Men may be from Mars, and women may be from Venus, but when you’re planning a wedding that will hopefully take place on the same planet, you need to figure out a way to communicate effectively with one another. For many men, communication is another “c” word—just like commitment—that sets off an internal “I don’t want to go there” reaction.

     But the truth is, even if you don’t consider yourself a master communicator, engagement is a time to face any fears the “c-word” sets off in you, so you can not only work cooperatively with your fiancée on your wedding planning, but also set the stage for an effective marriage.  Making a commitment with another person “til death do you part” means that you’re in store for a lot of communicating—if you want to have a healthy marriage, that is.

     And because a wedding involves so many people in your world—your parents, her parents, friends and family—now is the time to work on your communication skills with all parties involved.

With your bride

     For many men, the dreaded part of communicating is the talking part. Fortunately, one of the best strategies for communicating with your fiancée is to stop talking and simply listen. Men often feel a need to fix or solve problems. Let’s face it, wedding planning involves a lot of stress—even in the most peaceful of families. Your fiancée may be feeling overwhelmed at creating seating charts or figuring out how she can cut down the invitation list. Instead of trying to jump in and fix the problem, just be there to listen to her. You may be surprised to find out how supported that makes her feel, which will in turn cut down her stress.
 
     But beyond listening, most couples need some basic strategies about how to communicate effectively with one another. As you plan for your wedding, it’s essential to make some time for pre-marital counseling. Even if you feel that you’re on the same page spiritually and emotionally, you’ll enter marriage on a stronger foot with some professional tips about how to communicate.

     There are different options for pre-marital counseling. Some couples prefer to go to their priest, minister or rabbi, while others seek out a private psychotherapist who has a background in couples’ counseling. You don’t need to plan on endless sessions—speak to your counselor about what your goals are and you can make a short-term plan together. Other couples attend couples “skills-based” counseling, where you go away for either a weekend retreat or attend a series of workshops focused on couples and communications. Look online for couples’ communication workshops in your area.

     While it may seem like now while you’re wedding planning is the least practical time to schedule another thing into your buys lives, you are in fact investing time into creating a smoother, happier relationship by seeking out resources to help you communicate more effectively with each other.

With Your Parents

     For a groom as well as a bride, getting married is a symbolic act of leaving home. This moment brings up many emotions for both sets of parents. The groom’s parents, in particular, may feel more isolated from the wedding planning process if they are not as directly involved as the bride’s parents. Seek out your parents and let them know about your plans as they evolve. By being pro-active and including them in what’s going on, they’ll feel more connected to you and to your fiancée and her family.  Check in with them from time to time for their advice and opinions. If your parents live far away geographically from your bride’s parents, make sure that you arrange a time in advance of the wedding for everyone to meet, so that everyone feels more included and connected.

     At times, you may feel like your parents are still treating you like a child, even when you are trying to interact with them on an adult level. To some extent, that may be a result of them struggling to accept this new phase in your life—even if they are very happy for and support of you. Don’t be afraid to express what you’re feeling to them. Be open, not accusatory. Let them know that you’re going through a transition, too, and let them know how you and your wife-to-be plan to continue your relationship with them, after the wedding.

With Her Parents

     Remember, when you get married, you’re not only marrying your bride, but also her whole family. While that doesn’t mean you have to get to know them all intimately, it does mean that you’re relating to the people with whom you’ll be spending most of the major holidays with from now on.

     Which means that it would be ideal if you all got along—which, as we know, it not always how it goes. Family dynamics vary so much from clan to clan and you may sometimes find yourself just not getting her family. So how do you communicate with these people?

     Again, the answer lies in listening. You may feel that her mother has way too many opinions about the wedding. Do your best to nod your head and hear what she has to say. You can talk more honestly with your fiancée later. Be gentle, let her know if her mother has ideas that don’t feel right to you. But by giving her mother respect and avoiding confrontation with her, you’re laying the groundwork for a peaceful relationship.

     You may find that there are other members of her family who irk you for various reasons. Again, try to keep things light and put your best face forward. There are no doubt things about your family that are hard for her to take. Learning to accept each other’s family’s idiosyncrasies is one of marriage’s greatest challenges. Try to focus on the things you like about her family—after all, they created her.

With Your Friends

     Here’s a place where you can really practice your communication skills in a non-threatening way. These are your friends, after all! If you have certain parameters for your ideal bachelor’s party—say you’d prefer an outing to a ballpark rather than to a strip club—let your groomsmen know. Talk to your best man, groomsmen, and ushers about the flow of the day and what you need them to do to help you out. By bringing them into the plan, you’ll make your day that much easier.

     And good communication shouldn’t be for your inner circle only—think about ways to let all of your wedding guests know what to expect for your big day. Create a wedding web site, with a schedule of activities, directions and links to things to do in your wedding location area.

     Since you’re getting so good at communication, you might even sit down with your wife after the wedding and help write thank-you notes. Write a personal line on each note about why you appreciate the gift and what it meant to have that particular guest at the wedding. Communicating your grateful thoughts is a beautiful way to close your wedding and begin your married life.