When most couples start to dream about their ideal weddings, their thoughts turn to questions like what flavor, shape and size their wedding cake will be, how formal or casual their affair will be, will they have a live band or dj? As they begin moving from dreaming to planning, couples discover that bringing their fantasy wedding to life demands organization and attention to details.  But unfortunately, amidst all of those decisions about food and drink, invitations and honeymoon destinations, clergy and clothes, many brides and grooms neglect some of the most important wedding details of all: those connected to the legal issues associated with getting married. While it’s certainly more romantic to fantasize about finding that perfect wedding dress than making a list of all the places you’ll need to contact if you change your name, making room for all of the legal busy work that a marriage entails is also a critical step in ensuring that your dream wedding comes to be, and that your marriage will start off on the right foot.

 Because marriage is not only an emotional, spiritual and physical union but is also a legal state with certain rights, protections and benefits, make sure that you and your fiancée discuss the following issues well in advance of tying the knot:

Choosing a pre-nup: When Karen Adams and Jim Markham first talked about getting engaged, Karen knew she wanted to be clear about signing a prenuptial agreement. Divorced twice before, Karen had dealt with bankruptcy and legal battles over child support, and never wanted to go through any of that trouble again. Jim was also previously married and understood how important it is to be perfectly clear about property rights up front. Though both Karen and Jim felt that this marriage was a sure thing, both also felt that going to a lawyer to arrange a prenuptial agreement would be the best thing for both of them in the unfortunate event that the marriage didn’t last. But prenuptial agreements are not only for people who have been through divorce; many couples today choose to have a lawyer draw up a legally binding financial agreement that covers property rights (and also debt) in the case of divorce, whether it is their first marriage or third. Many people still conceive of prenuptial agreements as something only for the very rich, who have large assets to protect, but in fact, many couples of varying financial means choose to have a prenup drawn up to simply clarify their financial rights and responsibilities both during marriage and in the case of divorce. If you think that creating a prenuptial agreement could benefit you and your marriage, talk it over with your fiancée.  It can certainly be sensitive to even think about the possibility of your impending marriage ending, but if you focus on wanting the best protection for the both of you in any event, the conversation can begin on a positive note.

Name changes: It’s traditional for a married woman to take her husband’s surname, though today many women choose to keep their name or hyphenate their last name with their husband’s last name. There is also a trend for men to choose to hyphenate along with their wives (my husband, Fred Kaplan-Mayer, chose this option), or even to take their wives’ surnames to replace their own.  For women, changing a name begins with getting a marriage license (see next topic). When the state issues you a marriage license, you can use that document to legally change your name on all of the records and documents that the government issues. You need to start with your driver’s license and social security card (which means taking a post-wedding trip to the local Social security office).  It is best to start here because many other companies will have trouble working with a marriage license, but will make your name change on their forms once it appears on your license and social security card. Once you have your new license and social security card in hand, you’ll need to change your passport, voter registration card and credit cards; you’ll also need to notify your local post office, bank, IRS and insurance companies. You will also need to change your name on any existing legal financial documents, including wills, living wills, powers of attorney, contracts and trusts. Of course you’ll need to let your employer know of your name change, as well as any services you use, such as doctor’s offices, hairdressers, mechanics, etc. Have some fun letting everyone know your new name—because the process can be time-consuming. And of course, anticipate that some offices may confuse your paperwork for a little while if they still file you under your maiden name. As someone with a hyphenated last name, I can tell you that I never know if my pharmacy will put my prescription under “K” for Kaplan or “M” for Mayer! Unfortunately, men who choose to change their names do not have it as easy as women do. While women can use a marriage license to get their license and social security card changes, men need to go through a lawyer to obtain a court ordered or common law name change.  The United Stated have not yet recognized the current trend of men taking their wives’ names, so for any man wanting to make a legal change, it  means spending some time and a little money to become officially new!

Marriage license: It’s of the utmost importance that couples find out how much time it takes for a state to issue a marriage license, because the cost and waiting period for a marriage license varies from state to state. I’ve unfortunately heard of couples who showed up at the courthouse the day before their wedding, only to find out that it would take at least three days to obtain their license. Each state also has different requirements for marriage, ranging from what age bride and groom need to be for a legal marriage to whether or not the couple must get tested for venereal diseases. Some states require proof in the case of previous marriages to make sure that they are legally dissolved. In most cases, both the bride and groom need to be present to sign the application for the marriage license.  Following the ceremony, the wedding Officiant and the couple sign the license and then the Officiant files for a certified copy of the license, which will be mailed to the couple. Please note, it is critical that you make sure that your Officiant is recognized by the state and can legally sign and file for your license. Some couples may choose a spiritual leader whom they respect to officiate at their wedding, however, if that leader was not officially ordained as clergy, the state will not recognize that person. In some cases, couples may choose to have a legal wedding at the courthouse and then a spiritual ceremony with family and friends to deal with this issue. Some states, such as Pennsylvania, allow for Quaker-style weddings, which do not require any formal clergy presiding at all. But do check for your state’s marriage license requirements, in terms of clergy and other issues, well in advance of your wedding. There are many web sites that list requirements by state, such as www.marriagelicense.com.

Life insurance, Making a will, Living Will: Again, some legal issues may seem to cats a dark shadow over the romantic process of planning a wedding and building a life together. But in fact, spending some time and energy facing the “what if” questions around losing a spouse will ultimately make any marriage stronger in the long run. If either bride or groom holds a life insurance policy previous to getting engaged, she or he should review the beneficiary designation and change it as needed to name the new spouse. Both partners should discuss how much insurance they would ultimately need to carry on financially in the unfortunate event of the death of a spouse. Put getting or changing a life insurance policy on your “to do” list for after the honeymoon, so that you don’t neglect to take care of this important consideration. Getting married also means that it’s time to draw up a both a will (talk to an attorney for this matter) and a living will. A living will (also called an advance health care directive), which many people are not familiar with, is a specific type of power of attorney or health care proxy that names an individual to make health care decisions in the event that the principal in the living will is unable to do so. Again, creating a living will means having a very serious conversation with your partner about what you would want to have happen in the case that you are not able to voice your own decisions about your health care. It is not pleasant to focus on the “in sickness” part of the marriage vows, but it is the mature and responsible thing to do as you prepare for your life together. In the case of creating a living will, you will find that requirements again vary from state to state. There is much helpful information about creating a living will on the internet; check out http://www.ama-assn.org/public/booklets/livgwill.htm to obtain a generic form.

Health and welfare: Getting married also means that you have legal rights in terms of acquiring health insurance from your spouse’s policy. In general, health insurance for a married couple will be less expensive than two individuals paying for individual policies.  If you both currently have a health insurance plan, take some time during engagement to  look at the benefits of both plans and determine which plans gets the best deal in terms of monthly premiums, co-pays and deductibles. Talk to your human resources support person to find out when you can get your spouse onto your plan or vice versa. Marriage also means that spouses can be named as beneficiaries on partner’s social security and disability benefits; on veterans’ pensions and military benefits. If your fiancée is receiving any of these kinds of health benefits, take some time out to find out what your rights as beneficiary would be.

Again, taking care of these legal issues may feel like a chore, but keep in mind that as you are taking care of them, you are taking concrete steps to building a secure “til death do us part” future together. Educate yourself and take charge of the legal issues connected to getting married to start your life together in the best possible way.

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