The time has come: you have found the woman you want with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. You’ve figured out the time and place you’re going to pop the question. You’ve probably even practiced what you are going to say.
 
Now only one thing stands in your way: you must figure out how to buy the perfect engagement ring. The one that will melt her heart, the one that she will wear on her finger for the rest of her life. The one that symbolizes your eternal love and commitment.

No wonder most men get a bit anxious when it comes to shopping for an engagement ring! Not to worry: even if you’ve never set foot in a jewelry store before this occasion, “Ring Selection 101” will fill you in on what you need to know to find the rock that will win her heart.

Step One: To surprise or not to surprise? That is the question.

 You are the best expert when it comes to your relationship. If you and your girlfriend have been openly talking about getting engaged, then it’s absolutely appropriate to go browsing for engagement rings together. Many contemporary couples go ring shopping together once they’ve talked about the idea of engagement. I suggest that you go “browsing” to keep things open and light; you just want to get a sense of what her jewelry tastes are like. When you’re out one day shopping for another occasion or you happen to be strolling in an area near a jewelry store, take a walk over to the store look in the windows. Pay attention to what draws her eye. Are there certain stone shapes (round, pear, oval) that she’s drawn to? Does she like jewelry that is classic-looking or sleek and modern? If you’re having fun browsing, you might go into a shop and have her try on some rings. Make sure to note her ring size!

On the other hand, there are plenty of guys out there who feel that it’s most romantic to make popping the question a complete surprise. They want to select a ring for the girlfriend on their own and offer it to her on a bended knee. If you’re a purist of this sort, it’s of utmost important that you learn about your girlfriend’s jewelry preferences, too—you’re just going to have to be more sneaky about it.  Begin by paying attention to the jewelry that she’s wearing! Does she prefer silver or gold?  Vintage or contemporary? You might even poke through her jewelry box to look at her collection if you get the opportunity.

Another good way to learn about her tastes in rings is to place a call to her mom or best friend. Chances are they can tell you about what kind of setting and particular style of ring she might like. Make sure that you make them swear to secrecy before you get off the phone!

If you haven’t gone shopping together, then you probably don’t know her ring size. Mom or best friend might—ask them. There’s not a really easy way to bring up the question to her directly in casual conversation (“So, you want to meet for drinks after work? Oh yeah, and what’s your ring size again?”) without her figuring out what you’re up to. If you’re able, borrow one of her rings from her jewelry box and take it shopping with you so the jeweler can determine her ring size.

Step Two: Determine Your Budget

Okay, now you have a clear sense of what sort of ring to buy her. The next step is to figure out how much buying the ring is going to cost you. While you want to keep in mind that this is a very significant purchase—you are buying something that you hope she will wear every day for the rest of her life—you also need to be realistic about what you are able to spend. The diamond industry has a general rule that it’s appropriate to spend two months’ salary on a ring. Of course, it is their industry and they are in it to make a profit. You should figure out how much you are comfortable spending before you walk into a jewelry store and face buying pressure from salespeople.

An average engagement ring today runs in the $3,500--$4,000 range, but there are ways to purchase one for less money. One possibility is to look for rings in antique shops. If the stone is good but the setting is not what you want, you can always have the stone placed in a new setting. There may also be an heirloom ring available in your family—talk to your mother or grandmother about this possibility. You can have an heirloom stone taken out of its original setting and placed in a new one; for example, if your great-grandmother’s ring came in an 18K gold setting and your girlfriend prefers platinum, a good jeweler can remove the stone and help you find a new setting that suits the stone. The fact that the diamond was already in your family gives it added meaning and beauty.

There are some girls out there who actually prefer other stones, which may be less expensive, to diamonds; however, you want to be absolutely 100% sure that your girlfriend is one of them before you purchase her a ring other than a diamond. Tradition , even for the most alternative gals, is a strong influence.

Step Three: Learn about the 4cs

Now you’re feeling more equipped—you know what sort of ring your lady will love and you have a price in mind that you would be comfortable paying for it. Now it’s time to learn a bit about diamonds so that you can make sure you get her a good one!

 The “4Cs”—a phrase once-again coined by the diamond industry, refers to clarity, color, cut and carat.  Clarity refers to any small flaws found on the diamond; many diamonds will have minute scratches or air bubbles. The fewer flaws a diamond has, the greater its value. The color of the diamond will be graded on a scale from D (colorless) to Z (light yellow); in general, the more colorless the diamond is, the more valuable it is. Cut doesn’t mean the shape of the diamond—rather it means the way the diamond was faceted to allow light to reflect from it. In a well cut diamond, light enters the diamond and reflects straight back to the viewer's eye.  Cut is graded Ideal, Premium, Very Good, Good, Fair, and Poor. Generally you should seek an Ideal to Very Good Diamond. Carat, you may know, refers to the size of the stone. Keep in mind that it truly is most important to know your girlfriend’s taste: some women feel that a large carat ring looks too flashy and would prefer a smaller ring.

Step Four: Find a good store

This is an important step! Talk to your friends and learn about their experiences in buying engagement rings. You want to find a jeweler whom you can trust and work with. In general, a quality “mom and pop” store will offer a more personal experience than a big chain. It’s important to make sure that the store is accredited by the Jewelers of America or is a member of the Gemological Institute of America (GIA)—if they don’t have a sign posted, be sure to ask. Before you buy, find out what the return policy is so that you can exchange the ring if necessary.

You might want to take a buddy along on your shopping outing. Even with all of your advanced preparation, buying an engagement ring is a big moment and can lead to sweaty palms. Having a friend who’s opinion you can trust with you can make the whole experience that much better.

Step Five: Plan ahead

The last bit of advice is a critical one: don’t think that you can walk into a jewelry shop and necessarily leave the store in the same day. The particular setting you prefer or the size of ring you need may need to be ordered. Do your shopping well in advance of your proposed “proposal date.” If you are having a jeweler create an original ring or set an heirloom stone in a new setting, ask for a written contract with the date that the ring will be ready for you to take home.

And lastly—get insurance on your big purchase. Any major insurance company can help you out with getting coverage for your ring.

All right—you are now ready to take that step, find your sweetheart that perfect ring. In years to come, when you look at it, you’ll remember the time and energy that you put into finding it…and realize just how worth it your efforts were.