If one or both of you have children from a previous relationship, or if you’ve had children together before you decide to marry, your kids will be the first people you tell about your engagement. Even before your parents. This too is a sign of respect to them, and it’s a very meaningful gesture that assures the kids that they’re the most important people in your world. It would be a terrible mistake to hide your news from your kids, even if your intentions are good. Perhaps you think the kids might take the news with difficulty, so you’ll hold off. If your kids hear the news from others, such as a grandparent who didn’t know you were planning to tell your son or daughter later, that hurts. Kids of blending families are already frightened of being ‘replaced’ by a new spouse or his or her kids. Finding out that you kept a secret this big…kids don’t handle that well.

•Tell all of the kids together, at one time and in one place.

•Don’t tell the older kids first, and then ask them to keep quiet until you can tell the younger kids. That’s a conflict waiting to happen.

•Make your announcement a family event. Have a special dinner or dessert to celebrate.

•If the news shocks or upsets your kids initially, that wouldn’t be unusual. Change is hard for some children, so you may even find yourselves spending a lot of time talking with your kids about your engagement and answering their questions about how life will be in the future before you take the next step in informing your parents and friends. It’s a wise move to care for your kids’ reactions before the flurry of relatives’ and friends’ congratulations and excited visits come pouring in.