Countdown to the wedding: 257 days

And the award for the biggest procrastinator goes to . . . me! I am swamped in work, and the only thing I can bring myself to do is spend hours cropping the Save the Date proof so that I can post it here. Oh, and I also created an electronic collage to see what all of the gowns and tuxes look like next to each other. I am reminded of a picture of myself from first grade that my grandmother just sent me, where I am holding a painting that looks vaguely like the New York skyline threw up on itself, but my expression is so proud I might as well have been holding a Monet.

In other news: I am SO not looking forward to addressing, stamping, and mailing the 160-something announcements over the next few weeks. My mother, God bless her, is trying to convince me to let her do it, but she’s done so much already and I would feel awful if she spent all that time doing my busy work. I’m trying to figure out how to turn my Excel spreadsheet into labels that I can just print off, but with my level of technological competency there’s no guarantee that labels will take less time than hand-addressing the envelopes.

I am so envious of Aaron’s brother Quentin and his wife Megan—they are super organized and always on top of things. They did the spreadsheet-to-label conversion in like 30 seconds for their wedding invitations, and there’s a rumor that Megan created a document where one could change the RSVP status of one guest and the computer would automatically change the reception seating assignments of every guest. Both Quentin and Megan have been so gracious with all of the stupid questions that Aaron and I ask of them, but I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be so incompetent when it comes to these things.

My birthday is this weekend, and I hope Aaron and I will get the chance to hang out and relax because we’ve both been so busy. Maybe my birthday gift will be a personal assistant who can send out the Save the Dates for me.

Confession: I’m totally envious of my engaged friends. Sounds weird, because I’m obviously engaged, myself, but in the past month, four, that’s right, four, of my friends have been proposed to. I’m deliriously happy for all of them. I love them all dearly and they’re marrying great guys, but there are a few things that are getting to me.

First, the obvious: They all received gargantuan, clear, sparkly diamonds on platinum bands. Granted, Paul was 23 when he proposed, and these guys were 25, 27, and 32 when they popped the question, but I can’t help but think about how I’ll have my more than slightly flawed diamond and white gold band for the rest of my life, while my friends have their near-perfect stones and more precious metal bands for the rest of theirs. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t competitive, yet I know I don’t need to have the biggest ring. I just wish I didn’t have the smallest! I know, I know, the most important thing is that I’m marrying my dream husband, which is an amazing feeling, but the grass is always greener on somebody else’s ring finger. “At least you got the best guy,” Paul says to cheer me up.

Now, the not-so-obvious: My recently engaged friends are at the beginning of the exciting planning process and I’m more than halfway through. They still have so many choices to make, and most of ours have been made, and, as you’ve read, I’m not thrilled with a few of them. Plus, so much has gone wrong, like having to switch locations, and still not knowing how our reception hall will turn out. I just know my friends aren’t going to face these setbacks, and hooray for that, but of course it sucks that I had to go through it. Yes, everyone has their own special stresses, and yes, something more horrible than losing our top-choice location could befall us (I hope not!), but I feel like I was the guinea pig and everyone else gets to learn from my mistakes.

I’ve heard that after couples get married and get back from the honeymoon, many fall into a period of melancholy. It’s no wonder. When all that fast-paced running and doing and planning’s over, life slows down exponentially and you don’t know what to do with yourself. I sort of feel that way now. We still have our honeymoon to plan, as well as lots of little details, but much of the excitement has died down. I’m having a blast dispensing advice about weddings, and oohing and aahing over my friends’ rings and romantic proposals, but I guess I miss the time when I was the object of everyone’s oohs and ahhs. I know it’ll pick up soon enough, so I need to just get over this.

It’s funny: I used to complain about how none of my other friends were engaged.

I wanted my bridesmaids’ opinion on the bridesmaid dress, so I gathered all of them at RK Bridal in Manhattan on the only day that all six girls would be in New York City for six months. The store was chaotic. Bridal parties ripped through the dress racks like little cackling hurricanes. My competitive attendants fit right in, grabbing dresses they liked and running them over to the dressing room, once we got one. Truth be told, my friend Melissa commandeered one when no one was paying attention. We’d probably still be standing there had she not.No one ever told me that in-stock bridesmaid dresses are sample size 10s. Emily W, a perfect size 10, had to try on every dress we picked out. A true trooper, she never complained.

Emily must have taken off her clothes no less than 30 times, but we made progress. The girls narrowed the choices to one style, strapless, A-line, with a sash, that would flatter the whole party, including short, curvy Marissa, petite-as-can-be Amanda, pear-shaped Melissa, skinny, but busty, Emily H., and my sister, Gillian, who’s thick in the belly like me. But my dress was strapless and A-line. Not that anyone would mistake a bridesmaid for a bride, but I was already feeling low about my dress. I didn’t want my dress to look like a bridesmaid dress. But, since they all agreed on a dress style, which I thought would be impossible, I was willing to humor them. I took a look at the color options. Nothing jumped out at me.

I spent months trying to find a dress that resembled their pick, came in great colors, would flatter all of their figures, but wouldn’t be fancier than my dress. When I found one, I sent my sister who was away at college to go try it on. She loved it.

It was tea-length, taffeta, had straps, a square neckline, a shirred bodice, a sash, an A-line silhouette, and a bubble skirt. I was worried the bubble skirt trend would fade before my 08 wedding, but I tried it on myself and thought it was adorable. For a wedding on one of my favorite shows, “How I Met Your Mother,” they used the same dress in the most beautiful lavender shade.

I had Emily W. try it on in Albany while I was visiting. The skirt was so wide on her, she looked like an upside-down martini glass. “I love everything about this dress, except the bubble skirt,” Emily said. Sigh. We were all set to walk out of this tiny boutique when we saw a nearly identical dress hanging in the back room. It was the same material, neckline, length, straps, and details–but didn’t have a bubble skirt. Emily tried it on, and it looked great! And it was $20 cheaper! I held my breath as the saleswoman brought over the color options. There it was: orchid. The only color sash that would complement it was white, but that was fine.

Photo of Paul’s little sister, Amanda.

After seeing a photo, the other bridesmaids liked it, too. Turned out, RK Bridal carried the dress–for even less! I was so happy, I paid for all six dresses. I felt good about having already picked the bridesmaid gift and not forcing them to pay for a dress they might not wear again. Though I really think they can! But I guess every bride says that.

Countdown to the wedding: 264 days

Aaron and I are great travel companions. Here’s a picture of us taken on a trip to Napa the summer after we graduated – I can’t remember why he has that look on his face, but it’s probably because he had just said something terrible to his brother who was holding the camera. We both like exploring new places and participating in interesting cultural experiences. That being said, we also need our “down time” and do a pretty good job of mixing up high-intensity activities with time to recharge our batteries.

But when it comes to our honeymoon, we want to devote ALL of our time to relaxing. Some couples honeymoon in Europe and spend their vacation sightseeing, while others go to Yosemite to hike and climb mountains. Aaron and I want to find a place where we can sit on the beach all day and be served frothy drinks decorated with little paper umbrellas. In an ideal world, we would visit a beachside resort that could hook us up to a pina colada IV and occasionally spoon-feed us when we get hungry. Is that too much to ask?

Our laziness extends far beyond the actual honeymoon locale. We considered vacationing in Fiji, but a 13-hour flight sounds like an awful lot of work for only a few days of lying on the beach. Here are some other options we’ve thought about:

Jamaica. We have some Jamaican friends who assure us that they could get us some great deals on the island, but mixed reviews from other friends have left us ambiguous about this location. The word on the street is that some of the beaches can be a little rocky, and there are some concerning warnings on a few travel websites I’ve seen about walking around at night.

Hawaii. I’ve visited three of the Hawaiian Islands with my family, and we’ve had an amazing time on each trip. My college roommate is from Hawaii, so she’d be able to give us the insider’s perspective on what to do, but then again I will be in Hawaii in February for my cousin’s wedding and I’m not sure I want to fly there again a few months later. Plus, you can never count on the weather and Aaron feels like Hawaii is sort of the go-to location for honeymooners.

Tahiti. I’ve heard that the Tahitian beaches are incredible, although the 9-hour flying time from Los Angeles is slightly disconcerting. The New York Times notes that “traveling in the South Pacific can be trying under the best of circumstances.” There are supposedly a slew of activities—from snorkeling to shopping—but I think they’d probably be lost on us.

Mexico. Mexico is currently at the top of our list of potential honeymoon locations. I’ve been to Cancun and Puerto Vallarta, and Aaron has been to a few of the northern provinces for concerts, but we’re very interested in exploring areas like Riviera Maya or Los Cabos. We don’t want to go anywhere to “Spring Break-y”, but honestly, as long as I don’t see Girls Gone Wild cameras, I’m just fine with the more touristy areas.

Countdown to the wedding: 269 days (no, I did not go back in time – I apparently jumped the gun on the countdown for my previous post. Why can’t the wedding be NOW?)

The trip back to California this weekend was exhausting. A six-hour flight each way is not easy, especially if you suddenly and inexplicably develop a fear of flying in your early twenties. But it was all worth it just to get the chance to see both of our families after two long months apart. And we got some good planning done, as well.

The project at the top of our list was choosing a Save-the-Date announcement. Initially I invited Aaron along to help out, but then I thought the better of it and just went with my mom to the Papyrus in Los Gatos. There we were assisted by a very helpful sales associate named Thomas who answered all of our questions like, “Do you like the fleur-de-lis better in ‘wine’ or ‘berry’?” (I’m so glad I told Aaron to stay home and watch football).

Luckily, my mom had made a trip to Papyrus a few days earlier and narrowed the stationary providers down to one high-quality, moderately-priced company: Carlson Craft. I searched through Carlson Craft’s catalogue and saw a number of perky, colorful announcements that seemed a little more lighthearted than what I originally had in mind. I also had the idea of incorporating the “Grow old along with me” poem on the announcement, but with most cards the wording couldn’t be adjusted beyond adding the name of the bride and groom along with the date of their wedding.

That’s when we got the idea to use a magnet. This made sense for a number of reasons:
1. The wording could be changed as much as we liked
2. We could add a pretty black-and-white picture from our photo shoot
3. My best friend mailed out a save-the-date magnet and I kept it by my desk and looked at it every day. There was no way I was forgetting that wedding date.
4. I love our friends, but they are busy (read: occasionally flaky) people who might benefit from having a reminder they can interact with.

At first I was concerned about not having a save-the-date announcement that reflected the formality of the event, but Thomas explained that you want to save the formality – and the money—for the invitations, or else receiving that mailing will be anticlimactic and less memorable.

The picture is from the Carlson Craft website and depicts the model that we’re going to order. I’ll post the proof once I receive it from Thomas.

The invitation is your guests’ first glimpse into your wedding’s style, and, as the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression. I wanted an invite that truly represented me. It would have been ideal to find one that represented us, but I’d still be searching if I were set on that. I knew I didn’t want a traditional white wedding invite. I also didn’t want a traditional floral design. I wanted something modern, fun, and sophisticated all at once.

Apparently, that was a tall order. I flipped through books and books of invitations and scoured dozens of invitation designers’ Web sites. I rarely found anything appealing, but when I did, each invite cost $10. As much as I wanted to make that perfect first impression, I didn’t have the luxury of spending that much on pieces of paper. I considered going the DIY route–buying some shiny papers, printing them on my computer, and adding rhinestones and such–but my fear of creating bedazzled nightmares outweighed my desire to have a completely personalized invite.

One day at work, I saw a piece of stationery with this funky, stylized purple flower on it. It was such a cool design and, as ridiculous as it sounds, it really spoke to me. This was the aesthetic I wanted for my wedding. I tracked down the designer, the Chicago-based Tag & Company, and hoped and prayed that a. they could make me an invitation using this design, and b. I’d be able to afford it. Amazingly, they could make it and I could pay for it!

I researched wedding invite wordings. “So-and-so request the honor of your presence,” seemed too stiff for our party, but “requesting the pleasure of your company” seemed too informal. I wanted to make our guests feel special through the wording. We decided on starting with “Because you have shared in their lives with your friendship and love…” Next, I knew we needed to list the hosts’ names. We’re splitting the cost of the wedding with both sets of parents, so I guess we’re all the hosts! I added everyone’s names. I know it’s standard to list the parents with Mr. and Mrs. titles, but, again, that felt too stiff. Besides, if you’re invited to our wedding, you better be on a first name basis with one set of our parents! Then, I didn’t want any of that “would like you to witness the joining of hearts” garbage. We kept it simple. Come celebrate our marriage with us. The only other wording issue we encountered was whether to include my rarely-used middle name, Anne. I had always pictured it appearing on the invite, but Paul doesn’t have a middle name. I thought it might look weird if we included Anne, but, since there’s a space in between the “Di” and “Pilato” parts of Paul’s last name, it balanced out!

It was so much fun working with the designers. They gave us lots of paper, envelope, font, and color choices. And when they arrived at our apartment, I was so happy with how they turned out. Too bad we’re going to have to get them re-printed now that our location has changed. Sigh.

Countdown to the wedding: 159 days

This is going to be a busy week. I’ve just started a new job and Aaron and I are leaving on Friday for a trip to the Bay Area. I’m excited to get more wedding planning done and see a few friends while we’re out there, but I’m even more excited to sit on my couch and hang out with my cat Patches.

Unfortunately, I don’t know how much time I will be able to devote to that last activity – between interviewing videographers and catching up with my bridesmaids, Patches is probably going to have to wait for my trip home over the holidays.

Speaking of bridesmaids, Aaron and I need to get the measurements of our entire wedding party so we can start ordering the dresses and tuxes. It’s times like these that I’m especially glad we’re not having thirteen bridesmaids and groomsmen. We decided to have four attendants on either side of the altar (just family members and a family friend or two—we wanted to keep things simple and avoid making the rest of our friends feel bad).

Here’s the lineup:

Elise is my sister and my maid of honor. She’s been such an enormous help with all of the wedding planning so far. I’m so glad she’ll be standing next to me at the altar.

Janay has been my best friend since we were in Mrs. West’s fourth grade class in San Diego. I was so flattered that she chose me to be her maid of honor at her wedding this past summer. I can’t wait to hang out with her and her husband, Cameron, at the reception.

Eileen will be my new sister-in-law, and I couldn’t be happier! She has such a great sense of humor and I love spending time with her. She’ll be a freshman at Stanford in a few weeks.

Lindsay and I met in our freshman dorm in college, and we’ve been almost inseparable ever since. We were roommates after we both graduated and moved to San Francisco. I miss her!

Sylvan is Aaron’s youngest brother and his best man. He will graduate from Stanford the day after the wedding. It was so nice of him to share his special weekend with us—now his family doesn’t have to fly out from New Mexico twice in one summer, and Aaron and I get to share the same wedding anniversary as his parents.

Quentin is Aaron’s second-oldest brother. He lives in Boston with his wife, Megan, who has been so great about answering all of my silly wedding planning questions. Aaron and I attended their wedding after we had only been dating a few weeks. It was so fun to get to know his family better, and the wedding was the antithesis of a cookie-cutter event.

Justin is Aaron’s oldest brother. He and his girlfriend Helen recently came to visit us from Pittsburgh, and we had such a blast hanging out together. Aaron and I want to take a trip out to visit them soon.

Steven is my brother and he is so excited to be a groomsmen. He says that he’s just jazzed to be involved, but I think he’s also looking forward to walking down the isle with Lindsay!

From left to right: Sylvan, Aaron, Eileen, Me

Countdown to the wedding: 284 days

Last weekend Aaron and I decided to go shopping on Fifth Avenue for wedding bands. We had talked about buying our rings from Diamonds of Palo Alto, the friendly jewelry store that sold us our engagement rings, but we also thought it would be fun to look at what the big stores had to offer.

We eventually found ourselves at Tiffany, which sells far more than rings at their flagship store. The elevator men (one of them inside the elevator, and one on each of six floors) explained the offerings on each floor, which in addition to rings includes stationary, watches, bowls, vases, candlesticks, flatware, stemware, baby gifts, and bracelets—just to name a few.

It was Saturday and the store was crowded with tourists from around the world. We eventually got the attention of one of the people behind the counter and told him we were interested in looking at wedding bands. I explained that I want a wedding band that looks exactly like the lower part of the band on my engagement ring: white gold with microscopic beads along the border and tiny diamonds inset.

He came back with a platinum version in my size (five and a half) that was exactly as I had described. I tried it on and it looked beautiful next to my engagement ring. It even laid flat against the stone and scrolling, which was a pleasant surprise—many women with engagement rings like mine have to get a wedding band with a small dent in the top to accommodate the shape of the stone.

Even though my wedding band will be platinum or white gold, Aaron wants a traditional gold wedding band, a choice that I fully support. Both of our fathers have gold wedding bands, and the Tiffany jeweler said that it is exceedingly common for couples to have bands of different metals.

My one hesitation is that on a recent episode of “CSI: Miami” the forensics team knew that a woman was lying to them about being married to another character because their wedding bands didn’t match. But as long as Aaron and I don’t go on a killing spree and then pretend that we’re married to other people, I think we’ll be okay.

Anyway, back to the rings: we didn’t buy them that day, but we may go back to Tiffany and purchase them a few months from now. They are more expensive than what we would find at a smaller jewelry store, but there is something nice about knowing your wedding bands come from that famous Fifth Avenue store. Besides, doesn’t that old saying go, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something (Tiffany) blue”?

Image courtesy of Tiffany.com.