"Will you be my bridesmaid?" With that proposal a journey like no other begins. You're touched that your sister, cousin, or friend thought of you. And you're thrilled about the whirlwind of parties and planning that will ensue over the next several months. But as the initial excitement dies down, you've come to the realization that you don't know the first thing about being a competent bridesmaid. What exactly are you supposed to do?

    You should know that accepting the duties of a bridesmaid means giving your time, money, and patience. Being a bridesmaid is a truly wonderful experience. It's also been known to drive women crazy. Truth is, it's probably a little of both. So how do you do your best and keep your sanity? Here are a few helpful hints and tips.

Before the Wedding Day

"You want me to wear that?"

    Ahh, the dreaded bridesmaid dress. It's the single most important, and costly, aspect of being a bridesmaid. First of all, a bridesmaid is required to pay for her dress and shoes. This can sometimes amount to quite a financial contribution. So if you find yourself in a money bind, the best thing to do is to discuss your concerns with the bride. She may be able to help pay for the alterations, or in some cases, the whole dress itself.

    What if you hate it? Most maids can attest to a closet full of bridesmaid dresses that never saw the light of day again since the wedding. Luckily, most designers today are moving away from those hideous creations of yesteryear. But if you truly believe the dress simply isn't you, and there is a consensus among all the bridesmaids, you can choose to approach the bride with your suggestions and opinions. If it's still a no-go, bite your tongue, and remember the mantra, "It's her wedding, and whatever makes her happy." Related dress duties include making yourself available for fittings, picking up the dress, and shoe shopping. Big-day beauty applies to bridesmaids too, so expect to get your hair and makeup done professionally, depending on the bride's wishes. This could mean further expense and devoting more time to appointments.

Planning Guru

    During the wedding planning process, a bridesmaid's duties can be intensive or light. More likely, expect to pitch in with any detail — small or large. This means making phone calls, confirming reservations, or doing an Internet search or two.

    Showers and other parties form the biggest part of bridesmaid planning. Bridesmaids must attend all parties, showers and the rehearsal dinner (You only have to bring one gift if there are multiple celebrations, though). Help with gathering the guest list, invitations, and favors. You might even become the point person and have a major hand in choosing the site and taking care of food and decorations on the occasion.

Wedding Day

    Arrange to be at the bridal site on time (of course). Be prepared to help the bride, maid of honor, parents, and others. Helping the bride dress is a very important part of the big day. Is there a run in someone's stocking? Be ready to dash out to the corner drug store to pick up a spare. The important thing is to keep cool. Most likely the bride will be a jumble of nerves and she'll need all of you to be her rock.

    Traditional etiquette calls for the bridesmaid to stand to the left of the maid of honor during the receiving line. After the ceremony, you may have to attend to small details, such as cleanup. You might want to make a quick survey of guests, see if they know directions to the reception (if its off-site), if anyone needs a ride, or any special situations.

    At the reception, remember to enjoy yourself — you've earned it! But the work's not quite over yet — mingle with guests, transport gifts for the couple, even save a slice of the cake the bride didn't have time to sample. Again, be open and willing to help out. And then it's time to catch the bouquet!

    As a member of the bridal party, you're in "the club." You've been given a special privilege and a place in the biggest day of the bride and groom's new life. When the wedding day arrives, you've been there for the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Cherish the honor, enjoy the day, and have fun.

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