I'm new to the forum and was reading all about it... Anyway, I'm sure you got the dress thing figured out, but I justed wanted to throw in that one of my bridesmaids was preggers at my wedding and everybody LOVED it! In fact my mom hadn't met this friend/bridesmaid yet and at the rehearsal dinner I said, "Amber this is my mom, mom this is my Amber, and this (I got down by her belly and touched it) is my Amber's baby!" And before saying hi to Amber, my mom touched her belly and smiled so big and said, "Hi Amber's baby!" Also, one of the most favorite pics of the wedding is when I have my hand on Amber's tummy and I'm crouched down smiling at her tummy.... It will be so much fun to have her in your wedding! No one will care that she's pregnant and I'm sure she'll look great. I wish you well in the remainder of your planning and I hope you have the perfect wedding....