Countdown to the wedding: 75 days

You know your wedding is fast approaching when you start having anxiety dreams about the big day (remember Meredith’s shoe dream?). I’ve had at least three wedding-related dreams in the past week, and although they haven’t been nightmares per se, they definitely reflect a subconscious nervousness I hadn’t really acknowledged. These dreams stick out in my mind not only because they are about the wedding, but also because these are the only dreams I’ve been able to remember after waking for at least the past few months.

The one that I best remember took place a few nights ago and centered on the hours leading up to the ceremony. Everything seemed to be going well until I realized that my makeup artist had arrived, but I had somehow forgotten that she would be coming and had already done my makeup myself. Realizing my mistake, I washed off my face as quickly as I could, but the makeup artist didn’t have enough time to do her job and she was still putting things on me up to the last minute. Then I realized that there was a big stain on my dress because for some reason I had worn the dress to school (high school?) and it got all dirty. Everything finally came together at the last minute, but I was extremely stressed out.

Although I have no plans to wear my wedding gown to visit my high school or do my own makeup for my wedding, I think the main takeaway from my dream is that I am feeling unprepared for such a momentous occasion. I’m right on track with my planning schedule, but mentally I feel like time is passing so quickly and soon it will be the middle of June and how can I possibly be prepared for such a big event? I’m so worried that after it’s over I’m going to regret not putting in more time beforehand to make it even more perfect. If that’s not the sign of an overachiever, I don’t know what is—it’s definitely time to chill out.

I think I’ve officially visited every web site that sells wedding favors. Well, probably not all of them, but it feels like it! I’ve had no luck—everything is too expensive ($4 for two pieces of chocolate?!), too corny or too impractical (I don’t want to give something like a book of matches—it’ll probably just get left on the table). I want to go with something edible because I think people will actually take it.

So at first I wanted to use rock candy sticks (see pic below from OrientalTrading.com) at each place setting to add a fun element to the wedding décor—plus, I remember eating them as a kid at Indiana festivals. But it seems like you can only get rock candy in bulk in assorted colors and we’d need it in teal and pink. I didn’t want to have a bunch of extra rock candy lying around after the wedding!

So my mom suggested giving two chocolate truffles in a tiny, cute box but I think a friend is doing that for her upcoming wedding and I don’t want to copy. Then I found Hershey’s Kisses with cute labels from theknot.com, but they don’t have any labels that match our colors. We’ve also considered using M&Ms that match our wedding colors (we’d use the teal and dark pink candies). We’d put them into small organza bags and place them at each setting. But I think a lot of people do M&Ms, and I want something more unique.

Next, I considered putting black and white cookies in pretty packaging at each setting. This gift would go with the New York City theme we have (we’re naming our tables after NYC landmarks to honor the city where we met). But I’m worried that I won’t be able to find a baker in Indiana who knows what a black and white cookie is, let alone how to bake one well.

So right now I’m sort of waiting—waiting to see if my mom can find someone in my hometown to make black and whites, waiting to find something better on the Internet. If neither of those things work out, we’ll probably just go with the M&Ms, but I’m just not excited about those. Anyone have any bright favor ideas they’d like to share?

After all the stuffing, and sealing, we were finally ready to send our invitations. I went to the post office to get one weighed so I could purchase the correct amount of postage. It came out to 58 cents per invite, which was a relief since I thought those rhinestones would put us over the 2 ounce edge.

The postal worker told me he had only one kind of 58-cent stamp: the Margaret Chase Smith one. Not caring about who that was (and I should have known–I was an American Studies major), I bought 115 of them.

I later learned that she was the first woman to sit in the senate and the house (if that Wikipedia entry was accurate). Pretty cool, I thought. I wasn’t thrilled about putting a dead republican on my wedding invites, but since I had been trying not to sweat the small stuff, I wasn’t going to go to another post office to wait on another long line only to have one stamp option again. So I brought the stamps home feeling accomplished.

My mood quickly changed when Paul looked at the stamps and laughed. “Are you serious?” he asked. “For the wedding invites?” “Sure, why not,” I said. “Shouldn’t the stamp have love or hearts on it?” I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my apathetic, heterosexual fiance.

I called my mom for validation. Her response: “You’re going to put a dead republican on your wedding invites?” I burst into tears.

Silly, I know, but at that moment I realized that I did care about the little things, and the only reason I was acting like I didn’t care was to prove that I’m not some control freak bridezilla. I hate those brides, and I desperately didn’t want to become one myself. I’ve seen how big stuff can go horribly wrong, so why should I worry about insignificant details? Even though no one will look at the stamp for more than a split second, having some random old woman on my envelopes would annoy me. I wish I could be one of those I-don’t-give-a-crap brides, but that’s not who I am. Is that so bad?

Paul kindly hit the post office near his job the next day and bought wedding-worthy pink heart stamps, the blush version of the lavender 41-cent stamps already gracing our response cards. That night, we spent hours stamping and checking our list, then, this morning, we dumped all the invites in a mailbox. It was a huge relief.

We even have a response already! One of my friends stopped by my office the other day, so I handed her an invite. She filled out the response card on the spot (yes, she’s attending). I proudly took it home and placed it in a pocket of the “correspondence book” that’s designed specifically for holding response cards. It’s so weird how, in just a few weeks, that book is going to be full.

Images courtesy of usps.com

Countdown to the wedding: 82 days

We bought our wedding rings—I’m so excited! Well, we bought them a few weeks ago when we were back in California, but I’m still so excited! After briefly considering buying our rings at Tiffany, we decided to go back to Diamonds of Palo Alto to visit Shara, the jeweler who helped Aaron pick out my ring and helped both of us pick out Aaron’s engagement ring. Shara is also one of my favorite humans because she is an absolute joy to be around and she knows both of us well enough to help us pick out pieces that are right for us.

Have I mentioned Aaron’s engagement ring before? I can’t remember. It’s a pretty neat piece of jewelry: tungsten carbide with a band of white gold that matches my engagement ring. Some people give us funny looks when they realize what it is, but he loves it, and that tickles me pink. I got it for him after he was complaining about not having anything to show off the fact that he was engaged. It’s also a great way to show the random women he encounters that they need to back off!

It’s a very manly ring, and I’m kind of sad that it will be gone soon (he claims that he may wear it on his other hand, but he fiddles with it all the time as it is, so I have a feeling that it will be going into a drawer until it can be passed off to progeny). That being said, we’re both very excited about his wedding ring: an extremely traditional 18 karat gold wedding band with milgrain beadwork on the sides.

I ended up getting exactly what I thought I would: a white gold band with inset diamonds to match the sides of my engagement ring. When Shara first brought it out, I tried it on and I was so disappointed because the metals didn’t match at all. Then Shara kindly suggested that she clean my ring. Turns out it really needed a cleaning! The two matched perfectly.

Images courtesy of Zales.com. and JCPenney.com

As I read back through all my posts the other day, I realized that I haven’t given much advice yet…I’ve just complained a lot! ☺ So here are some tips for newly-engaged gals:

1. Keep the guest count low. I know from personal experience that this is a lot easier said than done. But try your best. The fewer guests you invite, the fewer people you’ll have to feed, the fewer invites you’ll need to order, etc. It all adds up so quickly! (And really, will you even miss your first-grade teacher being there?)

2. Limit the bridal party. Along the same lines as tip #1, you’ll have fewer people to host at the rehearsal dinner, buy thank-you presents for, etc. (Jeez, I sound so cheap!) Plus, you can honor friends in other ways—for example, I’m going to ask a close childhood pal to do a reading at the ceremony.

3. Choose your wedding site wisely. Try to pick a place that has catering, table linens, dishes, glasses and so on, included in the price. Otherwise, you’ll have to hire a catering company, rent linens and place settings, etc., which will be expensive. Our food will probably not be fantastic but at least we don’t have to pay someone to bring food in, set it up, etc.

4. Be honest with Mom. If your mom starts to stress you out, gently tell her she’s doing so (as early in the process as possible).

5. Use the Pash message boards. The posters aren’t pretentious and are super-helpful, so if you have a dilemma or need some advice, head on over.

6. Talk to married friends. Since they’ve been through the process, they can tell you what to stress over and what not to worry about. Early on, Justin and I talked to some couple friends and they emphasized not sweating the small stuff. They gave a good tip: they said that they did a receiving line, and then didn’t get too worked up if they didn’t talk to everyone at the reception. (You can always call the people you accidentally missed the day after the wedding before you leave for your honeymoon.)

7. Hire a wedding planner. Of course, not all budgets allow this, but depending on where you’re wedding is, it might be cheaper than you think. We’re only paying $800 for our planner (not including rentals). If you can’t hire a planner for the whole process, try to hire someone for the rehearsal and day-of (do you really want to be ordering people around on your wedding day?). This was something that was essential for my parents and I—the way we see it, we are not pros, but wedding planners do this everyday.

8. Don’t believe everything you read. As much as I love bridal magazines (hey, I work in the magazine industry), don’t feel pressured to take all their suggestions. For example, I’ve read in several places that it’s a good idea to hire a babysitter and set up a kids’ table for your reception. In my opinion, that’s an unnecessary expense. Bottom line: Do what works for you.

My living room is a sea of paper right now. We’re in the midst of stuffing envelopes so we can send out our invitations next week (next week!), so we have stacks of envelopes, invitations, and direction cards covering our couch and coffee table currently.

At least the rhinestones are gone. I bought a bunch in Boston last October with the intention of adding one to each of the three flowers on my invites’ centers. While they looked nice on the big flower in the bottom corner, they wound up overwhelming the invites’ small flowers, so I needed to find little ones for the little flowers. My mom picked some up at Michael’s after several failed searches. But when we started removing them from the packaging, we realized we’d need to cut each one out instead of simply peeling them off like the big Boston rhinestones. Paul and I were quite the sight: Each armed with mini scissors from his Swiss Army Knives, we spent our post-work hours painstakingly placing the tiny rhinestones on our invitations, all because I wanted to add a little sparkle to them. We breathed a sigh of relief once we finished days later after we had begun. But it was premature.

So remember last week when we went to our hall to pick up our direction cards? When we brought them home and started to put them in our invitation envelopes a funny thing happened: They didn’t fit. They were too wide. We tried turning them sideways, but they stuck out of the tops of our envelopes (duh, our invites are square, so of course it wouldn’t fit that way if it didn’t fit width-wise!). Turning them diagonally didn’t work either. We had no choice but to cut them…and it’s taking forever. We better finish soon because these babies need to get weighed and mailed!

We thought we had better luck with our search for program papers. We stumbled upon an art store while waiting for our flight back home from Chicago yesterday. We went in and found the perfect pretty purple papers for our ceremony program covers. Better yet, they were on sale! A salesperson told me we’d have to order the amount we wanted so we went downstairs to the register to do that.

“Oh, they’ve been discontinued,” said the unfeeling person behind the register. “But you can buy whatever we have left.” Paul and I dashed back upstairs to count out their supply. 83. They were short by, oh…100.

Today, I found papers online that are close to what we saw in that art store (lavender, textured), so I ordered them: I’m just waiting for the e-mail telling me that they’re backordered.

Countdown to the wedding: 89 days

In addition to the bridal shower, one of the highlights of our recent trip back to California was meeting with our pastor. As you may remember, we had originally scheduled a different pastor for the event, but unfortunately he realized that his daughter’s graduation would take place the same day. I was pretty upset when it first happened, but after meeting with our new pastor Arvin Engelson, both Aaron and I agreed that this man is definitely the right person to marry us.

We’ve spent so much time talking about the aesthetics of the event that it was a wonderful change of pace to discuss the “soul” of the wedding with someone who cares about these things. After Aaron and I briefly talked about our faith background, Arvin spent the rest of our meeting outlining the decisions that needed to be made regarding the structure of the ceremony, and gave us several great ideas for making it uniquely ours. Here are some of the things we discussed:

The Tone. This is something that Aaron and I have already talked about extensively: we want the reception to be a joyous celebration, but we want the ceremony to be as religious and serious as possible. That being said, we want to have our own stamp on the event while still respecting the traditional elements of a Christian ceremony. Arvin gave us a number of ideas as to how to accomplish this.

The Vows. With regards to the vows, there are two things we need to keep in mind: what the actual content will be, and how they will be presented. For example, will we write our own vows (probably not, as Aaron and I don’t like the idea of having to memorize something when we’re so nervous)? Will Arvin read the vows and we say nothing but “I do”? Will he tell us what to say in a stage whisper while we repeat it in a louder voice that the guests can hear? I had completely forgotten that many couples take both marriage vows and ring vows, so that is something else we need to think about. Arvin’s only request with regards to the vows was that we not include any tentative language, like “I promise to love you until death do us part, or we find something that suits us better.” I can’t imagine that some couples would actually request that type of vow!

The Choreography. This is something that Aaron and I hadn’t even thought about, but it is still something we need to figure out. How will the bridesmaids and groomsmen enter the sanctuary? Will both of my parents or just my father present me at the altar? Arvin gave us one idea that Aaron liked a lot: the groomsmen enter from the side and each shake Aaron’s hand before taking their place near the altar. Then I walk down the aisle with my father, and when we stop at the altar Aaron walks over to meet us, symbolizing respect for my father and my family. Then my dad takes my hand and places it in Aaron’s, and he takes his place next to my mother.

We’re writing an email to Arvin tonight to start discussing these things. There’s so much to figure out!

The other night, I had a strange dream. It was about 7:05 p.m. on my wedding day (for some odd reason, the ceremony was scheduled to start at 7). I was still at my parents’ house getting ready—I was running wayyyy late. My makeup and my hair weren’t done (well, someone had attempted to start my hair, I think, because it was in some weird bouffant, curled-under style). My bridesmaids weren’t around; it was just my mom and I, and she’s not good with hair or makeup, so I was in a major bind.

But the amazing thing is that, in the dream, I wasn’t totally freaking out…yes, my stomach was flip-flopping and I was worried about being late. But I wasn’t screaming or crying or mad at my friends for not being there—I was actually still smiling a little bit. I knew that the thing that mattered most was that I was going to get married to Justin that day. This silly dream gives me hope for my wedding day—I see it as a sign that I will be able to keep it together, no matter what happens.

I know exactly why I had this dream—it’s because one of my biggest worries about my nuptials is how I’ll look on my wedding day. People say, “Oh, you’ll be beautiful,” but I have some concerns. Like: How in the world will my hair stay perfect-looking for eight hours? Will my makeup cover up my bad spots and highlight my good ones? Am I going to look skinny (I know, I know, this is very vain—but let’s face it, every bride wants to look skinny on her wedding day!)? What if my eyes are puffy with dark circles under them (I’m prone to both of these things, unfortunately)?

Luckily, though, I have a great hair-and-makeup team lined up—my maid-of-honor, Ceci (that’s us below!), is an Aveda-trained makeup artist so she’ll be in charge of my wedding-day beauty. She’s my best friend so I know that she’ll do everything in her power to make me look fabulous. She knows that I want a natural look. I don’t wear much makeup on a daily basis so I don’t want to look over-the-top on my wedding day. More importantly, I want to feel beautiful and healthy on my day—so I need to drink a lot of water and get a lot of sleep in the weeks and days leading up to the ceremony. And, I know I don’t want to drink at the rehearsal dinner the night before (OK, maybe just one glass of wine for the toast!), otherwise I’ll be tired and cranky the next day.

As far as my hair goes, I’ve had the same hairdresser, Amy, since I was about three. I trust that together, she and I will find a style that will look great and stay the whole day. Plus, I know that Amy won’t jack up the price just because she’s doing my hair for my wedding. I’m really lucky to have Ceci and Amy—many brides have to pay a thousand bucks for hair and makeup.

I’ve already started to plan out a beauty regimen for the months leading up to my wedding. I used to break out a lot, so I talked to my dermatologist and got some medication. It’s already started to clear up my skin. I’m also going to begin using under eye cream, teeth whiteners and deep-conditioning hair treatments. I’m also going to try to drink more water! I’m normally a pretty low-maintenance girl, so for me, having a beauty regimen like this is overwhelming—and a lot of work!

So why am I going on and on about hair, makeup and beauty in this post? I guess it’s because I’ve realized that being a bride brings up a whole host of self-esteem and body confidence issues. The scary fact is that 175 eyes will be on me for most of the day, and I feel a lot of (mostly self-imposed) pressure to be skinny and tan with clear skin and silky hair. But I just have to keep reminding myself that my guests will be there to celebrate Justin and I’s marriage, not to look for my flaws.

So much wedding stuff has happened this week, but I guess that’s to be expected: The big day is 80 days away! Here are the highlights:

• My dress arrived at Kleinfeld! I was getting nervous that I hadn’t gotten a call yet about scheduling my first fitting, considering brides who are getting married around the same time had already started theirs. My mom advised me to call, so, in the middle of one of my busiest work days ever, I did. “It’s shipping Friday,” the woman said. I thought she meant the following Friday, but the next day, I had a voicemail saying my dress had come in. I was so surprised! I called to schedule my fittings with one of their better seamstresses; her first Saturday appointment wasn’t until April 12th. I booked it, but I’m anxious to get started! At least I have time to get back on the wagon with this not-be-so-fat thing. One of my co-workers told me I looked like I had lost weight, and then asked me if I had been trying. I didn’t think I looked any thinner, but for some reason, I felt that compliment entitled me to eat an entire bag of potato chips…a big one.

• My reprinted invitations arrived today! Even though they look exactly like the old ones, I was expecting something to go horribly wrong, because that’s just been the theme with my whole wedding planning process. I was relieved to see they looked just as they were supposed to. I started stuffing the response cards in their envelopes (I’m supposed to do that, right?) and now we can start stuffing the rest.

• Paul and I went to our wedding hall to pick up the direction cards to send with our invites. It was the first time we were there since we officially booked, and, thankfully, I still liked it! I couldn’t remember what the grounds were like, so I walked around snapping photos so I checked them out. I think there are lots of pretty spots for pictures (examples below)! Also, the park I remembered being down the road–that Paul and my parents swore didn’t exist–really did exist! And there’s a gazebo, park benches, lots of trees, and some water.

• Yesterday, my sister told me I need to drop off my shower outfit this weekend. Since I don’t know when my shower is, odds are, I won’t randomly be wearing the BCBG dress I splurged on, so my sister wants to bring it for me to change into at the shower. Problem is: I wore the dress to my cousin’s bat mitzvah and danced so hard I ripped a whole in the armpit. I got a gift certificate from Madame Paulette, the upscale dry cleaners on the Upper East Side, so I brought my dress there today to be repaired. (I also bought a backup dress that turned out to be missing a button, so I brought that to Mme. Paulette, too.)

I guess since the wedding is so soon, and there’s still lots to do, every week will be filled with updates. As always, I’ll keep you posted!

Countdown to the wedding: 95 days

I just got back from a whirlwind weekend in California that included the most fabulous shower I possibly could have imagined. It took place on Saturday afternoon and was hosted by my mother and sister at our family home in Los Gatos. The theme was “afternoon tea party”—how adorable is that? Hats were strongly encouraged, and I wore a white one with a veil my mom had attached to the back.

The guest list included about 15 of my college friends as well as a good portion of my extended family, many of whom had flown in from various locations around the country. I was so touched that all these people had taken time out of their schedules to help celebrate my impending nuptials. It was incredible to hang out with all the friends and family that I hadn’t seen in months—or even years—and yet it was so frustrating to feel like I didn’t get a chance to really catch up with any of them because there were so many people to see! Well, that was a small price to pay for such a wonderful event.

The shower started at about 2 PM and for the first hour or so everyone milled about and noshed on the amazing spread that my mother had prepared. Once the majority of the guests arrived, we all sat down in the living room and played a shower game. I had heard horror stories about awful bridal shower games, but this one wasn’t bad at all. My mom had put a bunch of wedding-related objects—champagne flutes, rings, and flower petals among them—on a tray and allowed the guests to look at the tray for about 30 seconds. Then she covered the tray and everyone had to write down as many objects as they could remember. The two people who had the most items on their list won a prize (in this case, my aunt Clarina and my aunt Cleo, with sixteen items each!).

Then it was time to open presents. There was an enormous pile of gifts that took a good hour to open, even though I was unwrapping them just slow enough to not be rude. Everyone was so generous! Registry items, cooking utensils, gorgeous lingerie, spa certificates—you name it, I got it. One highlight was my maternal grandmother’s gift, which was a series of spoken blessings and tangible presents that included a set of linens that my late great-grandmother had embroidered by hand. When I opened this gift I burst into tears.

I think my feelings about my bridal shower are summed up by something my aunt Bertha said in passing: “[The engagement period] is so exciting. So many people in your life—especially the women—come together to celebrate you and your future, and that joy never leaves you. It never stops. It was always there, but sometimes you forget about it, and then all at once you are reminded that you are constantly surrounded by love.”

I am so honored to have such wonderful friends and family. Here are a few pictures from the shower. The first image is the custom cake my mom ordered from a very special bakery in Los Gatos. It was banana flavored, and the topper was a miniature antique teacup that my mom found. So cute!:

All of the teacups lined up and ready for the guests:

My sister Elise and I in our lovely hats:

The incredible table that my mom created. She is a domestic goddess in every sense of the word!: