Just try to stop your parents from getting right on the phone or online to share the great news with everyone in the family. The excitement takes over, and Moms and Dads can’t wait to tell everyone they know that you’re getting married. That has been their role for years. But here are the new etiquette smarts to save some of the joy for you.

If one or both of you have children from a previous relationship, or if you’ve had children together before you decide to marry, your kids will be the first people you tell about your engagement.

You have so many people to thank for being an important part of your day, and they deserve something more than just one of your wedding favors. Especially if your parents have paid for the wedding, or have devoted their time, energy, contacts, ideas and skills (by crafting or cooking or hooking you up with their great contacts for a friendly discount) to help you get more wedding for less money, it’s a must to show them your appreciation with a great gift. In addition to the work they did for your wedding, you’re thanking them now for everything they’ve done for you in your lifetime.

Even in the most supportive sibling relationships, it’s natural for some degree of competition and comparison to exist. Siblings are the people who know us most intimately throughout our entire lives, from our earliest days through adolescence into adulthood. Siblings remember our most embarrassing moments, as well as our proud accomplishments. Getting engaged and planning a wedding is a transitional stage, when a major life change is about to occur. Even with support being their primary intention, it’s natural that engagement can push siblings’ buttons and reveal their own feelings and experiences about marriage.

Men may be from Mars, and women may be from Venus, but when you’re planning a wedding that will hopefully take place on the same planet, you need to figure out a way to communicate effectively with one another. And because a wedding involves so many people in your world—your parents, her parents, friends and family—now is the time to work on your communication skills with all parties involved.

Many of us see images of Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride” or her real-life counterpart Jennifer Wilbanks, who lied to police about being kidnapped in order to avoid her own wedding, when we think about cases of pre-wedding jitters gone overboard. While these examples are at the extreme edge, it is not uncommon for both women and men to can experience waves of fear, anxiety and dread as they plan for their upcoming nuptials.

Engagement is a time of joy and happiness—and can also be a time of stress and anxiety, as families adjust to new dynamics. Geographic separation can be a challenge in terms of making parents feel included in your planning process, so it’s important to acknowledge this obstacle up front. The following tips can help you to focus on the positive ways that you can build connection, despite the distances between you and extended family.

Bickering bridesmaids, bossy vendors, your mother’s unsolicited advice, your fiancé’s growing financial concerns—it’s enough to make any happy couple want to elope.  In an effort to keep everyone, from your future-in-laws to your family and friends, happy, you agree to whatever they suggest, ask, or demand.  When you can’t say “no,” planning your wedding can become an ongoing hassle that adds stress to an already stressful situation.  There’s a way to sidestep wedding-related stress and feel rested and excited as you begin life with your new husband.