We’ve been in the wedding business a long time, and we’ve heard all the wedding planning mistakes you can imagine. Usually, mistakes come from impulse buys, losing your cool and saying the wrong thing, not doing enough research before booking experts, not being organized, and more. But when it comes to second weddings, there are some mistakes that are unique to that category…mistakes you want to avoid for your second wedding. So let us save you some headaches and regrets by lining up the top missteps:

1. Worrying about old-world etiquette. Yes, you can wear white if you wish to. Yes, you can have a bridal shower and you can register for gifts. Check out our article on 2nd wedding etiquette here for more details, and be relieved that there are very few old-world don’t that apply anymore. A second wedding is in every way free for personalization; it can be like a first-time wedding. So if your relatives are judging your decisions based on decades-old beliefs, you can tell them that the rules have changed, and you’re free to plan your wedding exactly as you wish. That leads us to…

2. Worrying about what other people think. Who cares what anyone else’s opinion is? It’s your wedding! Usually, you’ll get this one from a parent who worries about what other people will think based on old world etiquette. So you already know not to bother with that. People are going to have their opinions, jealousies, judgments and worries about what you do, and there’s not much you can do about that. As another relief: people aren’t thinking about your wedding as much as you are, so don’t make the mistake of assuming that anything will offend anyone. Most brides and grooms are happy to find that even their most critical wedding guests were delighted by their unique wedding plans.

3. Trying to do everything different than the first wedding. Of course, you won’t want the exact same wedding in the exact same place, but you infused your first wedding with elements of your style and beliefs, so that doesn’t change for this one. So don’t put pressure on yourself to have nothing similar. Some couples go way too far to distance themselves from memories of the first wedding, and that winds up making the focus be too much on the first wedding! You shouldn’t be thinking about that…you should focus on your relationship and which wedding day elements will be the best for you as a couple.

4. Not registering for gifts. Guests want to know what you need, so even if you think you have all the household items possible, it’s best to sign on for other items you can use. It’s a mistake to be overly-concerned that guests gave you presents for your first wedding and you don’t want to burden them now. They’re going to bring gifts when they come to a wedding. That’s a given. So give them the guidance they want by signing on for your choice of registries, perhaps even at home improvement stores for supplies for that addition you want to put on your house, charitable registries, honeymoon registries, for sporting goods such as at www.rei.com, for luggage (to replace your old beat-up ones), for lawn furniture, and more. It’s nice of you to be considerate of your guests’ finances, but in this case it’s not necessary to deny yourselves the chance to get gifts you can use. You don’t want to end up with lots of gifts that aren’t your style.

5. Making any reference to the first wedding during the ceremony or toasts. Just pretend it didn’t happen. Some people show their insecurity by joking, ‘maybe this one will last,’ but that joke falls flat and just embarrasses the toast-maker. And especially if you have kids, it’s wise to focus only on the love and happiness of this day.

6. Not including the kids. This is a new union for them too, so make sure you find a way to include them in the ceremony and the planning. Some parents worry that their kids aren’t adjusting well to the thought of a new step-parent, so they think it would be smarter to ‘spare them the exposure’ to the wedding. But it’s actually quite smart to ask for their ideas, include them, and honor them during the ceremony and reception. This shows them that they have value, that you’re not ignoring them (as some kids do feel in this situation), that the new step-parent wants to honor them, and it often makes for a great time of family bonding. The transition is smoother for them when they’re involved. Just be sure to ask them what they’d like to do. A teen, for instance, might be so surly about this change in his or her life that the last thing he or she wants is to be told to participate and enjoy it.

Check out the Pash forums for members’ second-wedding stories and advice…and perhaps even some warnings about making mistakes!