Rethinking Everything

[cru5h]

I seriously feel like I'm back at square-one again, what with our engagement sequel. I don't know what I want anymore. I haven't talked to Richy yet, but he leans toward not really caring much what we do as long as it's something I really want. That's kind of helpful.

Now that we're not moving further north in FL I can still do a beach wedding, but the question now is one of timing. Do I want to have a morning wedding still? Kind of... Do I want a sunset wedding? Kind of...

I wish his friggin divorce would be finalized already so we could set a date. Once the date is set I can choose the time by the weather and tourists. My cousin also wants to show me this place she wanted to get married but couldn't book in time for her own wedding. *sigh* I just want to get the show on the road already. I saw these candle holders at Yankee Candle for half-off and couldn't even buy them "just incase" because I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing now. They're long gone by now, though.

He's calling the courts today to let them know the paperwork they sent him was wrong and he's got a big problem with what's going on right now with regard to the kids. If she complicates things, in other words asking for things she never had in the 8 years they've been separated, I will kick her square in the balls. Just kidding. I'll sit here like a neutered loser.

Anyway, back to the non-wedding planning: I remember liking the idea of partying at night for our reception, and I have a thing about weddings that last all damn day or are broken up over the course of the day: I don't do 'em. I won't do that. So I don't want to do morning ceremony, evening reception. I've got laundry to do.

[Lizbet]

I know it's cliche, but try to just take things as they come. Stay cool.

It must be frustrating , but at least Richy's started the process for getting the paperwork fixed. I hope it all gets sorted out soon, for you. sent your direction.

And, once the divorce is settled, and you "allow" yourself to start planning, I bet it'll go smoothly.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

It must be SO frustrating for you, Vic. I hope things go smoothly with the divorce. It must drive you crazy not knowing when everything will happen or what will happen with the girls or WHEN you can plan your wedding.

For LESSER reasons I feel the same way about the reception part of my wedding. I feel like I can't BEGIN to plan anything until we know for sure when the house will be done and ready. And that's not NEARLY as stressful as Richy's divorce and custody settlement holding things up. I'm sure it's extremely difficult for you.

I love the idea of a beach wedding. IF it were possible, I think it would be so awesome to have a beach wedding at sunset and then have a clambake sort of thing on the beach and party into the night. As I said, don't know if you have any places near you that could provide something like that. I just think it sounds so dreamy! Though the morning beach wedding you were planning was just as lovely.

[Marge129]

I'm so sorry Vic... it'll all work out soon! When it does you and Richy will have the most beautiful wedding EVER!

And I am in LOVE with the idea of a beach wedding at sunset.

[bebe]

I totally agree with Liz. And I understand it's frustrating. You got the proposal and fresh start you wanted and needed, but now so many things are up in the air, you are just stuck, waiting right now. No fun!

I think the idea of a sunset wedding sounds amazing! I remember you were planning for a smaller group of people, so you could do a cocktail reception afterwards (appetizers, finger foods, a signature cocktail) and get your party on. You know it's going to be great Vic, it will be well worth the (annoying long) wait.

PS - I will kick her square in the balls for you.

[labeadel]

Sorry, I'm not going to be much help, because they all sound great to me. I know he says he doesn't care, but maybe the two of you should just sit down and talk it through. Talk about all the pros and cons of a sunrise beach wedding, sunset beach wedding, and a wedding with a big evening party at your house. They all have good and bad things about them for you and Richy, and your guests. Talk that through with him and then maybe you'll actually have a clear winner.

[Complicated Woman]

Sorry to hear about how difficult Richy's divorce has been. Hopefully it will all work out soon and you'll be able to get on with it.

I think a sunset beach wedding sounds great -- with yummy finger foods, frozen drinks, and tiki torches blazing into the night. You'd barely need to decorate, just set up pretty food stations & tables. I would be all about it.

[breezy]

Since I know what it is like to go through all the court stuff, custody stuff and feeling like someone else has alot of control over your life (((HUGS)))

Alan spent almost 2 years in court fighting for our current 50/50 custody plus alot of other issues (lies). While in no way am I happy for you going through this, I am happy to know I am not the ONLY one here that has and is going through this crazyness. (sick and twisted I know)

Alan and I are also planning a beach wedding, sunset. I would love a sunrise, but getting the apx 50 guest there at sunrise (about 5am here) would be a true feat! Plus being in CA the sun sets over the water and rises over the mountains... so the sunset will give me more the visual *I* want!!!

Our girls will be playing a HUGE part in our wedding, we really want it to be a true family blending ceremony.

I hope that things on your end work out SOON! I feel your pain and frustration.

Our plan as of now is to work out the stuff we can. Vows, how we want the ceremony to go, blessings, how we are including the kids. Start looking at venues... but not reserve until next year. If I see stuff that is perfect, I will buy it and stash it away. We want to be able to enjoy this time together, so we are going to try to do a little at a time so that we don't have to feel crazy and rushed.

Are there things you can do now to help you get a clearer idea of what you want???

[555Ann555]

First thoughts.... Have a sunset wedding and party throught the night until the sun comes up and end the reception after dawn

[ljeagle]

I think a sunset wedding and party at night would be nice. Think of how much sleep u would get if u would do it at 6am. Would u even go to sleep the night b-4. I was in a wedding set for 7am on top of a local mt. at a park. We ended up getting no sleep the night b-4 and u could tell it in all the pictures. I'm sure it will come together soon as the divorce gets done...

[cru5h]

Rambling below...

I'm really confused about who I'd hire to make the foods I want when I make really good foods :/ But now that I'm working, maybe my boss can help me get a good discount on catering in town. Everything in Palm Beach is gourmet and European, which most of my guests (and Richy, me) will not get to experience otherwise. My boss gets free schitt all the time, being the Fire Marshal. I'll have to talk to him about it. Maybe he'll be able to help with a location even. That'd be awesome. *daydreaming*

One of the other office chicas (at one of the other stations) is getting married in a couple months. I wonder what she's doing... She doesn't work with my boss so she doesn't know how much he has the hook-up. But the hookups may not pertain to wedding-related stuff, so we'll see.

I'm thinking chocolate brown and very light pink for the colors. And I'm positive I'm dropping my original MOH. Most of you have seen that thread. So my BMs are Richy's girls. By the time we wed they will be 15 and 13 so they're really Jr's but I'm not telling THEM that To me, they're the only BMs I need. I don't think they're going to take me out drinking and to see greasy stripper balls. But Richy will probably pay for an outing for just us girls. We'll invite their friend and go do something fun.

My guest list is going to be larger than anticipated. I'm finding my balls aren't as brassy as I thought they were when it comes to telling people who've known me since I was 11 that they're not invited. *sigh* It's going to look like a high school reunion in there. A large part of me wants them there...the cheap part of me does not. I'd better fix the list. And these people, some of them have 3 small children. I don't mind kids being there but that was when the kid list was under 5 kids. Just including 2 people I didn't intend to include makes the total jump from 3-5 to 9-11. I'll come up with something.

In updated news: Richy's got a lawyer, the ball is officially rolling. The bad news is lawyers aren't free. A lot of money is going into this. But it's mostly money he had put away already. And this is why the wedding was posponed in the first place. As long as some action is going to take place, we're one step closer to setting a date and getting this show on the road.

more rambling at another time...

[Heather]

While I was planning, I had two financial "beings" sitting on each shoulder. One was sticking me with a fork saying: "Invite everyone you know would want to be there!" The other was saying: "Girl, you can't afford this crap."

Lawyers are expensive, but as you said it's something that has to be done. You know I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Originally Posted by cru5h

So my BMs are Richy's girls. By the time we wed they will be 15 and 13 so they're really Jr's but I'm not telling THEM that To me, they're the only BMs I need. I don't think they're going to take my out drinking and to see greasy stripper balls.

Let's hope not!

I think it's really sweet to have Richy's girls as your BMs. Will you incorporate your sons somehow, too?

I hope your boss is, indeed, the hook-up master! That would be AWESOME!! I also love the combo of pink and chocolate brown--so pretty!

I think people understand when you tell them it's a *SMALL WEDDING.* Just keep repeating! It sounds like it could get REALLY out of control with the whole HS reunion and masses of children. Remember this is about you and Richy starting your life together, not about whose feelings might get hurt or who is hinting for invites. I know when I have my reception at my house, there are a lot of people I SHOULD invite, but I know I don't have the room to invite them, so when I talk about it I'm sure to repeat constantly: A small party at the house for our family.

Lawyers are CRAZY expensive! But I'm sure you're just glad it's happening. Have the girls been staying with you since they came back, or are they still at the ex's friend's place?

[cru5h]

How on Earth did I miss your response? LOL Sometimes I think I'm the only one reading my posts.

The girls are with us on the weekends and any random night they choose to, until their mother receives the surprise of temporary custody paperwork. The problem is she has them in a school by the friend's house. We live pretty far away and have no way of driving them to school. It sucks. The only compromise is getting them into the same out-of-district school their friend goes (that is by our house) to so they can all go together when they're with their mom, or walk when they're at our house.

My sons are going to be our little ring bearers.

I notice I've been putting off even making the list because of the fright of the bottom line. I've got to get back into my previous mind-frame. 1 of the girls I was considering didn't invite me to her wedding and we don't see each other often, if at all. So that's one down. The other was like a little sister to me. I may have to cave on that one. I'm not inviting her parents though. *nods*

I've got to sit down and do the list. Got to. In fact, I'm going to do it as soon as I'm done posting this. Yes.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

I hope all works out with the school and custody. It sounds complicated. Good luck with the list, too! Cut, cut, cut!

[cru5h]

OK, I talked to El Richymo and we worked the list up. There will be something like 41 people (if they all show up). We'll round that up to 45 incase I missed anyone. Richy has a few friends he wants to come. 45 is about 10 more than we had before we postponed. I think it's OK. I'm hoping to catch a break on something major, either the event or the food. If not, I've got other ways to work it out. The ceremony place, if we can't get it for free here on the island or included in the cost of the reception somehow, will be at the same beach I'd planned at first...and that's free. So that is a HUGE savings for us.

I want to keep my budget shamefully small. I'm one of the "this is but one day" thinkers. It's ok for others, just not for me. But I'm really creative/inventive so I think I can pull it off without it looking cheap. Plus, living here forever has given me a number of people to network through. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Yes, Richy will help, but we all know who wears the bra in this relationship

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Whoa, El Richymo is a cross-dresser?! Hee-hee... I'm with you, girl. I'm definitely all into cost-savings, as well. I know people who spend $40,000 on a wedding and then rent a crappy apartment forever. Why not buy a house with the money?!?! Jeesh. Hell, I just found a $200 winter white wool trenchcoat I really wanted for $30!! My wedding dress I got for $60! You CAN definitely find ways to cut costs without necessarily cutting quality. It takes some extra legwork, but thank Al Gore for the Internet! And hopefully your boss will come through with the hook-ups! I hope you still get married on the beach, if you're still wanting that--because I know how excited you were about it and it would be beautiful!

[cru5h]

Yeah, the beach is my first favorite. But I really love the architecture of the buildings on the island (think 20's Mediterranean). So I'd be satisfied with that too (if it is dirt cheap or free).

[cru5h]

I tried calling a restaurant/reception site Friday afternoon. They charge $69 a person and this is what's included in that.

(their website has a mess of typos)

Four Hour Reception

Cocktail Party

A One Hour Open Bar
Featuring our House Brands of Vodka, Gin, Scothch, Rum, Rye and Bourbon and Domestic Beers, White, Red and Rose Wines and Assorted Sodas


Antipasto Station
Fresh Tomato & Mozzarella Salad, Fire Roasted Vegetables: Zucchini, Squash, Eggplant, Portobellos. served with a Balsamic Glace. Pasta Salad: Fresh Vegetable Tossed with Penne Pasta and Spinach Pesto, Sun Dried Tomato Hummus and Pita Chips. Tri-Color Tortilla served with ''Pico de Gallo'' and Cheese Sauce, Marinated Red & Yellow Bell Peppers served with a Sherry Vinaigrette. Cold Roasted Red Potato served with a Black Olive Tapenade. Sliced Improted Cheeses and Salami

Asian Station
Benvenuto's Roll: Carrots, Cucumbers, Cream Cheese. California Roll:Avocado, Fresh Vegetables and Crab Meat. Tuna Roll: Wasabi Mayo, Scallions, Cilantro ''Inside out''. Salmon Roll: Smoked Salmon, Bream Cheese & Cucucmbers. Gingered Soba Salad: Buckwheat noodles, Fresh Scallions, Cilantro, Bean Sprouts, Peppers, Gingered Vinaigrette. Oriental ''Slaw'': Shredded Carrots, Cabbage, Tossed with Sesame Dressing. Plum Chicken Satay: Julienne Vegetables served with Chicken Breast Strips and a light Plum Sauce Accompanied with Ginger White Rice.

(I'm not into either station, so I'd go with the choices below)


Or Hors d'oeuvres Selections (Choice of 6)
Golden Ravioli with Arrabiata Sauce
Beef, Lamb and Pork:
Marinated Beef Kebabs, Garlic, Parsley and Olive Oil with Scallions
Frankfurter wn Croute Dijonaise
Baby Lamb Chops Mint Jelly
Barbecued Glazed Cocktail Ribs
Mini Cuban Sandwich
Melon Wrapped Prosciutto
Chicken and Duckling:
Coconut Chicken, Pineapple Chutney Sauce
Barbecued Mini Chicken Drumsticks
Chicken ''Foie Gras'', Sage, Walnut, Crostini
Baked Peking Duck Pot Stickers, Plum Sauce
Salmon and Snapper:
Smoked Salmon Rillettes with Lemon
Cold Poached Salmon wtih Dill Mayonnaise
Mediterranean Style Salmon Skewers, Citrus Dipping Sauce
Tostaditas with Blackened Snapper Pineapple Relish and Sour Cream
Shrimp, Scallops, Crab Meat and Calamari:
Shrimp with Cocktail Sauce
21/25 Shrimp, Cocktail Sauce
Tiny Shrimpon Brioche
Grilled Shrimp and Chorizo, BBQ Sauce
Shrimp Scampi in a Bowl
Bay Scallops, Shrimp Provencale on a 1/2 Shel
Mini Crab Cake with Louisiana Remoulade
Mini Puff Crab Meat Thermidor
Fried Calamari, Basil Marinara Sauce
Vegetable and Cheese:
Demi-Tasse with Carrot Ginger Soup
Warm Goat Cheese Tartlet with Roasted Peppers
Roasted Tomato, Ricotta on a Pita Toast
Vegetable and Cheese Quiche
Field Mushroom Tartlet with Hollandaise Sauce
Quesadilla Triangle with Smoked Gouda and Portobella
Plump Dried Apricot with Creamy Goat Cheese
Stuffed Mushrooms Cap with Polenta and Parmesan
California Rolls, Wasabi Soy

Four Course Dinner (3 Hours)

Appetizers (Please Select One)
''Peking Style'' Barbecued Duck
Crepes, Scallions, Fresh Coriander and Pea Shoot Slad with Citrus Sauce
Florida Crab Cake, Maryland Lump Crab Served with Black Bean,Tomato, Corn and Yelow Pepper Coulis
Escargots ''Pot de Creme'' with Portobello Mushrooms, Garlic, Parsley and Reggiano
Risotto Mushroom Ragout with Portobello Mushrooms, Smoked Gouda with Tomato Salsa and Jalapeno Cream
Quesadilla with Portobello Mushrooms, Smoked Gouda with Tomato Salsa and Jalapeno Cream

Salads (Please Select One)
Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Salad with Balsamic Reduction
Organic Mixed Greens Gorgonzola, Granny Apples and Toasted Spiced Pecans
Classic Caesar Salad served with Sourdough Croutons

Entrees (Please Select Three)

Caribbean Style Roast Prime Rib Au Jus with Popover

Pan Roasted Filet of Snapper Provencale Roasted Garlic, Black Olives and Light Tomato Sauce, Roasted Potatoes

Grilled Boneless Pork Rib Chop Celery Apple Potato Puree Savoy Cabbage and Mackintosh Apple Cider Sauce

Roast Indiana Duckling Bing Cherries Red Currant Sauce

Citruss Marinated Roast Chicken Fire Roasted Red Pepper and Garlic Sauce with Black Bean Mashed

Seared Atlantic Salmon with Chinese Five-Spice and Asian Vegetables

Sauteed Marinated Shrimp Basil Risotto, Shitake and White Truffle Oil

Accompaniments
A Platter of Seasonal Vegetables with be served French Style by our White Gloved Servers. Sweet Butter, Freshly Baked French Bread and Onion Rolls

Dessert
Our Traditional Wedding Cake. Platter of Mini French Pastries served at your Table

White, Red and Rose Wines and Assorted Sodas will be Offered During Dinner

Freshly Ground Colombian Coffee and Selected Imported Teas

[cru5h]

So, I'm tempted to do that. But $69 a head seems like SO much. Is that normal, other city-people? And looking at what we're getting for it, is it worth that?

And I didn't ask if children are counted as "heads", if there's something special we could order for them. I'm not even sure I want any other than ours and my cousin's daughter (who I'm considering asking to be our FG).

[Complicated Woman]

Wow! If the quality of food is good, that sounds like a great price/package!

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

This "yummy" smilie doesn't quite cut it--I need a drooling all over my keyboard smiley!! Oooooh! That sounds SO DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I would have kept going with the exclamation points, but you get the picture!) For me that sounds like a good price for all that food! I guess going with that place would force you to narrow down the guest list from everyone you ever knew to just the closest family and friends.

[cru5h]

That's about right. We were up to 45, I think, but that included children. And not everyone will be able to make it anyway. I'm thinking I want to weed out small kids. This is going to be from 6PM-10PM and that's pretty late to be partying with your babies. Richy's and mine, they're old enough. The girls can take the boys somewhere and beat them into submission. Just kidding. I think ours will be OK, and my cousins won't want to stay all the way to the end anyway, not with their 4 year old. The others I will just put Adult Reception to follow, or whatever.

[kenzies_mama]

If all that food is included it sounds like a good price. The part that confuses me is the doesn't seem to be any time for dancing and what not. Not that you necessarily want that. Also I'm not sure if the wedding cake is included from reading that. Its high for here but despite that fact I'm in a rather large city it's still the midwest.

[cru5h]

The wedding cake's included. That whole package is what is included, and the lady made special mention of the cake and wine over the phone.

I'm just really pretty cheap (I was dirt poor my whole life) and looking at that price makes me *shiver*. But our ceremony site is free, and my uncle is the one marrying us. But still - it's a lot of money.

pictures

outside

One possible room we'd be in


same room, arranged for the ceremony


another room

I will want the chairs covered. It looks like a hotel lobby with them like that.

Sorry, I had to screen shot off a virtual tour to get the pictures, so they're blurry.