The ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day. During the ceremony you will recite vows to one another that will legally bind you as husband and wife. Ceremonies vary in length and complexity. If you are a member of a church, you may be required to have a ceremony prescribed by the church. Other churches allow the bride and groom to have much in-put into the planning of the ceremony. If you are not having a church wedding, you have total control of the ceremony planning.

Wedding ceremonies can be held anywhere that two people, their witnesses, and the officiant choose to gather. It may be as simple as a visit to a judge’s chambers or it could be on a mountain top, beside a lake, in a cathedral, or anywhere in between. The ceremony can be performed by a member of the clergy, a judge, or a person who is licensed by your state to perform weddings. Most states require two witnesses to appear with the couple.

 A typical ceremony consists of the following parts:

• Opening remarks and presentation of the bride. After greeting guests, the officiant may ask “Who presents this woman to be married to this man?” If the bride will be escorted down the aisle by her father, mother, or another person, they will respond to the question with “I do,” “Her mother and I,” or “Her family does.”  If the bride prefers, this question can be omitted. If it is omitted, the groom will step forward and the bride’s escort will place her hand in the groom’s and the ceremony will proceed. If the bride prefers to enter by herself without an escort, then the question is omitted.
• Charge to the couple. The bride and groom will be asked if it is their intention to take the other person as their spouse. The purpose of this question is to determine that the bride and groom enter into the marriage of their own free will. It originates in an era when marriages were often arranged and a woman (and occasionally a man) may have been coerced into marriage against their will. If a couple writes their own vows, they may choose to omit this section.
• Exchange of vows. This is the legal portion of the ceremony, binding the couple as husband and wife. This should include some form of question to which the couple, by responding “I will” or “I do,” will in effect make a legal contract of marriage.
• Exchange of rings.
• Pronouncement of the couple as husband and wife followed by the kiss, the presentation of the couple, and the recessional.

In addition to the above items, couples may include songs, readings, candle lighting, and a unity candle or sand ceremony in their ceremony. In some denominations communion may be served, either to all of the guests or to only the bride and groom. If couples have children, the new spouse may make a vow to the children after the couple recites their vows to each other. Ethnic traditions can also be included.

Planning the ceremony: To plan the ceremony, the bride and groom will meet one or more times with the officiant (the person performing the ceremony) to decide what they want to include in the ceremony and the order of the activities. The officiant may give the couple a sample copy of the vows that he/she prefers to use. The couple may be able to change wording or add elements to personalize the service.

Planning the processional and recessional: The couple and their wedding coordinator will determine the order of seating of the mothers and grandparents and the order of entry and exit of the wedding party. This information, which will be used at the rehearsal, should be shared with the officiant, the musician/musicians, and the photographer so that everyone knows what will happen and how.  At most weddings, the following order occurs:

• Seating of grandparents – this can be omitted if the grandparents prefer to be seated early.
• Seating of mothers, beginning with seating of the step-mothers, if any, then the mother of the groom, with the groom’s father following. The mother of the bride is seated last.  

As you face the ceremony area, the groom’s family is seated on the right side of the center aisle with the bride’s family on the left side. If parents are divorced and remarried, the mother and her spouse sit in the front row or pew. The father and his spouse may sit with the mother or they may be seated directly behind her in the second row or pew. Grandparents can be seated with the parents or they can be seated in the third row.

• Entrance of the officiant and the groom. The groomsmen may enter with the groom or they can accompany the bridesmaids.
• Entrance of the bridesmaids beginning with the one who will stand the greatest distance away from the bride. They may be accompanied by the groomsmen or they may enter alone. If there are junior bridesmaids and/or junior groomsmen, they enter first.
• Entrance of the maid of honor, either with the best man or by herself.
• Entrance of the ring bearer and the flower girl/girls. They may walk together or the ring bearer may enter first if there is more than one flower girl.

Candle lighting: If the ceremony will be held in a church and the couple chooses to use candelabra, the candles need to be lighted. The couple can choose two people to serve as candlelighters or they can assign a bridesmaid and a groomsman to do it. The coordinator can also light the candles about 15 minutes before the ceremony begins.

The candles can be lighted at either of two times. They can be lighted first, before the entrance of the grandparents and the mothers, or the mothers can be seated and then the candlelighters can enter and light the candles.

Lighting the unity candle tapers: If a unity candle will be used, the side tapers are usually lighted by a representative of each family, typically the mothers of the bride and groom. If the candelabra are lighted first, before the entrance of the mothers, each mother, as she is escorted in, will go to the front, where she will light the appropriate taper from the candelabra before being seated. If the candles are lighted after the mothers are seated, then the mothers will stand and walk together to light the tapers. Many mothers prefer this method, since it allows them to enjoy the entire proceedings, including the candle lighting.

If candelabra are not used, the mothers will light the tapers by using matches or a lighter that has been previously placed on the table with the candles.

Recessional:  At the end of the ceremony, the officiant will introduce the couple as husband and wife. They will then exit, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer, and then the maid/matron of honor with the best man. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will follow in pairs.

If the mothers will be escorted out, the usher who will escort the mother of the bride should enter and escort her with the father following. A second usher should then enter to escort the mother of the groom, with the groom’s father following. Alternatively, the parents may stand and the fathers can escort their wives. The parents of the bride always exit first, followed by the parents of the groom. Two ushers should then dismiss guests by rows beginning with the front row or pew.

The couple should plan what they want to do after they have exited the ceremony. If there is no plan, they will be mobbed by the guests and forced into an impromptu receiving line, which can take valuable time. The couple can do several things, depending on their preference.

• They might form a receiving line to greet guests as they exit the ceremony or they might choose to re-enter the room and personally dismiss the guests by rows so that they have the opportunity to greet each person.
• If pictures will be taken after the ceremony, the couple, wedding party, and parents might exit into a nearby room where they will be out of sight of the guests. After the guests leave, the wedding party can quickly assemble for the photos.
• If the couple would like to make a grand exit, perhaps to a waiting limo, they can disappear into a room or around a corner while the guests line up. The wedding party and parents will be first to form the line as they exit. Guests will follow their lead. The bride might provide flower petals, dried herbs, bubbles, or bird seed to be tossed at the couple as they exit through the line of guests.

The rehearsal:  The wedding rehearsal usually occurs the day before the wedding, but may be held sooner depending on circumstances. Everyone in the wedding, including the parents, grandparents, and members of the wedding party, should be present. If the couple has a wedding coordinator, she/he will direct the rehearsal, using a copy of the master plan that the couple and the coordinator created. If there is no coordinator, the bride should have made a written plan which she will use to direct the rehearsal.

The plan will contain the order of seating of the parents and grandparents and by whom, and the order of the processional and recessional. By following the plan, the rehearsal will go quickly and smoothly.

Though it is helpful if the officiant attends the rehearsal, not all are willing to do so, and that is okay. The parents and the wedding party will be most interested in learning how they will get down the aisle and where they will stand or sit. The coordinator will instruct them and she/he will be present at the wedding to be sure that everything goes smoothly.

Couples have great flexibility in planning the various portions of their wedding ceremony, depending on the requirements of their church or officiant and their personal desires.  By taking the time to think through the various portions of the ceremony, the couple can create one that will be a reflection of their personalities, values, and beliefs.

Copyright © 2006 Glenna Tooman, Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC; all rights reserved

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