Update...(Pretty LONG) - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

michaelsbride · #1 10-25-2007, 03:55 AM

Well the last time I was really posting on Pash, I had posted about Michael
and I's problem and annullment..........

That was over two months ago now. Shortly after I posted, we discovered that we could not get an annullment without one of us basically lying and saying we had somehow been tricked into our marriage. Neither of us really felt right about that so we contacted a divorce lawyer. Now during all of this, we continued living very cohesively and still slept in the same room and ate together. Like i had originally said, we had become better friends than spouses. I brought up counseling again (he was opposed to it previously) and he actually agreed.

The counseling was hysterical. We held hands walking in and left holding each other up because we were laughing so hard. The doctor after finding out we have nothing really in common and never have, and we take separate vacations and pretty much always have actually scratched his head and asked "How did you two ever get married?" We found it very funny that we confused the hell out of him.

So we saw the counselor four times total. First time together, once each separately, and then together again. He found that my depression from so long ago was having a major effect on our relationship as well as his unwillingness to have sex with me. He recommended having me back on medication and for me to continue seeing him and occassionally have Michael join us. He said point blank "You come into my office holding hands and I've seen you each squeeze the other's hand when you know something tough is being said... that means something. You can't walk away from that yet."

So with that, we've continued to work on us. We've stayed best of friends and have tried finding the romance that brought us together. We celebrated our one year anniversary at the end of Sept with a fun 3 day weekend with friends doing stuff that we've found we actually do have in common. It was amazing. Michael also just celebrated his 40th birthday with a surprise party i threw for him with all of his nearby friends.

Some of the best advice from our dr.... "Cut out the negativity. Don't say 'Flowers are nice BUT they don't fix everything'" It's not about the dishes FINALLY getting done but that the dishes got done. For us we still think sometimes "Gee its about time the dishes got done." but we don't say that to the other person... we just say thank you and let the small bits that don't help (and really only get said to hurt) fade away because in the end it really doesn't matter if it took a little longer that the dishes got done... you had a great meal right?

So that's where we're at. We're still together but I needed to take some time away from posting to see that perhaps my mistake was only giving in too soon. :O)

sparklesweetie · #2 10-25-2007, 03:58 AM

Marge129 · #3 10-25-2007, 04:11 AM

Take care of yourself!!!

NovemberGal · #4 10-25-2007, 05:10 AM

Thanks for updating us...I'm glad you're working on seeing if you can reconnect.

Marksbride · #5 10-25-2007, 12:42 PM

Thanks for the update!

We all wish you the best.

Yelycrazygirl · #6 10-25-2007, 01:14 PM

Those are great news... I'm really glad you guys are working on your relationship. I do hope things works out for the best.

justnmary · #7 10-25-2007, 01:44 PM

Good luck! Congrats on going to counseling, too many people give up when all they needed was counseling!

birdie · #8 10-25-2007, 02:24 PM

Thanks for the update.

I'm so glad you are best friends through all of this and that you can talk to each other about what is going on. I think the biggest mistake in any relationship is lack of communication and you two are one step ahead of most couples.

ladedah · #9 10-25-2007, 02:28 PM

ohiobride · #10 10-25-2007, 02:50 PM

I'm glad you were able to take a step back and evaluate things longer. Seeing a counselor was a big help, I'm sure.

Sh@ks18 · #11 10-25-2007, 04:16 PM

I'm glad you guys are working on it and i truly hope things work out. It already looks like you guys are taking the proper steps to achieve a happy marriage.

RJE080703 · #12 10-25-2007, 05:00 PM

I didnt know you or your story before but I just wanted to offer a

feb-bride · #13 10-25-2007, 08:07 PM

I've been thinking about you. I am really glad that the two of you are trying to keep your marriage together instead of automatically throwing in the towel. You guys might end up having a really strong marriage when this is all said and done.

morganova · #14 10-25-2007, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by birdie

Thanks for the update.

I'm so glad you are best friends through all of this and that you can talk to each other about what is going on. I think the biggest mistake in any relationship is lack of communication and you two are one step ahead of most couples.

Yep!

All the best...

Kim&Bob2004 · #15 10-26-2007, 02:08 AM

Many hugs for you, and I hope things work out. The doctor is right, you do have something with your husband and it's not something to just walk away from.

Make hobbies together, and try doing things that only interest the other together, you might find you enjoy it too!

PlanetClaire · #16 10-26-2007, 02:10 AM

I missed all of this when it happened!

I am really glad that you are trying to sort things out. I agree that people are too willing to bow out rather than tough it out. That being said, I hope you find your happiness and stay true to yourself whatever the end result.

( But I have my fingers crossed for you both working it out!!)

m_t_rose · #17 10-26-2007, 02:10 AM

Thank you for the update. Also the reminder that the little negative things shouldn't matter. I think we all need a reminder of that sometimes.