What it is: An engagement party is a fete thrown in honor of a newly engaged couple. Since weddings often take place a year or more after the proposal, an engagement party gives friends and family a chance to immediately congratulate and toast the newly betrothed pair. They can be small, impromptu shindigs or elaborate affairs.
How they’ve changed: Originally engagement parties were thrown with the purpose of announcing an engagement. The bride’s parents would host a gathering, often a dinner party, for the couple and their closest friends and family. Then, during the evening, the father of the bride would announce the news. These days news of an engagement usually spreads like wildfire as soon as it happens (thanks to instant messaging, email, texting and cell phones). The engagement party is thrown as a more formal way of congratulating the couple.
Who hosts: Traditionally, the parents of the bride host the engagement party. But anyone who wants to honor the couple can put together a little soiree. If several people are interested in hosting, it is perfectly appropriate for more than one engagement party to the thrown. For instance, your boss may want to host after-work drinks for you and your coworkers; your parents may want to throw a big party for all your friends and family; and your college buddies may want to get the old gang together for a little barbecue in your honor.
Who's invited: As with all pre- and post-wedding parties, everyone invited to the engagement party must be invited to the wedding. The immediate families of both the bride and groom should be invited, as should the bride and groom themselves, of course. Unlike showers, it’s acceptable to invite the same people to as many engagement parties as you’d like. (The reason it is unacceptable for showers is because they are gift-giving occasions. Inviting the same person to more than one is like asking for several gifts.)
When it takes place: Engagement parties should be held shortly after the proposal. Usually within one to three months. If the betrothed will be having a short engagement, about six months or less, then an engagement party isn’t really necessary or appropriate. For especially long engagements it’s ok to host the party a little later than three months from the time the couple gets engaged, as long as it’s not too close to the wedding date. Keep in mind that engagement parties aren’t really a necessity. No pre- or post- wedding party is, really, but engagement parties are the one event that many couples will skip. If getting something together within the three month window isn’t feasible, there’s no problem with nixing the event altogether.
Where it takes place: There are no rules about where an engagement party should happen. They can be formal affairs complete with live music and sit down meals; beachside clambakes; backyard luaus or cocktail parties. The location, level of formality and size of the party is entirely up to the person hosting.
What to serve: This depends, of course, on the location and time of the event. For a casual lunch, sandwiches and salads are perfect; for a formal evening event try more elegant fare – maybe filet mignon. Serve seafood at a beachside event; sandwiches at a picnic party; and passed hors d’oeuvres at a cocktail party.
What to expect: For starters, it should be noted that engagement parties are not gift-giving events. No guests should be expected to come bearing presents, nor should registry information ever be included in the invitation (the only time it’s appropriate for registry details to be included with an invite is when it’s for a shower). That said, many attendees will want to give the bride and groom a little token to help them start their journey into married life.
How to personalize: Here are a few fun ways to add to the engagement party fun by including details that honor the couple.
-Games: Play a fun question and answer game such as “How well do you know the couple?” Ask a list of questions about the couple’s history and have each guest write down his or her answers. Ask things like, “In what year did the bride and groom meet?”; “Where did they first meet?”; and “What is ‘their song’?” The person with the most correct answers wins a prize!
-Themes: How did the couple meet? This is usually a great place to start when coming up with a theme. Did they meet at a bar? If so, have the party at a pub and pass around the same beverages the couple was drinking that fateful night. Did they meet at a Halloween party? Throw a costume engagement party – no matter what time of year it is. College sweethearts? Throw an alumni bash where everyone wears gear from the college they attended. A theme can also be centered around the couple’s hobbies. Are they both avid basketball fans? Have the party at a sports bar where you can all watch the games. Do they both love hiking? Have everyone complete a walk-a-thon together and then get together for drinks and food afterwards.
-Favors: These little trinkets can also honor the couple’s hobbies or history. If the bride- and groom-to-be met rock climbing give out paperweights that look like stones. Did the to-be-weds fall in love while taking a cooking class together? Heart shaped cookie cutters are a great little take-home treat. Do they both love gardening? Fill miniature terra cotta pots with candies. Or, instead of looking to the past, favors can also symbolize the couple’s future together. Maybe a save-the-date magnet or other gift with the upcoming big day printed on it. Or something that gives a nod to where the couple will honeymoon or live. For instance, if they’ll be moving to New York after the wedding, miniature Statue of Liberties make a fun gift. If they’re planning a destination wedding in the Bahamas, hand out flip flops with the wedding date written on them.
-Cake: The sweet treat at the end of the party should, of course, be in the bride- and groom-to-be’s favorite flavors. Try finding other ways to make the cake all about them. Have it shaped it in their alma mater’s logo. Or have their engagement photograph added to the he top of a sheet cake or cookies (this can be done with edible paper). Or skip cake altogether and serve a dessert that holds meaning to the couple. Did the groom-to-be propose by hiding a ring at the bottom of an ice cream sundae – serve sundaes in the same flavor. For added fun hide plastic engagement rings at the bottom of each.
