What it is: Showers are thrown to do just that -- “shower” the bride with love, well wishes, and lots and lots of gifts. Traditionally, the whole point of a bridal shower was for the women in a bride’s life to get together and send her off into married life fully armed with all the household necessities she’d need when she became a wife.

How they’ve changed: “Jack and Jill” showers – or “couple’s showers” – are becoming more and more popular. By inviting both men and women, these modern events recognize that the bride won’t be the only one using her new household gifts and gadgets. Also, many couples are marrying later in life or for the second time. While some think it’s inappropriate to throw a shower for an encore bride, most of the time her friends will be eager to host one anyway. If a second-time bride or a late-in-life bride already has everything she and her hubby will need for their home, a gift-giving theme is often in order. Guests will be encouraged to bring something to fit the theme – say, lingerie, things for the honeymoon, bar tools (often called a “stock the bar” party) or outdoor entertaining goods (called a “patio party”).

Who hosts: In many cases, the maid/matron of honor hosts the bridal shower. Oftentimes the entire bridal party will pitch in. Non-wedding party friends sometimes take on hosting duties, too. Etiquette says that a shower should never be hosted by a very close relative of the bride. The idea behind this is that it’s inappropriate for someone so close to the bride to ask for gifts for her. However nowadays, if no one else is hosting, many moms, sisters, aunts and grandmas step in.

Who's invited: The first rule of thumb when drawing up a guest list is that everyone who is invited to the bridal shower must be invited to the wedding. (The only exception to this rule is when coworkers throw a shower for the bride and her office mates.) All close female friends and relatives of the bride should be invited. Beyond that it’s really up to the host to determine how big she wants the party to be. If she can afford a huge bash and thinks the bride will enjoy one, then she can invite every woman invited to the wedding. If she’s thinking of something more intimate, just the closest friends and relatives will do.

Keep in mind that multiple showers for one bride are becoming very common – especially when the bride and groom’s families live in different parts of the country. If there will be more than one shower, the hosts should communicate with one another to ensure that they aren’t inviting too many of the same people. It’s acceptable to invite very close friends and relatives to more than one shower – for instance the mothers of the bride and groom should be invited to all showers. But in many cases inviting someone to more than one or two showers is considered inappropriate. It’s like asking for two or three gifts from that person. If several shower hosts wish to invite some of the same guests, they should make it clear to each guest that he or she is not expected to give a gift at each event.

When it takes place: Typically showers are held one or two months before the wedding. But they can be held sooner or later if coordinating dates with out-of-town friends and family proves difficult. Showers are generally weekend lunches, but can be held any time of day.

Where it takes place: A shower can take place anywhere. The only requirement is that each guest have a view of the bride opening gifts. For this reason, usually small, intimate venues work best. The host’s home, a restaurant, or a small party hall are all great venues. 

What to serve: This, obviously, depends on when and where the shower will be held. Since most showers are lunches or brunches, usually a light meal is served, followed by a cake or other dessert. Alternatively, some hosts choose to throw a tea party, complete with a variety of teas, finger sandwiches, scones, etc. A dessert shower is also a sweet idea. This is usually a late afternoon affair where heaps of sugary confections are on the menu.

What to expect: For a surprise shower, guests will arrive 30 minutes to an hour before the bride. This gives everyone a chance to get there before the bride is expected. Once the bride arrives, she will greet the guests, making sure to say hello to everyone. Then the food is served and the ceremonies begin. For many showers, the gift opening takes up almost the entire party. The host will sometimes have all the guests play a game to help break the ice. The party usually winds down with cake and the bride making her rounds again to chat and thank everyone for their generosity.

How to personalize: A shower is most fun when it’s geared specifically towards bride’s tastes and preferences.
 
- Games: Shower games are fun for the fun-loving party girl bride, but should be nixed if the bride is more shy and reserved. Some common games include Shower Bingo where the bride’s registry is used to make bingo cards with a gift in each square. The order the bride opens the gifts determines the winner; and “How Well Does the Bride Know Her Groom” where the bride is asked questions about the groom and guests guess how many she’ll get right.

- Themes: Gift-giving themes are also fun and can be planned according to the couple’s needs. If you’re a host, think about the bride’s likes and hobbies. Does she spend her free time scrapbooking or love collecting photos? If so, throw a scrapbook shower where guests bring old photos of themselves with the bride and make scrapbook pages for her while she opens gifts. Is the guest of honor an adventure seeker? Name tables after extreme sports and chip in to get her and her hubby-to-be a bungee jumping or parachuting session. Is she going to Hawaii on her honeymoon, throw a luau complete with grass skirts, leis and tiki torches and ask each guest to bring a beach themed gift (sarongs, guidebooks, hotel gift certificates, etc.)

- Favors: These little trinkets given as a thank-you to each guest are a fun way to recognize the bride’s tastes. Give chocolate bars wrapped with the bride’s name and the shower date for a chocoholic bride. Or Jordan almonds for a bride of Italian heritage (these are an Italian tradition). One bride we know loved Mexican food so her favors were red and green candies in a cone shaped bag – shaped to look like a chili pepper – the lunch was all Mexican food too, of course!

- Cake: The cake is as much a dessert as it is a decoration. Ice it in the bride’s favorite colors or decorate it to fit the shower theme. Make sure the flavors fit her tastes. Is she a cheesecake lover? If so, serve a cheesecake. One bride we know loved making and decorating cupcakes for every party she attended, so her shower hostesses served a tier of cupcakes instead of a cake.