Forget the drunken night out with male strippers and pieces of candy glued to your tank top (who thought that one up?!). Today’s bachelorette party is far less about debauchery and more about decadence. It’s a classy, often indulgent, stylish and sometimes spa-centric gathering of your favorite ladies. Mom can attend, as can the flowergirls, and your FMIL will be far more impressed with you when your bachelorette soiree isn’t something out of ‘Girls Gone Wild.’

 The new trends in bachelorette parties have come about because many brides are older when they’re planning their weddings. They’re past the pub crawl stage. Rather than a collegiate party mindset, they’re more sophisticated, and so are their friends. And then there’s the trust factor. Brides don’t want to invite suspicion from their grooms, causing stress and possible distrust. If some of their friends are on the wild side, they don’t want to be blamed for being the same way. And they definitely wouldn’t want their grooms to have an equally wild party. Hangovers, taking care of drunk friends…none of it seems that appealing. So more brides are asking for considerably tamer bachelorette celebrations, something that’s more them.

 We’ve collected the top new bachelorette party ideas for you to consider, and to show to your bridal party as guidance for what you really want:

• A Day At the Spa: You and the ladies can either go to a fabulous spa, or it can come to you. Today’s spas and spa specialists make housecalls. In this instance, the party would be at your place, or at the fabulous home of a friend or relative, and you’ll enjoy an amazing catered meal, drinks and delectable desserts as your guests move from station to station for back and neck massages, foot massages, manicures, pedicures, skin treatments, paraffin wraps, and specialty treatments like a white chocolate foot soak. Imagine your guests in fluffy white spa robes (your favor gift to them…monogrammed!), sipping mango iced teas or champagne, relaxing fully for the first time in months (perhaps years in the case of moms with young children). You’ll play relaxing music and everyone gets the royal treatment. Some brides and their guests are flying to five-star spas like Canyon Ranch or The Golden Door for three days of spa delights and classes, hiking and saunas, and others opt for the more budget-friendly one-day spa relaxation party. This is the top trend for a reason: everyone loves to be pampered, and this could be a perfectly-timed theme party for all of you as the wedding approaches.

• A Personal Fashion Show: Designers with their own boutiques are now offering bachelorette and shower party packages that include a personalized fashion show, featuring their best designs in clothing and accessories. Much like the celebrity-studded runway shows of Fashion Week in New York City or the catwalks of Milan and Paris, this themed party thrills the fashionista bride and her friend. During the fashion show, they are served hot hors d’oeuvres and handed champagne or wine, and after the show they can talk to the designer about the best fashion pieces for their sense of style and body type. It could turn into a shopping frenzy, with all guests going home with purchased or freebie gifts.

• Photo Sessions: The party is at home or at the studio of a fantastic photographer, who takes each guest one by one into her own personal photo session. She could style her own portrait for home, a business photo for her career or her Web site, or she might appreciate a really great range of photos for her online dating profile. With hair and makeup artists on hand, this party is a lot of fun and sends guests home with a wonderful new selection of photos they can use for their own future goals.

• Sports and Adventure: Take the party outside for a day of biking, hiking, mountain climbing, surfing, boating, Jet-skiing, horseback riding, or any other activity that gets you all moving. Have experienced guides or instructors on hand, and keep safety in mind at all times, and your party shares your active lifestyle with all of your guests. Find a state park near you with a range of activities, or go as a group to a resort that offers windsurfing, parasailing, scuba diving, rainforest tours, and more.

• The Arts: Indulge your inner artist with a champagne and dinner evening at a local pottery or ceramics center. Most will rent their space out for private parties, and they invite guests to bring their own catered food and drinks. In a relaxing atmosphere, perhaps with music playing, you’ll all create your own platters, vases, picture frames, figurines, and other items. Also popular are beading boutiques where your private, catered party means that everyone can make their own jewelry or beaded boxes or frames. Most women don’t have enough time in their busy schedules to be artistic and creative, so your party gives them the freedom to enjoy that side of themselves. And it might give a party guest the new interest she’s been looking for. One must for the ceramics party – have everyone paint their names and a message on an oversized platter, and then have it glazed as a keepsake for your party.

• Food, Wine and Together Time: Who says the party has to be catered? In your home, or the fabulous newly remodeled kitchen of a friend, gather your ladies together for a ‘we’ll all cook together’ event. Open the wine and bond over chopping the tomatoes or making garlic bread, the way close families do for the holidays, and then after the preparations are done, you’ll all sit down to a big family-style meal and desserts that you’ve created as a group. For some brides, this is the essence of fellowship, far more meaningful than going out to a restaurant, and there will be plenty of laughs at the inevitable cooking mistake or a friend’s improvisation with the slightly burned dinner rolls. Everyone was having such a great time, the rolls have now become croutons.

• Tickets To The Hottest Event: It’s Girls Night Out with terrific seats at your favorite recording artist’s concert. We’ve heard from brides who went to the American Idol tour concert after making it a ritual to watch the show every week and vote like crazy. Others have gone to concerts that feature multiple artists. Or, the hottest event is a fundraising gala to support a cause they believe in, like a dinner for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It could be a sporting event, like tickets to a football, baseball, basketball or hockey game (without the guys tagging along!). Check out www.ticketmaster.com to see if any of your favorites will be touring soon. Have a nice dinner out before the event, and either drinks and dancing afterward, or go to a retro 50s diner for burgers and milkshakes.

• A Slumber Party: This childhood favorite is making a comeback, with martinis and margaritas taking the place of chocolate milk and soda. Order pizzas, eat chips and dip, or make massive amounts of popcorn for your movie marathon of 80s movies (The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink) or wedding-themed movies (Father of the Bride, Monster-in-Law, My Best Friend’s Wedding). Have everyone wear their own fun pajamas, or give them sets as a gift from you, and break out the board games, Ouija board, or Scene It DVDs for games and playtime, but spare your guests the old bra in the freezer trick since we know how much a good bra costs these days! If you must make prank calls, stick to the groom – and take plenty of photos during that pillow fight. You’ve all been so hard-working all these years, taking care of others, being grownups…and now it’s time to act young and silly, sing out loud, jump on the bed, and stay up til all hours.

• The Jazz Club: Put on your best little black dresses and go to the nearest jazz club for fine dining and a great show by a noted jazz vocalist, pianist, trumpeter, or trio. Sans kids or partners, you’ll be the table of beautiful ladies that everyone sees and admires. And it’s a taste of the good life, in a small and cozy club, with the artist seeming to sing just for you.

• The Comedy Club: Make sure you sit up front so that the comics can bring you into the act. Comedians tell me they want to hear about a bachelorette party at the front table. If you have a great sense of humor, your group will be spotlit all night. Plus, laughter is a great stress reliever, so this too could be the ideal night out with your friends as the wedding draws near.

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Sharon Naylor is the author of The Ultimate Bridal Shower Idea Book and 30 additional wedding planning titles, www.sharonnaylor.net