Countdown to the wedding: 165 days

We’re back in town for what will be our first New Year’s Eve in New York! At first I really wanted to camp out in Times Square just to say that I’d had that experience, but then I started to get a little nervous about being around such an unruly crowd, and we wouldn’t really get to ring in the New Year together as much as we would be trying to survive the insanity.

The new plan is to have dinner at Roy’s and then head to the Brooklyn Bridge where you can get a great view of the city and do the countdown with a bunch of other people (although not in Times Square-type quantities). I’m going to bring a change of clothes to the restaurant so I can look cute at dinner and then be extremely warm on the bridge—I’m all for creative fashions, but this is one time when cute and comfortable are mutually exclusive.

New Year’s Day is an important holiday for me, and I mean that in the true sense of the word: it’s something of a holy-day. I love the opportunity for change that January 1 brings, as well as the feeling of renewal and resolve to be just a little bit better than you were the previous year. Tomorrow I want to think deeply about what I want out of 2008, and that includes thinking about the significance of the wedding and the new life that I will begin with Aaron. It’s not that I don’t think about those things the rest of the year—on the contrary, I think about them all the time—but I really want to meditate on the journey between now and the wedding and how our engagement period can strengthen the foundation of our marriage.

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s going to be a great one!

Countdown to the wedding: 173 days

Here are the things I have done in the past week, wedding-related and otherwise:

-Met with the wedding coordinator at the church
-Vowed to go vegan at the beginning of the new year
-Leafed through countless wedding ceremony programs. Considered including a unity candle ceremony, communion, and a reading of the Lord’s Prayer in both Spanish and English in my own wedding
-Made about a million Christmas cookies, and ate roughly half of those
-Did the trial run of my makeup application. It looked awesome! Although my eyes turned red because I had my contacts in instead of my glasses. Got to fix that before the wedding at the risk of bringing red-eye in my wedding photos to a whole new level
-Scheduled a quick trip back to California in March that must somehow include meeting with the minister, meeting with the music coordinator at the church, doing the first fitting of my dress, and having my bridal shower
-Felt sad about not living near my family anymore, but then felt better at the thought of all the fun times to be had in June
-Called Aaron to remind him that this is the last Christmas we’ll have apart, so he’d better be living it up big time
-Decided that I liked meat too much to go vegan
-Ordered the wedding invitations at Papyrus
-Met with the videographer, Andy Hirsch of Blue Moon Productions, to discuss the wedding DVD as well as a post-rehearsal dinner slide show

That last item got me looking through pictures of Aaron and I for use in the slide show, and I found these that I wanted to share:

Aaron and I lived in adjacent dorms our senior year at Stanford. My room had a huge window that faced the street, so he would walk by every morning and call up to me from below. One of my dormmates decided to document this on a Post-It Note.

Here Aaron and I are being presented with a cake by the friends who lived with me in my dorm senior year. As we were best friends at the time (and never even considered becoming something more), it was especially funny for them to see us get together. They claim that they saw it coming the whole time!

Here we are at my roommate (and bridesmaid) Lindsay’s surprise birthday party, looking extremely goofy.

This was taken at Megan and Quentin’s wedding in August, only a month or so after we started dating.

From our engagement photo shoot, at one of the fountains on the Stanford campus.

Happy Holidays!

As you may recall, my mom and Paul’s mom wanted to get the same dress to wear to my wedding and, despite my trying to convince my mom it’s okay to wear the same one, she wasn’t buying it.

So we made an appointment to visit one more Manhattan dress store during our lunch breaks. As we rode the elevator up in this office building where the Designer’s Loft had a suite, my mom said, “I think this is going to be a bust.” I tried to stay hopeful, for a change.

When the doors opened, we saw a small, but cute, salon. When the consultant was ready for us, we hit the racks, or, should I say, rack. But even though the selection of dresses suitable for moms was limited, they had good stuff. We were actually seeing dresses we hadn’t seen anywhere else, which was exciting because my mom was starting to feel like she had tried on every single mother-of-the-bride dress. She brought about 10 gowns into the fitting room, a couple of which were bridesmaid dresses.

The bridesmaid dresses looked so cute on her! But they seemed more appropriate for 25 year olds than a 52 year old (yes, mom, I know you’re not 52 yet, but you will be at the wedding!). Of the remaining gowns, there were two that were serious contenders.

One was taffeta, just like the brown dress Paul’s mom was eyeing, with a beaded shirred bodice, a slight fishtail skirt, and a matching bolero jacket. The sample was in this great color that was a mix of cobalt blue and teal, and it looked really nice on my mom.
Then she tried on this strapless, navy blue chiffon gown with a dramatic sweetheart neckline, ruching all through the bodice, and a big rhinestone brooch by her hip. Her waist looked tiny. Her boobs looked huge. Everyone in the store oohed and ahhed. Even better: the sheer shawl that came with it could be made into a little jacket so my mom wouldn’t feel so naked on top (she hasn’t worn anything strapless since, well, ever. Even her wedding gown had long sleeves, and god forbid she puts on a bathing suit in the summer). This dress was a winner.

But my mom was still hung up on the brown dress that Paul’s mom also wanted.

So we went to a store in Staten Island that had the brown dress so she could try it on one last time before making her decision. Hanging next to the brown dress in that store was–I kid you not–the navy blue dress. Except it was in black. My mom was thrilled that she’d be able to try both on in the same place so she could really compare the two.

And there was no comparison.

The brown dress, while amazingly beautiful, wasn’t as flattering on her as we had remembered. But the navy blue, er, black dress, gave my mom such a great shape. Her decision was made. She went back to the store in Manhattan and ordered the navy blue dress.

Navy looks great on my mom–I just hope it looks okay next to my dad in his black tux!

Countdown to the wedding: 179 days

After a hectic wrap-up in New York and a fairly uneventful six-hour flight, I’m finally back home with the family for the holidays. There’s been time to hang out and relax, but there’s also lots of wedding planning stuff to do—especially because Aaron and I will only be able to make it back to California once to do any last-minute planning before the wedding.

Today my mom and I went down to Papyrus to pick out wedding invitations. As we did with the Save the Date announcements, we gravitated toward Carlson Craft because of their cute designs and reasonable prices. I was confident that the process would be shorter than the days-long Save the Date marathon because I had a fairly good idea of what I wanted: something simple, formal, and traditional, much like the invitation my parents used for their wedding.

It seemed at first like that type of invitation had gone the way of the dinosaurs. Gaudy ink colors, sparkly pearl papers, busy borders—designs that would be appropriate for nearly every event except my wedding. They even had an invitation designed by Royal Doulton in my china pattern! Very cute, but again, not what I wanted.

Finally I came across a very simple ecru invitation with an engraved border. This isn’t the exact one, but it’s close:

It took a while to convince my mom that the design was sleek and sophisticated and not too minimalist and cheap-looking. She eventually agreed with me, but we’re going to wait until Saturday to place the order because Papyrus is having a sale and I’m going to take a few days to mull over my choice.

One other point we’re discussing is what to enclose along with the invitation. When we mailed out the Save the Date we included a link to my wedding website as well as a newsletter with hotel and reception information. My mom wants to send out another newsletter along with the invitation, but I think that will be repetitive. I do want to order reception and reply cards, though. By the way, what is up with that “M _______________” on reply cards? Are people really going to know that they should write Mr./Mrs./Ms. and their name there? And how can I find a way for people to indicate how many people are coming without implying that they are free to bring a guest?

Well, I have until Saturday to figure it out.

I knew when a few of my friends got engaged within weeks of each other that it meant I’d eventually have many weddings to attend in the near future, but I didn’t know just how near in the future they would be.

My friend Stephanie (gorgeous, gargantuan engagement ring pictured here) and I met for lunch one day, and she picked my brain about wedding planning. A few short weeks later, her save-the-date for her Mexican destination wedding and a shower invite (she knows she’s having one, so I’m not spilling the beans!) arrived in the mail.

I wanted to go to a wedding before mine SO badly, and Stephanie’s would be my chance! I’ve only been to one friend’s wedding EVER, and that was three years ago already. Besides that one, I was the flower girl at a cousin’s wedding (they got divorced; my services were never called upon again), and a regular guest at two other cousins’ weddings (one of which is also divorced; guess I’m not good luck to have around!). I just think I’d be calmer on my own wedding day if I got to closely observe how a wedding day flows from the standpoint of a soon-to-be-bride instead of an it’s-so-far-in-the-future guest. But Stephanie’s wedding is the same month as mine, and there’s no way Paul and I will be able to afford to go, sadly. So I’m out of luck.

The August after my May wedding, my friend Kelly from my old college a cappella group (closeup of Kelly and I singing “Roam,” by the B-52s, at Brandeis here, 1st and 2nd photos) is marrying her college sweetheart, Dave, in Boston. Her wedding sounds dreamy: a botanical garden/natural reserve-type setting for 80 people. When her save-the-date arrived, I was so excited!

In early October, my childhood best friend, Janine, is getting married. This’ll be an easy one to go to: party in Jersey.

My friend, Emily, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her Indiana wedding. Actually, I looked at her wedding Web site and I was listed as one of her bridesmaids there, so no formal asking was necessary. And it was no surprise, either: Emily’s one of my bridesmaids. What I was surprised about was her chosen wedding date, the week after Janine’s (hey, at least it wasn’t the same weekend!). I’m so, so excited to be engaged at the same time as my best friend–we once spent a couple of hours just reading wedding magazines together in a Barnes and Noble–so fun, and there’s no one else I’d rather do that with!

Lastly (for now!), my friend PJ’s getting married in March ‘09. I’ll have a 5-month reprieve between her and Emily’s weddings, and PJ’s is in Jersey, like mine and Janine’s.

So what’s the problem? Money. Each wedding calls for a gift. For the non-Jersey weddings, it means travel costs. And I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, but I know that responsibility comes with a lot of expenses. I’m thrilled to do these things–I love all these girls–but I just wish I weren’t saving for my own wedding and an apartment to buy at the same time. At least my save-the-date/invite/holiday card-covered refrigerator is pretty.

Countdown to the wedding: 187 days

I have never once considered not changing my last name once Aaron and I get married. I think that “Marie Baca” sounds pretty good, and I can’t imagine not honoring the tradition of taking my husband’s surname. I remember being confused as a child when a playmate’s last name was not the same as her mother’s, and feeling sorry for the kids in school who had endless hyphenated last names that never quite fit on applications and that sort of thing.

So it was extremely surprising when, a few days ago, Aaron and I were having an extremely casual conversation about name changing and I suddenly felt tears rolling down my face. For some reason, I had never thought much about how gaining a new name meant losing “Cannizzaro” and all that the name represents.

Not that “Cannizzaro” is the end-all be-all of last names. It’s long and cumbersome, and is nearly impossible to spell out over the phone. I’ve resorted to saying, “’C’, ‘A’, ‘N’ as in ‘Nancy,’ ‘N’ as in ‘Nancy’ . . .” And no one knows how to pronounce it. My immediate family says, “Can-eh-ZAYR-oh,” but my extended family says, “Can-eh-ZAHR-oh.”

But it is nevertheless my last name and it has served me well over the last twenty-three years of my existence. When people see my last name, they can immediately see the Italian heritage on my father’s side. I’ve struck up many conversations with people who are Italian themselves and feel an immediate connection because of that shared background, or people who recognize the name and ask if I’m related to Chris Cannizzaro (the retired baseball player) or Cannizzaro the chemist who has a reaction named after him (although people ask about that a lot less often).

“Cannizzaro” is also the reason I won the student council election in fourth grade when I was running for school fire marshal. My mother and I cooked up a brilliant campaign, where I stood up in front of the entire school with a coffee can and said, “My name is Marie CANnizzaro, and I CAN do the job.” I won by a landslide, which was especially exciting because I was the new girl at the school that year, and my opponents had been at the school since kindergarten.

There is also a part of me that feels—irrationally—like losing “Cannizzaro” is losing a part of my paternal grandfather, who passed away when I was in high school. Although, now that I think of it, I remember him telling me that he assumed the nom-de-plume of “Cannon” when he wrote and illustrated a short-lived comic strip, because his editor thought that “Cannizzaro” sounded too foreign.

I talked this all over with Megan, who is spending the weekend with us along with Quentin and Aaron’s brother Sylvan. She said that she went though the same identity crisis, and finally settled on officially changing her middle name to her maiden name, although she still thinks of her real middle name as the one she was given at birth. I can’t imagine doing the same thing—“Cannizzaro” is such an unwieldy middle name, and besides, I am perhaps even more possessive of my middle name—“Marie Christine” has such a nice ring to it.

I talked this all over with Aaron, and even though he is trying to be very supportive, I know that he just can’t relate to this aspect of the marriage process. I have no desire to change my plans, to do anything other than keep my current middle name and take on his last name, but I do want to think more about how I can continue to honor the things that “Cannizzaro” represents to me.

My mom and Paul’s mom get along well. They’re alike in some ways, but different in more ways. One of the ways in which I thought they differed was their taste in formalwear. My mom tends to go for black dresses. Paul’s mom, on the other hand, wore a blue-green color to Paul’s little sister’s Sweet 16 party.

My mom saw a black dress she liked in a catalog. It was super cheap, so she just ordered it. But when it arrived, she hated it. I don’t even remember her trying it on, even though she insists I saw it. Maybe it looked so bad I blocked it out.

After that, my mom decided she wanted a charcoal gray dress. She started looking online and she found one–an off-the-shoulder dress with a ruched bodice that gathered on the side. She couldn’t wait to go try it on.

Paul’s mom started looking for dresses online, too. She called my mom one night to chat, and they started talking about the dresses they’ve liked so far. As luck would have it, they had zeroed in on the exact same one in the exact same color. What were the odds?

They started hitting the stores. Paul’s mom tried on that dress, but didn’t love how it looked on. My mom couldn’t find it anywhere that carried her size, so she gave up on it. She put the dress search on hold until my sister came home from college for Thanksgiving.

We spent our Black Friday shopping for dresses. My mom liked a couple she tried on, but not enough to buy any. My mom didn’t want the typical, dowdy jacket-and-dress combos mothers-of-the-bride tend to wear. But anything that fit her criteria didn’t flatter her figure.

After a long day of shopping, we made one last stop. Hanging in the back was a great chocolate brown gown. It wasn’t the charcoal gray color my mom craved, but it was dark without being black (which my mom decided she absolutely didn’t want now). When she tried it on, it looked better than all the other dresses from that day. But the sample size they had in stock, three sizes smaller than my mom’s size, didn’t give us the best idea of how it would fit in the correct size. My mom wanted to get it, but wanted to sleep on it first.

That night, I talked to Paul’s mom. She asked how the search went, and I started to describe the dress my mom was probably going to end up taking. Paul’s mom finished my description. She had tried on that same dress, and liked it enough to want to buy it. I couldn’t believe this was happening again! The news was really frustrating to both my mom and Paul’s mom who just want to get gowns already.

I really don’t understand why they can’t wear the same dress–the SIX bridesmaids are all wearing the same dress! But that’s not an option for them, so the search continues.

Countdown to the wedding: 194 days

I am so relieved to announce that we finally chose our honeymoon destination and booked the trip. And the winner is . . . well, there’s not any one winner. Here is an overview of our three-part itinerary:

Part I: Recovering in Los Gatos

We’ll spend the first two nights after our wedding at the fabulous Hotel Los Gatos, which is just down the street from the reception. It’s one of the nicest hotels in South Bay, and we’re fortunate that it’s mere yards away all of the wedding festivities. Our room is one of two premium king suites, which means that it’s enormous and has awesome extras like a fireplace. The Hotel Los Gatos is also the home of the Preston Wynn Spa, and Aaron and I definitely want to get massages at some point during our honeymoon.

Part II: Reconnecting in Half Moon Bay

For the second leg of our trip, we will rent a car and drive from Los Gatos to the Ritz Carlton at Half Moon Bay. It’s a gorgeous hotel on a cliff overlooking the ocean– talk about romantic! Plus, Aaron and I used to go to Half Moon Bay a lot when we were dating, so the location is special for both of us. We’ll stay two nights there, and because we aren’t spending extra money on plane tickets, we’re going to be in a beautiful suite with ocean views. There’s also a spa and a golf course.

Part III: Relaxing in Napa

For the last two days of our honeymoon, we’ll take the car and drive to Napa for a stay at the lovely Wine Country Inn. We went on several trips to Napa when we lived in California, and we love the scene there: a very low-key vibe, beautiful scenery, and lots of good things to eat and drink. Once again, because we aren’t flying anywhere, we got to upgrade our room to a private cottage with views of the vineyard.

Both Aaron and I are super excited about the trip– I am so glad we stuck to our guns and waited until we could think of something that seemed really “us” and not like somebody else’s honeymoon!