Planning and organizing your wedding can be one of the most fun—and one of the most stressful processes of your life. Acknowledging the stressful part of it up front is actually one of the most important ways that you can help to stay calm and centered throughout your wedding planning. Keep in mind that your wedding planning involves dealing with a number of different stressful issues, all at the same time! From managing your budget (money issues are stress triggers for most people) to dealing with the emotions and expectations of your family members (who even when very happy for you are also dealing with their own emotional issues around weddings and marriage) to dealing with a lot of work and brain energy as you make decisions about every aspect of your wedding day, you have a lot on your plate in the time between your engagement and honeymoon. But don’t give up and plan to elope…there are ways to make your wedding planning less stressful and more manageable. Below are some tips to help you get to your wedding day without freaking out!

1. Plan for Stress: Going into your wedding planning with open eyes will allow you to be pro-active. Choose ways to help you manage the stress you are feeling or that you know may come. For some people, this may be seeking out a weekly yoga class; for others, it may be about focusing on eating extra well and getting plenty of rest. Exercise is also a great way to manage extra stress. Make time in your day, between balancing work and wedding planning, to take a walk or watch a funny video. Keep your perspective—read a newspaper, listen to music, talk to a friend…about anything except the wedding.

2. Keep your eyes on the prize: Although planning for your wedding day does require a lot of work, don’t forget that your wedding is only one day and your marriage, hopefully, will be for the rest of your life. Many couples get so bogged down in wedding details and stress that they start to bicker and take out their angst on each other. While some degree of this is inevitable, take steps to work on your relationship, not wear it down. Talk to your officiant about pre-marital counseling; taking the time for these sessions can be a fundamental strengthener for your marriage.

3. Acknowledge others peoples’ “stuff”: When friends and family (and even the grocery store clerk) find out that you are engaged, people begin regaling you with good wishes…and also stories that you may not always want to hear. Many people are not able to separate your good news form their own expectations and disappointments. Perhaps your mother’s wedding day did not go as she had hoped and she has always awaited your wedding to create the “perfect day.” Or perhaps you have a number of friends who have gone through break-ups or divorces and are feeling down about relationships in general. Keep in mind that other people may have reactions to your wedding that are about their own “stuff” and should not influence your decisions or emotions. If someone close to you is trying to impose their desires for your wedding onto you, just be clear and calm and let them know that while you appreciate their input, you have your own vision and ideas for your wedding day. The clearer you are about your intentions, the less their “stuff” can get to you.

4. Organize the work of it all: Planning a contemporary wedding is stressful. From finding the right vendors to choosing a site and staying within your budget as you go, you have a lot to manage. Most brides and grooms today are both working and maybe also going to school while trying to plan their weddings. The best thing that you can do to stay on top of your wedding planning while you are staying on top of everything else in your life is to create a plan. Buy a good organizer and break down what steps you need to take when. Delegate tasks to friends and family when you are able.

5. Make time as a couple: Even with everything you’ve got on your plate, don’t forget to make time for each other that has nothing to do with wedding planning. It may be a phone call during the day just to say hello, a glass of wine and massage in the evening, a bike ride on the weekends. At times during the wedding planning process, you may feel so stressed that you lose the “spark” of romance that brought you together in the first place. Go back to the idea that the marriage is priority over the wedding, and make sure to make time to just forget about wedding details and enjoy one another. It will really help you get through and enjoy the day.

6. Face your emotions: As your wedding approaches, you may experience a range of uncomfortable emotions. This is natural; you are about to make the biggest commitment of your life and fears and doubts are natural. As your wedding approaches, issues connected to your own parents’ marriage or to past relationships may surface. This is a time when you may feel supported by seeking out a psychotherapist. Talking to a professional can help you to distinguish between natural “cold feet” and really significant issues that you may wish to explore. It is always healthier emotionally to enter marriage knowing what issues you are carrying.

7. Seek out positive people: You know the ones—people who make you smile by just being around. During stressful times, turn to the really positive people in your life for support. Think about what roles they can play in your wedding, so that you are literally surrounded by positive energy during your ceremony. Friends or family members who continually drain you need to be held at bay. Keep your own energy strong and fresh by staying around people who look on the bright side of things.  

8. Face the inevitable: Something will go wrong. Your wedding day may be perfect in every detail—after all, it is being put together by human beings, and none of us is perfect. Your cake toppers may fall off. Your hot hors d’oeuvres may be lukewarm. The band may play a song that you told them not to. Your photographer may forget to get a picture that was on your list of moments not to miss. Your maid of honor may drink too much and make a really embarrassing toast. Laugh it off. Keep in mind that your marriage to come will include lots of not perfect moments. The more that you are able to be flexible and accept that, the more likely that your marriage will succeed. Your wedding day will be absolutely terrific and enjoyable, despite any flaws that happen. Celebrate the day, your love for each other, the joy of being surrounded by family friends. Too many people get so caught up in the forest of details that they absolutely lose the trees.

Don’t be one of them. Your wedding day will be over before you know it…so do your best to enjoy it. The stress management techniques that you learn during your wedding planning process will continue to help you in all aspects of your personal and professional day from this moment on.