Wedding planning may still be a bride's ball game, but nowadays grooms play many more innings. "In less than 20 years, the groom's responsibility has shifted from '... get me to the church on time...' (his only obligation) to 'How much is the church going to cost me?,'" says Deborah McCoy, a professional wedding consultant and the author of four bridal books.

   As more couples host their own weddings, the role of the groom has changed, with him helping and supporting the bride more than ever. The groom can expect to help negotiate contracts, interview the band, and coordinate the male members of his bridal party and the formal wear. "Realistically, how he plans takes a backseat to what she (the bride) wants. He should, however, lessen her load, handle all the honeymoon details and be her emotional and physical support," says McCoy.

   The groom should make sure his family is fulfilling their obligations. If the bride's family is contributing to the wedding and the groom's family isn't (and they're able to), then it's his responsibility to see that they do their fair share. "So many times brides say, 'His family hasn't even offered to help and they're far better off than my family. Is there some way we can ask them?,'" according to McCoy. "It's not we," it's him. They're his family and his problem."

   Grooms should generally serve as the go-between with his family and the bride as well, especially if awkward news such as cutting the guest list needs to be discussed. "Counselors tell us that as early as possible it is important for couples to establish their autonomy as couples and to kindly present the rules under which the new family they are forming will operate. Communication throughout the whole wedding process is really important," says Marg Stark, author of What No One Tells The Bride. Wedding planning should never be haphazard, so couples should start planning their entire wedding from the day they're engaged. "Because guys often operate on 'guy time,' I caution brides who are on wedding overdrive to check in with their future hubbies about the tasks the grooms have to take on," says Stark. "Otherwise you may find a groom calling around about tuxes two days before the BIG day."

   "In all honesty, I was sometimes lax in getting things done," confirms newlywed Ted Sullivan of Massachusetts. "(My wife) Dawn did the majority of the work and organization. She also needed to push me along sometimes to make sure I made the calls I was supposed to make when I needed to make them."

   MetLife Consumer Education Center offers a series of Life Advice brochures, including "Getting Married." For a free copy, call 1-800-METLIFE.

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