While dealing with all of the stress that comes with wedding planning, couples can make choosing their gift registry into an enjoyable respite from their anxiety. When else do you get to go to your favorite department and specialty stores and just dream about what items you’d most like to have—knowing that many of them will, indeed, be purchased for you? The following ten tips can help you and your fiancée get maximum pleasure and minimal angst out of the process of creating your perfect guest registry.
1. Think Everyday
In years gone by, it was traditional for a wedding registry to include china, crystal and silverware. Times have changed, and because our society is much less formal now, many couples opt to leave china off of their registry altogether. It’s important to talk with your fiancée about whether or not this is an important priority for you; for example, if you are planning to host family celebrations and it is customary to use china and crystal, then do go ahead and register for it. On the other hand, if your entertaining is more casual in nature, you’ll want to register for a nice selection of everyday plates and place settings.
Take stock of what each of you has—and what, as a couple, you need. Does either one of you already have an excellent set of cooking ware? A good toaster/blender/mixer? Because many couples are marrying later now than they did in generations past, it’s more likely that at least one partner will have already accumulated some good, functional housewares that are perfectly fine for your married life. If you’re good on the basics, you can fill your registry with “extras”—fun and funky non-essential items, like different kinds of cocktail glasses or designer bedding. On the other hand, if neither of you is coming with much in the housewares department, you want to make sure that your registry is full of basics that you’ll be sure to need.
2. Talk It Out
Remember that just because you’re in love with each other doesn’t mean that you’re automatically going to have the same kind of taste or even have the same priorities for what you need to register for. It might be critical to one of you to have more traditional china while the other partner would prefer registering at a home improvement store. Rather than making your registry into a competition over needs, use it as an opportunity to talk together about your priorities as a couple, during the first few years of marriage and beyond. How do you imagine yourselves as hosts with extended family and friends? What would your ideal home look and feel like? What are your most immediate needs and what do you imagine saving up for to purchase in the future? Have this talk(s) before heading out to the stores to set up a registry, so that you can feel united once you get the process rolling.
3. Honor Your Differences
While you want to be united, you can also make use of your individual strengths and talents when creating your registry. For example, if one of you who more background and interest in cooking, let him select the pots and pans. If one of you has great design sense, let her speak out about color schemes for towels and bedding. You might also register at a couple of specific specialty stores that honor those differences—if one of you knows tools, go ahead and register at a home improvement store. Divide and conquering is okay, as long as you’ve communicated about what it is you’ll be registering for.
4. Get On It!
Don’t wait too long to start your registry. Once you’re engaged, a friend or relative might start throwing a party for you. A shower is just around the corner, too. If your registry is set, you’re more likely to get gifts that you want and need…which will help you avoid the hassle of returning gifts.
5. Outside the Box is Okay
Today’s couples aren’t just registering at the usual upscale department stores. Many couples also choose smaller shops and boutiques, even art galleries or studios. Especially if you and your partner are marrying later and are starting out with a well-stocked home, there’s nothing wrong with registering for different kinds of items. Friends and family will be able to see the unique art, pottery or custom-made dishes that they purchased for you when they come to visit you in your new home.
6. Look at Lists
If the thought of starting your registry feels overwhelming, start out with a list of items and think about what you need from there. Ask a close friend who’s recently married for a list of her registry. You can also download an excellent basic registry inventory from www.theknot.com.
7. Customer-Service
In addition to choosing stores that you feel good about, you also want to choose stores that will make purchasing gifts easy for your gifts. Make sure that the customer service aspect of any store where you register is top-notch. Make sure to ask how customers from different parts of the country can order: is there a toll free phone number? A web site that carries the same items available in your local store? What about returns—how much time will you have to return an item after the wedding? What if a receipt is not included with the gift? Asking ahead of time will alleviate stress for both you and your guests.
8. Include a Range
It’s reasonable to register at two—four different stores and to include a range of gifts at different prices in your registry. Many couples choose a discount store like Target for one of their registry stores and register for plenty of practical, affordable gifts there. Feel free to include high-end items and stores in your registry as long as you’ve included options for people who can’t afford to buy in that range.
9. Know Your Etiquette
It’s not considered proper to include anything about your registry in your wedding invitations, but your shower hostess can let people know in shower invitations. It’s okay to put a word about your registry on your wedding web site, though—and especially to include links to stores so your guests can browse on line. For guests who aren’t internet savvy, make sure that the immediate family and wedding party know where you’re registered in case other guests inquire.
10. Honeymoon is an Option
For the couple who has everything—or would prefer an amazing honeymoon to crystal any day! Some couples are creating “honeymoon registries” where guests can purchase anything from airfare and hotel to meals and spa treatments as gifts for the happy couple. Many online services set up honeymoon registries; you can also ask your travel agent for recommendations. If you can imagine doing this kind of registry, check out sites like www.honeyluna.com or www.honeymoonwishes.com to get started.
. A 1993 graduate of Emerson College with a B.F.A. cum laude in performing arts, she also earned a Master's degree in Jewish studies at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College. Kaplan-Mayer currently serves as Asst. Education Director at congregation Mishkan Shalom. She is married to Fred Kaplan-Mayer and happy mom to two young children, George and June.
