OK to ask fiance to help pay for ring? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

JackStraw · #1 10-27-2007, 08:53 PM

Hey everyone, new poster here.

Question - I went and picked out a ring, have it on layaway, and have been making payments, but now I've run into some financial snags. Is it completely improper to ask my fiance to loan me the $$$ to finish paying for it?

Any other ideas?

Thanks

Heather · #2 10-27-2007, 09:09 PM

Your ring or her ring?

If my husband had asked me to finish paying for my ring, I can't say I would have been very happy at all. However, if I had known he was going to propose (I didn't) and we sat down to figure out our finances, cost for the wedding (we paid), and it would have put us in a lot of debt, I would agree to help you.

But, and I hate to say this, I really do, find a way to pay for it on your own, or exchange it for a ring you can afford. You shouldn't go into debt for an engagement ring, you can always upgrade later.

Welcome to Pash!

JackStraw · #3 10-27-2007, 09:23 PM

Thanks

We're already engaged (ie, have announced a date, picked the place, etc) just don't have 'the rock' yet. And we're paying for the wedding ourselves.

I want to figure it out on my own, but need to know if I have a fallback plan.

Heather · #4 10-27-2007, 09:39 PM

I would be honest with her about it and let her know it's becoming an issue, and you don't want to get over your head. It's tough paying for everything yourself so maybe that's something she'll be okay with factoring into the overall wedding expense.

You'll probably have to add the wedding bands to that as well.

Good luck! I know it's tough, and I'm sure some other people will pop on to give you ideas too. It's always a little bit slower here on the weekends.

justnmary · #5 10-27-2007, 09:46 PM

I asked my hubby and he said, "Hell no, wait then. That's just starting off on the wrong foot."

Marge129 · #6 10-27-2007, 10:02 PM

I helped pay for my engagement ring. I knew money was tight, so I didn't have a problem with it.

I'd just talk to her about it. Be honest that it's becoming a problem to make the payments each month. You can come to an agreement together as to what move to make... whether it's getting a different ring, or her helping make the payments.

anna32182 · #7 10-28-2007, 12:12 AM

I say talk to her...but if i were in the same situation, i'd probably downsize.

If it's love, she won't mind.

if she balks...time to rethink

Kim&Bob2004 · #8 10-28-2007, 02:51 AM

I asked Bob and he said "F NO!"

That was my gut too. Downsize....... Look at a cheaper jewelry store, try a coin/silver/gold dealer and you might get something too. Bob also said maybe an antique store for a "vintage" e ring.... Some have had decent luck with the internet too..... My brother bought his wife a nice small diamond at walmart. It was a really nice set too. My e-ring was bought private party from a friend, who gave a good deal I guess. So there is an option too.

Keep us posted.....

Leslee&Jake · #9 10-28-2007, 05:45 AM

I helped Jake pay for mine. Well sort of. He had bought the diamond online but then when we took it to the jewelry store to get set we ended up making a custom setting that cost about $2000.00 so I made him let me help pay for that. It is the diamond that means forever in my mind. I don't see the harm in talking to her about it.

Emily · #10 10-28-2007, 02:45 PM

Am I the only one who paid half for my ring!?!?! I didnt know he was proposing and he had borrowed the money from his Mum to pay for it (so I wouldnt know about it). I offered for us to pay for it together as I saw it as an investment into our future together!

But I suppose Damon and I have been sharing our money right from the start and we were living together so it would have been hard for him to save money himself to pay for it (because I always have a eagle eye on the finances

)!

I saw talk to her about it, she wouldnt want you to get into financial trouble for her ring, I think she will probably be quite open to the idea.

ladedah · #11 10-28-2007, 05:41 PM

my DH saved up the money for half and then used a 0% interest credit card to pay for the rest...but he wasn't done paying for it when we got married, so i helped pay it off....

it really didn't bother me...I mean, I guess we both came into our marriage with debt....student loans, car payments and this that and the other...we both knew about it and had agreed that we would pay it all off together...

so I guess my advice is to just talk to her about it...not every couple veiws finances the same, so you've got to work out now what is going to work the best for both of you now and in the future...

good luck...

oh, and congratulations on your engagement...

Julz518 · #12 10-29-2007, 02:58 PM

TALK TO HER!

One of the leading causes of divorce is financial issues. You need to start off your marriage on the right foot by having open and honest communication about your finances.

I would NOT, however, ask her to help pay for it... unless she has her heart set on this exact ring and OFFERS to help. Otherwise, downsize. If she has a problem with that, then you are going to have bigger problems in your marriage.

TheaterDiva1 · #13 10-29-2007, 03:55 PM

I'd downsize to something you can afford... if you just get a simple solitaite, you can have more stones put in later, either for an anniversary of when you have kids (one stone for each kid).

amandamani · #14 12-02-2007, 03:29 AM

Like the others, I would advise that you be honest with your future wife and talk to her about it. But as for me, I wouldn't mind helping my future husband pay for the ring if he would ask me.

AngelRoseFyre · #15 12-02-2007, 07:29 PM

From personal experiance. I was engaged about a year back, and I ended up haveing to almost pay for the ring entirely by myself, it cost 2k he payed about $200.00 on it. I was not happy at all about the situation!!!!

MrBrown · #16 12-30-2007, 03:36 AM

Seeing as how it's on layaway already, I'm guessing that downsizing to a less expensive ring is not possible. I say go for it. She might be a bit upset but in the end you will wind up losing the ring plus all the payments you have already made.

Sapphire · #17 01-14-2008, 07:01 PM

Just downsize. I was engaged and while he took me and i picked it out and it was all exciting and stuff...I ended up paying (still paying) for that ring. That is the LAST thing you want to focus on is who's paying for the ring. If she throws a fit about getting the 'one she wants' THEN tell her that you'll need help.

bluocean · #18 02-18-2008, 09:35 AM

I think it would be ok to share the payment of the ring if you are buying a ring for her but if you are buying the ring for yourself I think it is better to use your own money on it.