You've played the role of bride before, so you think you know the drill. But as you begin drafting your to-do list, you find yourself slipping into unfamiliar territory. Is the taboo against wearing another gown of white just an old wives' tale? What's the protocol for getting children involved in the festivities? Do you really need the array of wedding gifts generally bestowed on first-time brides? Well, you can shelve your worries because according to JoAnn Gregoli, proprietor of the NY/NJ/CT tri-state-area-based Elegant Occasions, Inc., generally-accepted remarriage etiquette says that almost anything goes.

   Divorce is common, so our society no longer views remarriage as the curse it did years ago. Gregoli, a member of the Association of Bridal Consultants, says it's your call and you should do what's comfortable for you. For example, while wearing a white gown was once taboo for second weddings, this practice is acceptable today. In fact, Gregoli says older, sophisticated brides can choose among a variety of colors in addition to white. And although encore brides continue to refrain from donning veils which still imply virginity, one can't help but wonder when this, too, will change due to the popularity of living together pre-maritally.

   There's also no taboo against who gives an encore bride away at the ceremony. Gregoli says you're free to choose among your father, a child or a friend, or even to walk down the aisle alone.

   Because divorce and remarriage often means inheriting new children in addition to any children you might have, "the secret to second-time marriages is the blending of families," says Gregoli. In her work, Gregoli has seen children fulfill different functions at the wedding — from flower girl to ring bearer to giving the bride away. One event that stands out in Gregoli's memory is a wedding where the bride walked down the aisle with all of her children to meet the groom at the altar where he was lined up with all of his children. Allowing kids to participate in the wedding ceremony is a good first step towards making them feel accepted and involved.

   Gregoli says the rise of remarriages and interfaith marriages popularized the role of travelling ministers who perform on-site weddings. Couples of the Catholic and Jewish faiths cannot remarry within their church or synagogue, and they may find the civil ceremonies performed by judges a bit too dry for their tastes. So, enlisting a travelling minister is a perfect option for those who want a memorable occasion that recognizes their religious faith.

   Another popular trend that Gregoli sees is more creativity and personalization of the ceremony itself the second-time around, with poems, psalms and other activities of special meaning taking center stage.

   The "anything goes" theme also applies to the wedding reception and wedding gifts. The location and size of the reception is up to you, as is the choice of registering with a bridal registry. Gregoli says that many mature brides who are independently settled, or are already living together with their intended, skip the registry and instead arrange for guests to make contributions to a favorite charity organization in lieu of wedding gifts.

SOURCES:

JoAnn Gregoli
Member, Association of Bridal Consultants
Elegant Occasions, Inc.
100 Park Avenue, #1600
New York, New York 10017
(212) 704-0048