In generations gone by, men’s major wedding-related responsibilities included proposing to their fiancées, trying on their tux and showing up at the church on time for the ceremony.  But times change and today’s grooms often take an active role alongside their brides-to-be in planning their weddings. Unfortunately, unless a groom happens to work in the event planning field, the nitty gritty details of how to plan a wedding may seem overwhelming. While many women dream of how their wedding day will look, thinking about cakes, flowers and decorations may feel like stepping into a whole new world for most guys.

The good news is that there are plenty of ways for a groom to be active in wedding planning, while bringing his areas of expertise to the table. By figuring out which details the man can and will take responsibility for, he can lift some of the burden off his fiancée and feel more invested in his wedding day in the process.

Read Up

Knowledge is power, so the groom who wants to be an active wedding-planner partner should first spend some time learning about what goes into a contemporary wedding. Fortunately, this does not mean he needs to dive into bridal magazines. There are lots of books out there designed just for the groom. Spend some time browsing on amazon.com or in your local book store for books for the groom. Some helpful ones include The Clueless Groom's Guide : More Than Any Man Should Ever Know About Getting Married by Peter van Dijk  (McGraw-Hill) and Esquire’s Things a Man Should Know about Marriage: A Groom’s Guide to the Wedding and Beyond (Riverhead Trade). Pick up one of these paperbacks and you’ll soon be wowing your fiancée with your wedding prowess! Plus, you’ll feel more in control when you meet with wedding vendors if you know what they’re talking about. Remember that the wedding industry is an industry after all—so the more knowledge you have, the less likely you are to fall for sales pitches that aren’t right for you.

 And spend some time talking to any guys you know—your brother, your co-workers, your buddies—who’ve recently gotten married and find out what part of wedding planning that they took on. What advice do they have?

Make a Plan

Sit down with your fiancée and make a list of the various “big jobs” that will need to be done to prepare for your wedding. Some of the jobs will require both of your time and energy—meeting with the wedding officiant for example. And there may be some that you want to do together, like cake tasting. But there are probably other categories where one of you is more comfortable taking charge. If she’s gung ho about selecting invitations, let her take that on. Of course she’ll run her ideas by you, but she can spend time doing the busywork. And if you really know music, it would make sense for you to go through tapes of wedding bands or get on the phone to talk with DJs. Make sure that you both feel like you’re dividing tasks equally. This kind of sharing of responsibilities takes pressure off of the bride to plan everything, and it also sets good groundwork for a cooperative marriage.

Food/bar/music

If you’ve read up on wedding planning and still aren’t sure how much you can contribute to finding the perfect wedding favor or flawless centerpieces, really focus on what you know. For many guys, that comes down to the gastronomic arts. You can go taste food, right? So take on meeting with caterers and looking over menus. You’ll probably end up having a lot of fun—and eating some great food—in the process. Another place that lots of guys like to pitch in is planning the bar. Depending on your wedding venue, you may even be able to purchase your own wedding liquor. Make up a shopping list of everything you need for the perfect bar.

Music for the reception is another place in wedding planning where many grooms feel comfortable stepping up to the plate. As part of your research, you might have to go out and check out some bands. Take some friends along and take notes about what you like about their sound. You definitely want to report back and check in with your fiancée—you don’t want to pick out a band with a punk edge when she was expecting something more swing. Which brings us to an important point, whatever area you’re taking charge of: don’t forget to communicate. Let your fiancée know about what you discover and listen to her input. As you offer give and take in response to each other’s research, you’ll come to decisions that you can both feel good about.

The Gift Registry
 
You and your fiancée will decide what kind of gift registry is right for you. Many couples choose to create registries at a range of stores so that guests can easily find a gift they’re comfortable purchasing. As more and more couples are marrying at a later age when they may already have essential household items, they are turning to other kinds of stores to create wedding registries. For example, there’s a current trend to register at places like Home Depot or Lowes. Many guys feel cool with creating these kinds of registries. Or if you’re going to create a registry at a major department store, determine what areas of the store you could work with. Think audio and electronics or cookware if you’re into cooking.  One advantage of today’s registries for men who hate shopping is that many of them can be created and maintained online—no need to spend time at the mall!

Planning the Honeymoon

This part of wedding planning often falls in the groom’s lap, so unless your bride-to-be is in the travel field, here’s another area where you can step up to the plate and take charge. Set your budget and look online for good deals. Talk to your fiancée about her ideal honeymoon: is it a week at a quiet beach or a cruise to the Caribbean? Time in a cabin in the mountains or a trip to a boutique hotel in a city she’s always wanted to visit? Once you get a sense of what she’s looking for, go ahead and take charge of the planning.  That means that you’ll need to make a major checklist of everything that you need for the trip, especially if you’re planning to leave right after the wedding. Think passports, hotel tickets, credit cards, traveler’s checks, prescriptions. Chances are that your bride will be so wrapped up in getting ready for the wedding that your taking charge of these honeymoon plans will be a great relief to her. And of course, the more relaxed she is, the more romantic your honeymoon will be…  

You Did It!

See—being an active partner in planning your wedding isn’t so hard. All of the time and energy will be worth it on your big day. You’ll gain points with your fiancée, and probably with her mom, too. Times have changed, and men and women working cooperatively on their wedding planning sets the stage for a marriage of true partnership.