Just try to stop your parents from getting right on the phone or online to share the great news with everyone in the family. The excitement takes over, and Moms and Dads can’t wait to tell everyone they know that you’re getting married. That has been their role for years. But here are the new etiquette smarts to save some of the joy for you:

•It’s perfectly okay for you to let your parents know which relatives you want to personally call or visit with your news. Just say, “I know you can’t wait to share the great news with everyone. Just so you know, I’m planning to call Grandma, Aunt Millie, and Aunt Rose tomorrow…I just can’t wait to hear their reaction when I tell them.” Clear communication is key to great etiquette, and ensures that you get at least some of the fun in surprising your relatives with your great news.

•Your groom may also let his parents know whom he would like to call within his family.

•Important relatives who should be told first: siblings, nieces and nephews, grandparents, godparents, favorite aunts and uncles, and even family friends who are like grandparents or aunts and uncles to you. These are the people who would feel slighted, quite understandably, if they were to hear about your engagement second-hand. Honor their important positions in your lives by making sure they’re among the first to know.

•Acknowledge that your parents making their excited phone calls is welcome by you. You want them to have fun too, and you’ll put them at ease by letting them know you’re not going to be an attention-hound or a control freak about that. You’ve made your requests, and the rest is up to them. Then sit back and get ready for all the congratulations to roll in.

•And of course, you can send out an e-mail to all of your relatives, sharing your great news. Include a picture from the night of your proposal if you wish. This way, even if Mom has called everyone she knows, you still remain gracious and thoughtful in informing all of your relatives.

One word of warning about letting your family know about your engagement when they’re all gathered together. Never, ever impose on someone else’s celebration – such as a wedding or an anniversary party they’re hosting – to make your announcement. It’s their big day, not yours, and people get really sensitive about sharing the spotlight. It would be rude of you to use their event as your big moment. Unless they strongly encourage you to. Some very gracious hosts do decide on their own that yes, it would add to the festivities if everyone were to celebrate your good news as well. But you must be invited to make your announcement. Never ask for permission from a party’s host, as you don’t want them to sheepishly agree and then feel manipulated or obligated later. Some newly-engaged couples decline a host’s invitation to make their announcement, very considerately honoring the guests of honor at that party. Assure the host that while you appreciate the offer, you’d rather wait.

A word of warning…if you’re at a wedding or an anniversary party or a birthday party and the host really encourages you with ‘Sure, go ahead and share your good news!’ or offers to make the announcement for you, make sure you double-check with the guests of honor first. One couple says, “ We made a huge mistake in accepting an invitation to share our good news at the end of my cousin’s wedding. Her mother encouraged us, but the bride was so incredibly angry that we used even part of her reception as our own celebration too. A lot of guests felt that way, and some people still think we’re rude. It was a huge mistake we regret.”