The children of the bride and/or groom may want to play a part in hosting the shower as well. And that’s a wonderful touch to the meaning of the day, as well as a great way to let the child feel like she’s a big part of the plans. Depending on the child’s age, it’s up to you to determine how they’ll play their part, and what they can handle. Planning a shower is a big job, but it’s made up of lots of little tasks that a child of any age will be able to treat like a project or game. From helping with the food to making the favors to planning the music and games, there’s lots for the kids to do!

Another benefit of the kids-as-cohosts shower is that it bonds the kids. When soon-to-be-stepsisters work together on any of the shower details, they get to know each other better, they learn to cooperate, share ideas, and learn more about each other’s talents. That can be a great start to unifying the family, since the kids are working on something very important together.

Before you start handing out assignments to the kids, keep the following tips in mind:

• Be sure the child wants to be a part of the plans first! Sometimes, a well-meaning parent or grandmother will tell you to include the child, but she’s at that age where she’d rather do anything but help set up a party for adults. Talk with the child, see what she wants to do or is able to do, and go from there.

• Make age-appropriate suggestions for what the child can do to help out. A teenager might be thrilled about filling out invitations or making favors, while a five year-old can put the sprinkles on the dessert cupcakes.

• An older child can help out in a greater way, perhaps helping to choose a fun theme that everyone will enjoy, planning the menu, shopping for party supplies, helping to set up, and choosing a great gift for the bride and groom.

• The child can be the ‘surprise’ lure, saying that she has a birthday party to go to and that Moms are encouraged to stop in as well. Then, the mom finds out the shower is for her!

• Even if the child is very young and isn’t able to help out in a grand capacity, it’s still a great idea to list her name among the other hosts. It’s the child’s all-important enthusiasm and the smallest of efforts that counts!

• If you’re truly open-minded, you can let the child choose the theme of the party. I’ve heard from many soon-to-be-brides who say that they thought their eight year-old’s Barbie-themed party was great for the child as well as a blast for all of the guests…who, incidentally enjoyed Barbies in their own childhood days. “We couldn’t believe the new types of Barbies, accessories, houses, cars, and clothing that’s out there now!” says one happy bride whose daughter Samantha brought out her every Barbie toy for the guests to play with. “The other hosts were nervous at first, but it was hysterical to see my aunts doing the Barbie workout and everyone wearing Sammie’s Barbie gear. It really was a return to girlhood, and it made for a great shower. Sammie was on top of the world!”

• Kids can play a part in a less childlike theme as well. Perhaps they can accompany you to the beach to pick up seashells and starfish for a beach theme party, or collect pinecones and pumpkins for an autumn theme. Keep the tasks simple and fun, and you may just have more of a willing assistant.

• One highlight of a child-hosted shower is that the child might add her own performance to the party. She might perform a hula dance at your luau, or do her big dancing school number for the crowd. Kids, of course, love the spotlight, so it’s a great idea to allow her one or two numbers and then get on with the rest of the party.

• Keep in mind, though, that kids are fickle and may not follow through with the tasks they’ve promised to help with. Stagefright can hit the little ones, and some children change their minds like the wind. The only answer to this is for you to be flexible, expect that the child might pull out of her agreement to do the favors, wrap the gift, fill out nametags, etc. When the big day approaches and the guests are filing into the party room, that child – depending on her age – might just freeze and second-guess her own abilities to do a good job. So as hostess, you can defuse the situation by allowing her an easy out, or giving her a less-pressure job to fulfill.

• One great idea for the child-hosted shower is to display wonderful pictures of the bride with her child or children, perhaps as a centerpiece at an entryway table, or by the cake. This gesture is a wonderful tribute to the bride as mom, spotlights the kids, and just shows their wonderful bond as a group.

• If it’s a co-ed party, then let the couple’s sons play a part too. One couple from New Jersey wrote to tell me how their three grade-school boys acted as sports activity directors for the earlier hours of the party, leading everyone outside to either play or watch them play in a game of kickball. Most guests got involved, the boys were having fun, and it was a great addition to the late-fall party to start the evening off with a quick kid-led activity, followed by a barbecue they also enjoyed.

• Even if the kids aren’t playing a big part in the plans, be sure that the games and the menu are child-appropriate. As a successful shower host, you’ll need to make sure that all of your guests will have fun.

• Still want to play those adults-only games or tribute videotapes, even with kids on the guest list? Here’s a simple solution: plan to have the kids go into another room to watch a child-appropriate movie or enjoy a supervised activity halfway through the shower. Once the little ones eagerly clear out to watch Harry Potter, the adult guests can get on with the more mature portions of the party. This option works well for the gift-opening session of the shower, as little ones might be bored (if not jealous) during that process.

• Or…if you’d rather not send the kids out of the room, thinking the party just wouldn’t be complete without them, let the kids help unwrap the gifts! If you have one or two little ones on the guest list, they can rip through that wrapping paper faster than anyone else! Which can be a great thing for the guests, as it speeds up that often very long gift-opening session.

• As a ‘reward’ for their help with opening the gifts, the children themselves might get a sizeable gift of their own at the end of the process. Imagine their surprise when they open yet another box and find the toy they’ve always wanted!